It is a Good Thing. Really.
How is an ankle unlike a consequence?
Bananas.
Yeah, still works.
-----
I signed all of my divorce papers the other day and they're almost ready to be sent down to the court for whatever it is they have to have done with them before they get served on the ex. The only thing that's holding that process up is that I never got around to getting a copy of my marriage certificate.
Ironic, really. I'm filling out the online for for the ACT BDM Registry and a part of that is that they ask for certain information so they know that you're entitled to a copy. At the end of it, they ask "What is this certificate required for?" I felt a bit weird filling out, "So I can apply for my divorce."
I'm not going to go into gory detail as to why my marriage broke up. Suffice to say, it's a Good Thing, in the long term. However, even knowing this, and knowing that I have no emotional attachment to the person in question (we've been separated almost 2 years now, officially), I still have this sense of failure. No different from anyone else that goes through a divorce. We were married for, uh... since January 1989, so however long that is, minus January 2003... and were together almost a year before that. While I know (yes, Damon, I
do know) that the way things were wasn't someting I could really do anything about (and God knows I tried), I still can't help but feel like... "well, that was a whole lot of time wasted."
Makes you very careful. Well, makes me very careful.
Actually, though, it wasn't time wasted because I have some wonderful kids, and I have been... what's the word? Tempered.
So... it is a Good Thing. Really.
Luscious Leos
Speaking of Leos, as I did yesterday (Trevor), I thought I'd focus on them for today. They're a lot more interesting than I am right now!
I've always had a chequered history re Leos. I tend to get along
very well with Leo males and have a history of difficulties with Leo women.
I suppose that's not fair, I only remember knowing one Leo female well, and she was a huge believer in astrology, so when she realised I was a Capricorn, well, it was on for young and old (basically, as she saw it, Leos spend most of their time proving that they are the best at everything, while Caps don't have anything to prove: they just
know they are the best. She presumed I had the same mindset and it threatened her in some way. If she'd gotten to know me, she would have realised that my Virgo rising and Cancer moon tempered that tendency in me....hehe. Just kidding. I wasn't interested in competition). I frankly, didn't care either way astrologically speaking, but I did object to her constantly setting herself up in competition with me. She was the sort of girl who would tell you how much she loved you to your face while gently, and unsubtly, shoving her claws into your back. She is one main reason why I tended to have more male friends than female ones at school.
It was a pity, though. She really was a beautiful, full-on, natural born leader, and if she hadn't spent so much time being competitive, I would have had a lot of admiration for her. As it is, even thinking about her, after 16 years, still leaves a bit of a bad taste in my mouth. I don't actively dislike people (even if I don't like them, if that makes any sense), but, I don't know, she used to make me feel about an inch high.
Having said that, I have never met a Leo bloke I didn't like (hehe. Maybe I have a weakness for fire signs). One of my sons is a Leo (the baby), and in fact shares his birthday with Trevor. Trevor's, well, just a stunning human being. And so is the baby, well... three year-old. Another stunning Leo bloke is the captain of my AFL team (for o/s readers, AFL is Australian Rules Football). At least, he was the captain last year. The Saints are using a revolved captaincy policy, yet everyone who matters in the football journalism arena agrees that
Aaron Hamill is one of the best leaders in the team, captain or no. Watching him play is amazing. When he is playing, even if he doesn't kick the most goals or take the most marks, you can bet your booty he's setting them up for everyone else. He usually has the highest work rate on the field. And he's not unattractive, either *grin* Yeah, I'm a bit of a fan; he came from Canberra originally.
So... from
Mystic Medusa:
Leo is a Fixed Fire sign; Everyone else just revolves around Leo's personal Hotness. To Leo, the eyes are not the mirror of the soul, the MIRROR is the mirror of the soul. Neo-Leos are glamorous, creative and radiantly inspirational Prima-Divas. What becomes a Legend?
Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, to hold it while the world revolves around him/her.
(I am going to say, in Leo's defence here, that the world tends to choose to revolve around them. It can't help itself. It's not Leo's fault. *grin*).
And from Jonathon
Cainer:
The Myth:
To belong to this sign, they say, is to appear to others, as brassy, sassy yet undeniably classy. It is to be brave, bold and bolshy yet still, somehow, more composed than a symphony and more "confident" than Chris Tarrant himself. Leos, so the textbooks tell us, are nothing else, 24 hours a day, than stylish show-offs and sexy superstars.
The Truth:
If only! There is of course, a grain of truth in this. In fact there's more than a grain, there's a granary. There is not though, a mill, a stream and a bakery. Or, to put it another way, Leos can, at times be all the above and more - but though the rest of the world seems happy to imagine otherwise, they also just so happen to be human. Leos suffer, Leos struggle, Leos strive and Leos even, sometimes, screw things up. It's just that they have this air of consummate authority about them that makes such fallibility hard to imagine. Even when Leos are collapsing in floods of tears or wallowing in the depths of despair, they come across as attractive, calm and capable.
The Key To Success:
Although you were born under the sign of the lion, you often act more like a pussycat. That's fine for quiet times but, if you ever want to make things change or get results that suit you, you need to start prowling and growling. In astrological tradition, the ruler of your sign is the Sun. Be more like it. Rise up high... and shine!
Go Leos!
Clarion South
You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
Bananas.
Yeah. It's a stretch, but it still works. :-)
***
I am thinking about all things writing today. There are several reasons for this.
(Cool, another list!)
- It's almost November again, so NaNoWriMo time is almost upon us. That's National Novel Writer's Month. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, basically, the mandate is (cue music):
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write 50,000 words of a new novel in one month. And in one of the shorter, months, the month of November. 30 days, folks. Well, it could be worse. It could be February. In a non leap year.
My twelve year old did NaNoWriMo last year. He wrote 20,000 words. (Yes, this is the same child who will be going to Meanjin Camp).
