Maybe Scott should try soccer....
Well, the Lions' guys didn't end up at the Tribunal, but Aaron Hamill did, on charges of striking, which he fortunately defended successfully:
Hamill cleared of striking
7:51:50 PM Tue 29 March, 2005
Samantha Lane
Sportal for afl.com.au
The AFL Tribunal has rejected the match review panel's ruling that St Kilda forward Aaron Hamill should be suspended for one match for striking Brisbane's Chris Scott, instead clearing the former Saints skipper of making any contact with the Lion.
The Saints took something of a gamble in contesting the panel's verdict, but were vindicated after the tribunal jury - composed of former players Michael Sexton, Emmett Dunne and Wayne Schimmelbusch at Tuesday night's hearing - ruled that Hamill's swipe at the Lion did not warrant punishment.
The former club skipper is now free to play against Fremantle in Tasmania this weekend.
Hamill successfully argued that he had not made contact with Scott's face during the third quarter of last Thursday night's fiery round one clash at the Gabba. And Scott, who gave evidence over the telephone, said he had attempted to gain a free kick on the night but had not actually been struck.
It had been suggested that Scott had a tooth damaged in the incident, but he told the tribunal that it had happened in a separate incident during the match. Scott said he had taken a dive following Hamill's swipe and admitted to making it 'look as theatrical as possible'.
The duel between the two tough nuts was one of the features of the fiercely-fought match, but Scott said he and Hamill had engaged in some light-hearted banter over the incident that prompted the report by umpire Scott McLaren.
"He (Hamill) said he thought I was a better player than to take a dive and I suggested I thought he was a better shot," Scott said.
Umpire McLaren told the tribunal he had observed Hamill making 'glancing' contact with Scott on the night, but described the force as minimal.
The match review panel had assessed the incident as negligent conduct (one point), low impact