I, on the other hand, wrote exactly nothing. On a new novel, that is.
I won't be doing NaNoWriMo this year. Mainly because I'm too busy editing the current novel. I'd like to get it ready to send out for the beginning of the year.
A couple of people I know are, though. Stu is one. Scott is another. Scott will be posting his efforts in a new blog so you can make sarcastic comments about the way his thought processes work. Or encouragement. It's up to you, but I'd go with the latter. Scott's ability with sarcasm knows no peer. It's one of the things we all love about him. :-)
- Sending selfsame novel off to Varuna MS Development Awards. Need to get it in shape. Today is the day I get the first chapter ioff to them. Yikes. Last year, I did reasonably well with the same project, which was at the time very half baked. I didn't make the shortlist, but I made it to the "we are seriously considering this for the shortlist" pile. I'm hoping to get a step further this year. Hehe.
- Meanwhile, I have decided to finally get the degree to prove all of that history, etc, I've been learning. So, application for THAT off for next week.
- I discovered I'm in the Locus Mag writer's index. Woohoo! Google yourself. It's fun. :-)
- Last, but not least, Clarion South. I'm a convenor for this round, and we finally announced the Offical List this week. We decided them back in September, but had to wait for the participant's confirmations to attend.
This year's list of attendees:
Mark Barnes, NSW
Nike Bourke, Qld
Nathan Burrage, NSW
Alison Chan, ACT
Lily Chrywenstrom, ACT
Suzanne Church, Canada
Shane Cummings, WA
Rjurik Davidson, Vic
Evan Dean, Qld
Ellen Klages, USA
Tessa Kum, NSW
Deborah McDonnell, NSW
Anne Mok, NSW
Emma Munroe, NSW
Trevor Stafford, ACT
Susan Wardle, NSW
Kenrick Yoshida, USA
I am particularly excited about one Trevor Stafford getting in (no there was no bias involved here, apps are a blind process), as he is a good mate and a wonderful Leo to boot!
Top 11 Geek Pickup lines, parts I & II
From
BBspot.
Geek Pick-up Lines
11. Tell me of this thing you humans call *dramatic pause* love.
10. If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
9. They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
8. Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
7. What's a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villany like this?
6. You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
5. My 'up-time' is better than BSD.
4. I can tell by your emoticons that you're looking for some company.
3. Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
2. Want to see my Red Hat?
Can someone please explain this to me??
1. If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
Geek Pick-up Lines, Part II
11. You had me at "Hello World."
10. Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
9. You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
8. By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
7. Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." *waves hand*
6. You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
5. Have you ever googled yourself?
4. How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
3. With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
2. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
1. I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
Actually, I reckon the last one is kinda cute. :-D
Aries trine moon and other stuff
The full moon trines Pluto today, closely followed by said Aries moon heading into eclipse mode and then becoming the peak of a pentagram pattern that only happens once in a blue moon... ('scuse the pun)... actually, more like hundreds of years. The New agers are getting pretty excited about it, as are, I daresay, the wiccan movement (for whom the upright pentagram is a sacred symbol. I say upright deliberately. Wiccan and Satanism isn't the same thing, and satanists tend to reverse pentagrams & pentacles in the same way they reverse the cross).
This is supposed to mean Big Things for everyone, but Arians in particular can expect some restlessness, and a huge potential for change Right NOW. Pluto trine makes
anything possible.
I never met an Aries I didn't like, actually. I mean it. I've yet to find one. There's someting about all of that blunt, restless energy that I admire. Three of my current "bestest" friends are Arians (two up here, one in Singapore). At least one of the best friends I had during my schooling era was an Aries (and she believed in it, so she was a TYPICAL Aries, in both the positive and negative aspects. Oh, and how).
Sorry if I'm being boring, btw, when I learn anything, my first impulse is to share it. I can't stand people who think that knowledge is "exclusive" to a certain class, or creed, or educational level, or just because they want to feel superior to someone. of course, my need to pass on what I learn sometimes comes across as me being lecturing or know-it-all. I was known as the human encyclopaedia at school. I don't know everything, of course (who does??), but I read a lot, and listen a lot, and really listen to people if I know nothing about what they're talking about. It's interesting to dioscover stuff I don't know about, even if I have no real interest in it. Great for trivia nights too.
Research is my life.
It's also a great procrastination tool. :-D
Sort of like blogging.
But... what was I saying?
Oh, yeah. The Aries.
I'm going to quote
Mystic Medusa here, because it's so cute:
"Aries is a Cardinal Fire sign; Give Aries enough oxygen and Aries is off. Some find our Aries harsh, headstrong, loud and possessed of a sizzling self-esteem that doesn't require any actual achievements. But Aries is also ultra-positive and solution oriented. Aries says 'More IS more'."
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Arians are not afraid of the dark.
Cainer says this about the Aries in his "Your Sign, The Myths" section:
The Myth:
People born under the sign of the ram are supposed to be hot headed, quick tempered, impulsive, impatient and impossible. They love to give orders and they hate to take them. They are fearless but thoughtless, energetic but disorganised, gloriously independent, wonderfully ambitious and eternally hungry for a new adventure.
The Truth:
There is of course, an element of truth in all this but there's a lot more to the story. We're talking about an inclination, not an obligation. Many people born under this sign are wise thinkers and careful planners. It's just even the most mild, meek mannered member of this cosmic club has another "secret side". There will always be one area of their life in which they simply cannot stop themselves from picking fights, breaking rules and taking wild risks.
The Key To Success:
If you were born under the sign of the ram, you should consider yourself blessed. Aries personality traits are extremely useful and they can, if put to proper use, ensure a life full of impressive achievement. You've got amazing willpower and initiative. There's nothing you can't tackle if you try. You need though, to watch out for a tendency to create a life full of difficulty, just so that you always have something to sort out. You like living "close to the edge"; but if you could only manage to stand one step back from it, a lot more of your projects would come to fruition.
I might take a similar look at Capricorn later. If you're interested. :-D
School time.
Bananas
Seriously. Every Question. (See two posts back if you have no idea what I'm talking about).
Why does the colour blue mean raspberry flavoured?
Bananas.
Describe the sound of a moist waffle hitting a hot griddle
Bananas.
If you were going to dinner with a cannibal, what would you wear?
Bananas.
Cool bananas.
:-D
I have too much time on my hands. Bizarre when you consider I actually have no time at all.
Back to your regularly scheduled programming...
Astrology
Officially, I don't believe in it.
But then, I wouldn't. I'm a Capricorn. Statistics prove that Capricorns are the least likely to believe in astrology. So, the way I look at it, either way I sort of prove the point, don't I?
Having said that, I have developed a deep interest in the subject. It's fascinating. There are, apparently, some real live scientific studies that suggest there is something to it, but I haven't read those. I'd hate to be proven wrong or something. Hehe. Thing is, there probably is something to it, but mostly because people tend to believe in it, or not. You tend to become either what you believe you are or what you strongly resist, I've noticed. Fairly basic psychological tenet.
Anyway, there's this astrologer, Jonathon
Cainer. He was introduced to me (so to speak) by one of the
EnVision 2003 attendees, Lindsay, an amazing English girl who I consider myself extremely fortunate to have met. She sent me to his website, stating that the man seemed to know her like the back of his hand.
I have, surprisingly, found the same thing, to the point where I have joked to Sally or Damon on occasion that the guy is either trolling through my inbox or reading my mind. Of course, he isn't doing either. But, on occasion, I have been mulling over, or discussing, a difficulty that has been going on in my life and he will answer that exact question on that exact day using the same bloody phraseology. This happens so regularly it's spooky. In fact, of the approximately 400 days I've been reading his dailies, there has only been one day when I've thought "huh? No application to me at all." And it can't be explained away using generalities, either. If those predictions had happened one day earlier or later, they would have been completely non-appropriate.
No other astrologer has done the same, though, so perhaps it isn't the astrology. Perhaps Cainer just has some sort of unexplainable gift. I don't know. I do know enough, from experience, to know that there is a lot of stuff going on in the world, that we'd call "supernatural", that science hasn't yet explained. I'm pretty ok with that. Science, once-upon-a-time, couldn't explain lightning, either.
I do believe in magic. However, when I say that, I'm not talking about "hocus pocus" stuff. I believe that magic is simply science not yet explained. I guess stuff like what we would call ESP, telepathy or precognition falls into that category. I ahve had some experience with all three, yet my skeptical side tends to push that stuff off to look for a "natural" explanation. Thing is, there IS a "natural" explanation, it's just that we haven't discovered it yet.
Trying to explain what I mean, if you haven't had similar experiences, is like trying to explain colour to a dog.
I read a quote the other day from Albert Einstein.
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."
It reminded me of something. We think we've come such a long way, separating "science" and "supernatural", but most great scientists believed in the supernatural in some way, be it through God, or the Universe (using the word in its religious sense), or other things such as telepathy. Einstein was one, Galileo was another. Einstein spent a lot of time working on multiverse theorem, stuff that many a "self respecting" scientist would consider to be bunkum. Time travel. that sort of thing. The fellow who discovered germs (whose name escapes me for the moment) was put in a mental institution for suggesting that puerpural fever was preventable if only doctors would wash their bloody hands before going straight from doing an autopsy to attending a birth.
We can't see germs, but who would doubt now that they exist?
We can't explain love. Sure, science can tell us what hormones go here and do what at which time, throw in theories about pheromones and tell us that there's a trigger in the brain that makes someone we're in love with look more attractive than they really are.... go on about body shape and face shape indicators and evolution and the need to breed. But they can't tell us why it happens with
this person and not with another who is similar in all other factors. Or why, despite all of our intentions to find such-and-such a person with the following attribute (list your favourites here), yet despite all of that, we end up with someone... else.
And what about people who have everything they "need" physically, yet still die through loneliness?
Love. That's magic.
Postscript: After writing this, I went to check my Cainer for today:
We live in a sophisticated, educated world. We are bombarded with information from every corner, to the point where we can hardly avoid being in touch and in tune, even if we try to ignore everything. Yet for all the answers, the smart ideas and the qualified experts, there are millions who feel somehow unhappy or unfulfilled. Because life, ultimately, is about more than cleverness, it is about the quest for meaning. What makes this time especially joyous is its potential to help you develop a much clearer sense of purpose. A historic eclipse will soon bring you much-needed help.
Now if he'd written this yesterday, or tomorrow, or last week, it wouldn't have been so applicable...
No storm, go figure...
At least, not yet.
I have nothing much to say, though. But I just worked out something really profound. Thought you should know.
In the blogspot profiles, there's a random question that you can change and give your answer to. (If you have a look at my profile, non-blogspot-user-hopper, you'll see what I mean).
I've just worked out that, no matter what the question is, you can just answer "bananas". You will always be able to logic it into some sort of weird sense.
Profound, huh?
Storms and The Lifeline
We're coming into storm season in Queensland, which is one excuse why I haven't added to my blog. I started an entry on Thursday am, and then my laptop went *pftht*. No warning. No beeping. Just *pftht*. Sigh. So I'd typed this huge entry and it was gone. Then the storms started that night. Now, generally, I write of an evening because, well, you'll see why soon... but that's when it storms. I'll tell you more about those Queensland storms later. They're terrific!
See, as I mentioned last Wednesday, (yes, Tim, I do :-)) have five boys. That is, of course, not strictly speaking accurate. I also have a daughter. I didn't mention her because, well, she's not as messy as the boys are. that isn't intended to be a sexist statement. It's just an accurate one.
So that's six children.
No, I don't know what causes that yet. Yes, I do own a TV. No, actually, they're not all mine, I just grabbed a couple off the street and thought I'd keep them. For fun. Yes, my IQ is about the size of a small caterpillar, thanks for asking. Ummm.... no, actually, they each have different fathers because I'm a slut who wants to live off welfare (see, that $27.32 a fortnight per child just sooo makes up for the lifetime of responsibility, feeding, watering, clothing, houseing, worrying... not to mention the LABOUR!! Do you want me to tell you about the LABOUR???! And the AFTERPAINS!!!!!???????!!!!!!????? There's even excruciating pain and stuff. For a long time. Then you have to cook, every night).
Umm, yes, I really have had complete strangers who come up to me and ask the questions that have inspired that slightly sarcastic diatribe. Regularly. It started when I was pregnant with my fourth.
I wonder why people do that. I don't go up to childless people and ask why they don't have kids. I mean, apart from the fact that it's none of my damn business what other people do with their reproductive systems, there may be a good reason. Maybe they can't have kids, even though they want to. Maybe they don't
want kids. Who am I to argue with or lecture them? "Gee, ma'am, what's wrong with you? You don't want kids? What sort of an IQ do you have, anyway?") Sheesh. Maybe I chose to have a large family. Maybe I didn't. It's no-one's business either way, unless you're the future LOML, of course. Then you can ask me
anything you like. Please. Really. Please. :-)
(Umm, if anyone wants to lecture me on how a large family is irresposible environmentally, I'll just quickly point out that the Australian birth rate is currently well below replacement and I haven't even begun to replace my own relatives, let alone anyone else's. Besides, someone has to pay the Social Security bill next decade. So... There. Shut Up. :-D)
A larger family is hard work. But it's also easier. I'll explain that on a later post, but anyone who comes from one will know what I mean. Love isn't divided, it's multiplied with each division. I do complain a bit, but deep down I love it.
I'd even have more, under the right circumstances. Which would mean: loving, stable relationship. The ability to still have them. :-)
So, hence only writing in the evenings. I'm pretty busy. But evenings are when the storms break after the seething heat of the day up here. (Or down here, if you're reading from Canada, or New York, or Singapore). They can be brief, or long, but they're violent and electrical (last night, driving home from Brisbane, I was almost blown off the road, another story, of course, for another day). Either way, as soon as I smell the storm coming (or more likely, feel it, but that's yet
another story), I'm unplugging the computer from the wall and the phone line. No
way I'm losing the 4th draft of the 180,000 word novel I'm working on right now, let alone everything else. !!
I also write in the early mornings (no storms), but I take care of email then, or I just wake up late, happens a lot lately. Then there's the school rush and no time for anything else!
I have been writing too. I am NOT lazy! (Oops, in joke.
Someone thought it would be a great idea to help me break through my Writer's Block by calling me lazy and challenging me to prove him wrong. It worked, but
Someone doesn't need to know that.
Someone may get an inflated sense of his own importance :-P).
Late mornings bacause of lots of dreams lately. I'm not sure why, but I think it's because I've been sleeping well for the first time in 15 years. Hmmm... can't think what that correlates with. :-) So I'm catching up on my REM. Also, I am in serious danger of feeling serious contentment, dangerous, eh! Rather nice dreams. No, I'm not sharing, sorry. :-P
So. I promised to write about The Lifeline.
The Lifeline is a message board, situated
here. It is formerly a game chat board, dedicated to the game Age of Wonders. I stumbled on it about 3 and a half years ago. It has both grown and dwindled from that purpose since then, but it's still here... it celebrated its fourth birthday this past weekend.
What sets The Lifeline apart is that, unlike many online chat boards, I've made some RL friends. People who I would trust enough to invite into my home (in one case, already happened, Hi Liz!). This is, I believe, quite rare, to find a whole group that you can do that with, especially when you're quite net security conscious. (I am. You may notice I don't name my kids here. They also don't surf).
There's Liz and Eug from Singapore, Caber and Richard from NY, Uni from Essex, JD from the MidWest (who looks stunning in a purple dress and I will acknowledge as my first commenter), Mik from Baltimore and definitely not least, Edi from Finland. Edi's a rather special case, actually. He was born on my birthday in the city and country I was born in, but is 5 years younger. Liz, as I've already mentioned, came to visit me in March last year, after a quick work trip to Sweden with a side trip to visit Edi. Excellent three weeks that was! Another "another story".
There are other excellent people at LL, but this small group are the ones I've come to know more as RL people, offline. Except Caber, I guess. He's a mysterious one. :-D
These Lifeliners have helped me through some of the darker times of my life, back before I moved up from Canberra to where I am now (where after separating from my ex, I am now "allowed" to have a social life. Long story. For another day). I now have some great, wonderful, amazing friends and aquaintances closer to home as well (mostly Vision members), as well as getting back in touch with the ones I lost touch with in Canberra, Trish, Lisa, Clare... I am the most amazingly blessed person on this earth, I reckon.
Thing is, for the most part, the LL mob did this for me without even knowing it. At a time when the 'net was my only social outlet, they provided me with friendship and care, and encouragement. And this was when I was
not so forthcoming about how bad things were at home. I credit Richard, Caber, Liz, Edi, Eug, Uni and Mik, as well as people I don't know so well, such as DS, Skull, JAT, Cis and long-gones such as Kray and Chowguy with keeping me writing during that period (I've probably forgotten someone. if so, I apologise. I have 6 kids. My attention span is fractrated :-D).
Uhm. I'm getting soppy. I'm not sure if I should apologise for that.
Liz is amazing. She can write these epic poems just like *snaps fingers* THAT. If I had half the talent she has in her little finger....
Pop by, if you get a chance. Read some of Bard's poetry. For an old guy, he's pretty cool. :-D
Cool breeze. Storm coming. I could go on all night, but I'd better go start unplugging stuff. Then there's that making dinner thing I still have to do. The masses will revolt if I don't do something soon.
Then I might get an early night. I have some serious dreaming to do.
It's Been A While
I, surprisingly, have had nothing to say lately.
Actually, that's not strictly true. I have had plenty to say. The thing is, there's been a lot on my mind lately and it's all been of "dire importance". So much so, that when I go to write anything, all that comes out is this mess of ultra-profound drivel that I don't really want to write to the world.
You know, like:
- Stuff my soon-to-be ex husband is doing right now. The man is, quite frankly, a bit of a child, even taking into account my less-than-biased attitude towards him. But ranting about the latest way he's trying to hurt the kids (the only way he can annoy me, actually, because he's water off a duck's back emotionally to me personally) while he's thinking he's being self-righteously reasonable is just, well, juvenile in itself. So, the delete button is my friend.
- Obsessive sighings over... oops. Nothing.
- Moaning about my latest case of writer's block. Oi Vey, as my friend in NY would say.
- The housework. I've been doing a lot of it lately (see "writer's block"), yet nothing seems to be getting any cleaner. Number One Rule of the Home Economist: "As soon as you clean it, it starts to get dirty again." (Number Two Rule is "Get your damn shoes off my coffee table, NOW.") Actually, I'm not an obsessive cleaner, as my mum and my ex will tell you. But I do have 5 boys. Say no more.
- The fact I've taken up embroidery again (see "writer's block"). I used to have a business in embroidery. Meaning, selling it, not lies, hehe. I realised, though, that I have about 6 old projects on the go--I have a multi-tasking mind, have I ever mentioned that? No?--and it was about time I got a couple off the frames and into frames, so to speak. My specialty is cross stitch, designing and others'. I've noticed that most of the ones I buy tend to be by Teresa Wentzler (if you don't know who she is, well, google is your friend), but that just about every project I've done has been a gift to someone else. Also, embroidery was one of the things the "joy was taken out of" during my marriage (long story I won't regale anyone with), and it's time to get back to it, seeing as my joi de vivre seems to be returning. :-)
I love lists, have you noticed?
- What I'm reading lately. Some great books, and mss, too: Scott's, Sally's, Brett's... but does anyone really want to know that my taste in books is as eclectic as my music taste? I think not.
In fact, why are you reading this? I'm not that interesting. :-P
- The workings of my inner child. Delete, delete, delete! Hehe.
One thing I will do is tell you about The Lifeline. Tomorrow. :-)
Which Element Are You?
A bit of fun I was sent by Jen. :-)
http://www.abc.net.au/science/play/quiz/elements/default.htm
I am:
Iron (Fe)
Lucky Number 26
You are solid, reliable and dependable, but tend to fall apart without a little TLC. A team player, many rely on you to get the job done. Finding the right person to get close to is important for you, you big lug.
Spurning frippery you are the embodiment of nunnish dress sense. But while everyone loves someone who takes their work seriously, would it kill you to accessorise? A little carbon or chromium draped at a rakish angle can not only create the illusion of height, it can help ward off corrosion.
Famous Irons
Governor Sir Terminator Arnold Schwarzenagger
Margaret Thatcher
Sir Robert Menzies
Ideal Partner
A feather boa and a karaoke machine.
Heheh. Funny.
PS I didn't post yesterday because my post the day before was so long. I talk too much. ;-)
Great News and Songs As Life Stuff
I had some great news yesterday: my second son has been accepted into a Writer's camp for kids. Woooohooo! Nice to see one following mum's footsteps... Seriously, he's a good writer for his age and I hope he continues with it, if that's what he wants to do.
Also, thankyou Jen, my archnemesis-in-law, for posting both blog links yesterday. I will visit yours soon. Meanwhile, for anyone else who wants to pop by, Jen's blog is
here, and Stu's is
here.
Like John Cusack in a movie he was in that I actually really liked but can't for the life of me remember the name of (Scott??), I decided to make a compilation that spoke of my life. It's a bit silly, actually, but I know I'm not the only one who does that. I've found that compilations really help me write. I've done a few. One was about a book I wanted to write: music and songs that parallelled the scenes (for example, I have a scene in the book where a battle between Romans and Bretagnions in the Celtic era, so I chose Enya's
Pax Deorum to represent that).
I've bought a lot of new CD's lately, and I noticed a lot of the songs seem to parallel important moments in my life, so I figured I'd try putting together a "My Life So Far As I See It" compilation. Fun, anyway. Not a list of favourite songs, but songs that exemplify those "defining moments", as Dr. Phil calls them.
Choice was limited by being on a CD that could be burned from, that I own (not big on piracy), so they weren't always the first choice. I could only go with 80 minutes, too, or there would have been a few others.
They are:
Footloose -- Yeah, no real defining moments in my life before 1984 ;-)
Hello, by Evanescence (not Lionel Richie, although I like that song too)
The Old Ways, Loreena McKennitt -- still in my late high school years here and this one has so many layered meanings I couldn't even start to explain it!
If I Could, 1927 -- This is, in fact, one of my favourite all-time songs. Will tell you why in a sec. Love song.
Never Be You, Maria McKee, from the movie Streets of Fire.
Going Under, Evanescence. This is from my married years.
Someone Else's Story -- From the new (final) version of the musical "Chess".
My Immortal, Evanescence, but with the lyrics changed a bit. Still married here. Yeah, angry years.
Everybody Hurts, the Corrs version. PND sucks.
Na Laethe Bhi, Clannad -- represents an extremely significant point in my life early last year, while I was doing the first EnVision.
Hunter, Dido -- 'nuff said.
Whisper, Evanescence. Been an interesting year!
Cymbeline, Loreena McKennitt. This is a song she wrote using some Shakespeare lyrics. It's about acceptance and knowing that everyone's in the same spot, no matter where we are: we live, then we die. Whatever. It's actually a positive thing, knowing that. Frees one from worrying so you can get on with it.
"Fear no more the heat 'o the sun,
or the winter's furious rages;
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone and ta'en thy wages:
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney sweepers come to dust..."
Cymbeline was written near the end of his life, so I guess he'd given this subject some thought. It's also the name of a very pretty David Austin rose. :-)
Bring Me To Life, Evanescence. Was in the movie Daredevil for a bit too. Horrible movie, btw.
Here With Me, Dido. Theme song to Roswell.
The Mystic's Dream, Loreena McKennitt.
Never, Moving Pictures, from the movie Footloose. Nice little round-off-er.
As you can see, my taste in music is fairly eclectic. I own a lot of soundtracks, I noticed going through my collection. I have Dirty Dancing, Gladiator, The Karate Kid, Soul Man, St Elmo's Fire, LOTR, Robin of Sherwood, The Karate Kid, Young Guns II, Labyrinth, Crossroads (the one with the Ry Cooder music not that awful more recent effort)... oh, and Footloose. And Spaceballs. On LP. Shocking music, but I bought it as a reminder of a very important and happy night I had once. My 17th birthday -- the last truly lovely birthday I had, actually. I've been looking for the film on DVD too, even though it's a truly dumb film that I wouldn't normally buy. What can I say? I'm silly like that.
Favourite artists include 1927, Vivaldi, Clannad, Enya, Loreena McKennitt, Bon Jovi, Dead Can Dance, The Corrs, Duran Duran, Dido, Rogers & Hammerstein, Human Nature, Icehouse, Mr Mister (remember them?), Rice & Lloyd-Webber, Queen, Debussy, mediaeval music (secular and sacred). I tend, though, to like individual songs rather than follow artists in general. Example: I like Santana & Rob Morrison's dual effort but find Santana a bit full on for my taste; I like Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not The One", but can't stand his stuff in general--hiphop & club musack drive me nuts.
This exercise, of course, led me to wonder what my favourite all-time song is. My "favourite" tends to change with my mood, life, whatever, but one song I loved when it came out, and am not sick of yet, is the song "If I Could" by 1927. For anyone o/s, this band was actually one of the highest-selling Aussie bands for a bit in the late 80s/early 90s. Their first album "...ish" was a phenomenal seller, their second "The Other Side" was so-so and the third flopped rather badly.
Anyone who knows me in RL knows that I officially deplore "mush". But favourites seem to always be on the mushy side. What can I say, I'm a girl. I mean, my second choice is "Anything I Do" from Prince of Thieves, for crying out loud. That one missed out because I got sick of it for a bit, and the whole "I'll die for you" line is just a bit over the top. I'd rather someone lived, if you get my drift. And the guy singing it is just a bit too "perfect", you know? We may be Holding Out For A Hero but that's just a wee bit cloying.
I'd like the LOML, whoever he may be and wherever he may dwell, to be, you know, human.
Don't even get me started on that "Titanic" theme. Sheesh.
Consider:
If I Could (copyright 1927)
If I could paint, I'd paint a portrait of you
The sunlight in your eyes and that's the face of truth
And a single tear, like a silent prayer
That's shining so much brighter than a diamond ever dared
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you.
If I could write, I'd write a book for you,
A tale of hidden treasures with an IOU,
But a million words wouldn't say a thing
That won't be said in three words, where love's the central theme,
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you.
(Chorus):
Darling can't you see what you mean to me?
Anything I could do I'd do it for you
Darling don't you know just how far I'd go?
Anything I could do I'd do it for you
Sometimes I feel so second-rate
Seems loving you was my greatest mistake
I know I'm insecure and love don't keep score
But I wish I could give you more
If I could play, I'd play up a storm for you
A raging sea of passion that you never knew
Every whispered sound would touch your heart
And maybe for a moment I could be your favourite star
If I could do anything at all
If I could, I'd give you more
If I could do anything at all...
I'd do it for you.
Darling can't you see what you mean to me?
Anything I could do I'd do it for you
Darling don't you know just how far I'd go?
Anything I could do I'd do it for you
Darling can't you see you mean the world to me?
Anything I could do I'd do it for you
Darling don't you know just how far I'd go?
Anything I could do I'd do it, do it for you
I'd do it, do it for you.
See? Human. He's imperfect, real life, with his own insecurities, but wants to do the best he can by the woman he loves, even if he does have (he thinks) no talent at all. No overly ridiculous declarations of impending death. This is the sort of guy who doesn't necessarily say the right thing at the right time, but he'll bring you flowers every so often for no reason at all, as in, just to see you smile, not just because you've argued, or it's your birthday, or he feels like getting lucky tonight. Someone who is actually half scared about how he feels but who's willing to take that risk anyway, because, who knows?
Ya gotta love that.
My Arch Nemesis
I'm late on today because I decided it wasn't a great idea to try writing my blog during the whole chaos-before-school thing, especially since I woke up later than usual. And I've been writing--I have a RL project to finish for the EnVision anthology (more on EnVision on a later day, but if you really want to see more about it now, there's a website
here ).
My Arch Nemesis posted a comment on my last post. His name is Stu.
Stu and I have been enemies since around this time last year. We ahve yet to work out exactly what we're nemesissing about because we sort of fell into it accidentally, but it had something to do with someone's Great Aunt Laura. Interesting, since neither of us actually have a Great Aunt Laura, but there you go.
We don't actually hate each other. But give it time, we're new to this sort of thing.
Stu and his terrific wife Jen came up to beeyootiful Qld a few months ago, and we're actually supposed to be writing a story together. Stu dutifully wrote his bit, sent it off to me and then my internet connection went pftht. So I haven't added to it in, er, months. And I was supposed to be the reliable one.
It's all a part of my nefarious plan. Mwahahahahahahahahaha.
Sorry. Nemesissing has that effect on me.
He said he put a link to my blog from his, but then didn't tell me where HIS blog is. Or I'd tell you. Darnation to him!!!
Just for that, Stu, I will not follow up any tantalising comments with anything. At all. And it's not who you're thinking. :-P
What Annoys Me Lately, Part II
I went off so far yesterday that I didn't have time for my second annoyance, sorry.
Just a quick one. School starts again today, so guess who's resuming taxi duties?
Annoyance # 2:
I have had my driver's licence for around 16 years but I still can't reverse park.
Just to clarify. In some places it's called a reverse park (because you back in), and in some cases a parallel park (because you park parallel to the kerb). I don't mean a simple "rear to kerb" situation. I mean...
I'll try a diagram. Just to make sure you all know it's the Really Hard parking I'm talking about here. To curb any comments about my lack of kerbside ability. Heh.
----
car
----
----
car
----
See that empty space between the two cars? I couldn't park in one of those if you held a gun to my head. I will drive around in circles for ages until I find one I can either drive straight into or even put off until another day what I'm there for.
Stupid.
I could say in my defence that I drive a minivan, but the truth is that it wouldn't matter if I were driving a Mini, I still wouldn't be able to reverse into that parallel space.
I did it once, in my driving lesson just before my driving test. That was, as I've mentioned, 16 years ago. Haven't been able to do it since. And I have tried.
Thing is, no one's been able to explain to my satisfaction how it's done. If someone could sit next to me and say, "Ok, now, you back up until you're lined up here, yup, now turn the wheel until you get to here, yeah, that'll do it. Great, now just turn the wheel this way until you're--watch the kerb--there you go. See? Not so hard, is it?" then I'd probably get it.
And the first person who tells me to go and get a lesson from an instructor can kiss my... kerb.
Oh, and Canterbury won. Thought they might. :-D
Well, I was Wrong!
Someone
is reading this.
*waves* Hi Tim from Canada. :-)
I just dropped by to read Tim's blog. I don't know about you guys, but anyone who can complete a marathon has my admiration. I can't even run short distances. OK, there are extenuating circumstances (like the fact I'm not really built for it, even before the *cough* baby weight. I'd give myself two black eyes).
But drop by and have a look. And share hugs. Hugs are good. :-)
http://www.mts.net/~tkendall/blogger.html
What Annoys Me lately
I woke up with the mother of all headaches yesterday morning. Sigh. For some reason, that just made me want to clean something. So I was up until all hours of the morning and now have very clean kitchen wall, floors and no headache. Go figure.
Today is Rugby League Grand Final day. Oh, if I could only bring myself to care. I just don't want Canterbury to win. I'll explain why one day. Of course, they probably will. :-)
But on to business: There are two things that annoy me at the moment.
The first is regarding blogging. The fact is, a blog is usually written for ourselves, telling about stuff that no-one's really that interested in. At least in my case. I'm always interested in other people's blogs. But, let's face it, a blog is like a journal, except it's a helluva lot more public than your average journal (except my private journal which became more public than I wanted it to be--just for me--but that's another story). Thing is, they're so under-read with very few comments (unless it's a LOTR fan blog or similar) we tend to forget that they're public. But I digress.
Annoys me. Ah... yeah. Because of the nature of the blog as a self-expression tool, the writer, who may actually spend most of their day never thinking about themselves at all, can come across as self-obsessed. But then, my annoyance at sounding self-obsessed when I'm actually not probably says more about me than anything else. Why should I care what people think of me?
Thing is, I do, sometimes. And I'm no different than anyone else in that respect, really. The number one driving force of the human condition is to want to be loved. Seen. Have someone really know who you are: your rotten side (and we all have one!) and your good side (yes, we all have one of those, too!), and still think you're ok.
So, I guess what
really annoys me is that there's some sort of unwritten rule that it's not ok to admit that we need someone. So, we pick up the phone and say things like "I just wanted to hear a friendly voice" instead of what we really want to say: "I've had a crappy week. I feel hopeless and lonely and I need you." Why is that? We don't want to burden them with our problems... we don't want to be misinterpreted (my goodness! They might think I have a crush on them or something!)... we don't want to risk the possibility that they'll say, "not interested, go away." So we go on, insecure in our independence.
Wow. This is turning into a rant.
I read once about a study that was done in Russia during the Soviet era. I'm not 100% sure if it is apocryphal but I'm reasonably sure it isn't because in some dim corner of the halls of my memory I remember reading a reference note. Be buggered if I can remember exactly where, though. If I do ever find it, I'll post it.
But the study.
Debate: what was the first human language? Answer: We dunno. Language is environmental: we learn it from our parents, family, people around us. So some bright spark hypothesised that, denied human language, the "blank sheet" infants, if they grow up together without such outside influences, may come up with it on their own. Spontaneously. Ignoring the obvious stupidity involved there (deaf mute children don't spontaneously develop intelligible language denied the stimulation required to learn it sans hearing), it was decided to get a number of new born infants together and see what they came up with. I have forgotten how many infants but I think it was 400. Don't quote me on that: it may have only been 100. I know it was in the hundreds though.
So. Nannies were employed to look after the needs of these babies (who were all orphaned or abandoned in some way), looking after their sanitation, their feeding and their basic care, warmth etc. From what I read, they were looked after properly in all of those respects. However, the nannies were told to NEVER speak to them, and the number of children involved meant that affection wasn't very forthcoming either.
Within four months, every single one of those poor wee tackers had died.
Bothered by the failure of their "experiment", the scientists or psychologists or what-have-you repeated it. This time, overseers kept an eye on the nannies to make sure that no physical neglect was involved.
Same result.
The experiment did nothing to forward the study of human language genesis but said a lot about the nature of humans. We NEED love and communication to survive. Denied this, even adults will eventually fade and die younger than they should, even without suicidal tendencies being involved.
So, admit you need help today, she says in her best Roger Ramjet advertiser voiceover voice. It may just extend your life. Or, alternatively, the life of the person you're asking for help. See, when you admit you need them, they get to feel appreciated too. :-)
Now. If I can just apply that to myself. Heheh.
Things I Love
- Stories from my son, hugs from my sons and daughter, drawings from my daughter. But that's a given. :-)
- The way some of my old friends and I can go for years without seeing or speaking to each other and then take up as we left off like there was no intervening time. Clare's one such friend. Trish (not the September 30 Tricia) is another. I don't know whether to count Mark as one of these. Perhaps. Probably not.
- You know that blue the sky goes on a clear night just after the sun has finished going down and just before the stars are completely clear? It's a blue that can't be described and I have never seen it properly reproduced. There's a luminescence that can't be reproduced. Blue is my favourite colour, and that exact shade of blue is why.
- The way a newborn smells. Yeah, I know, that's trite, but it's true. Everything about a newborn smells good, from the second they are born. Even baby poo from a breastfed infant is relatively inoffensive.
- Speaking of smells, old fashioned roses. Violets. Scented pelargoniums. Musk candles from Dusk.
- Sweet Chilli and Sour cream Deli-style potato chips from the Red Rock Deli Chip Company. I don't eat them often, but... YUM. Often copied, never bettered.
- That freak-me-out moment you get just as you realise you've fallen for someone. I don't get terrified as a general rule, and don't fall often (I've found it's too difficult to pick yourself up), so it's delicious when it happens. In my case, I don't often recognise the signs until someone points it out to me. Then I have a moment of pure, unadulterated terror. Wow.
- Then there's that someone, who will remain nameless. The only person who does know who Mr Nameless is was the person who pointed this out to me. That person dropped hints for about four months regarding Mr Nameless until I finally admitted to it. That person is sworn to secrecy.
- The fact I can ramble on in a blog like this because, in all likelihood, no-one I know is actually reading it. :-)
Glad September's over
"Give me something in prose and I'll read"
Righto. Thanks Scott (whose blog is
here if you want to read it. I can only assume the URL name is some subtle reference to a certain Kevin Costner film set in Iowa :-P).
I am glad September is over, and not just because of the obvious Sept 11 association. September, 2001 actually has another association. A friend of mine, Tricia Riggs, went missing on September 30, 2001.
September 2004 has been a horror month, internationally. There was the awful, awful hostage situation in Russia, and the bombing of the Australian embassy in Indonesia. The third anniversary of September 11. The third anniversary of September 30.
I don't talk about Tricia much. I often wonder why her disappearance plays so much on my mind: by the time of her disappearance, we were no longer close friends, if we ever were. But Tricia and her husband Ian were a part of some important events of my life: Tricia and I were involved in the Canberra Homebirth Association and BACUP (Birth After Caesarian Unlimited Possibilities) together, the same church for a while, our children are contemporary, we both homeschooled. My ex husband and her husband Ian were friends. Then she and Ian moved to Darwin and we lost touch. I always took it for granted we'd catch up again, someday...
And perhaps that's why. There will never be a "someday". She is, in all likelihood, dead. She was, in all likelihood, murdered. As of today, no charges have been laid, but the file is with the DPP. Trouble is, the possibility of the culprit being who they think it is is equally horrific to the circumstances.
So, it's October. And I can put September behind me. But what of next year?
I've realised that wallowing in the negatives mean that I'm putting too much emphasis on them.
September is Spring Down Under. On the first of September every year, rain, hail, shine or frost (and given the climate of the place I grew up in, the latter was very likely), from the time I was 4 years old to the year I got married and outgrew such "frivolities" (1989, the year I turned 18. Yeah. Do the maths.) I would put on my swimmers and run under a running sprinkler. It used to (understandably) drive my mother nuts, especially on the rainy, frigid, cold days I insisted on doing it! I never could explain why I did that. I just
had to. It didn't have to be for long, maybe ten minutes, but I had to do it.
Spring always energised me.
September is teeming with birthdays. My brother on the 3rd. My eldest son on the 8th. A friend's on the 5th. My ex's on the 25th. Another friend's on the 1st. The 2nd. The 13th.
This year, in early September, I was a part of deciding who would attend Clarion South in January 2005 (for more information on that, see
http://www.clarionsouth.org). Ringing partcipants and being able to tell them a dream has come true... wow.
So, next year, I will not turn on the news. I will celebrate those birthdays with more gusto than I did this year.
I will get into my swimmers and turn on a sprinkler.
To Blog or Not To Blog...
That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous stump'dation,
Or to take arms against a sea of procrastination
And by opposing end them? To write,-- to edit--
Some more; and by an edit to say we end
The draft and the thousand natural shocks
First drafts are heir to,-- 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To write, -- to edit; --
To edit! perchance to publish: -- ay, there's the rub;
For in that edit of drafts what publications may come,
When we have shuffled off this substandard tripe,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes a calamity of so long an editation; [time,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of
The editor's wrong, the agent's contumely,
The pangs of despised reviewers, the printer's delay,
The insolence of critiquers, and the spurns
That patient merit of the other takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare keyboard? Who would criticism bear
To bleed and to sweat under a weary pen,
But that dread of something after publication, --
The undiscover'd country, from whose bourn
No author returns, -- puzzles the will,
And makes us re-do those edits we have
Than to fly to drafts that we know not of?
Thus success does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of procrastination
Is painted over with the pale cast of blogging
And enterprises of great pith and moment,
With this regard, their inspirations turn away,
And lose the name of novels. Soft you now!
The fair blogation. Blog, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember'd.
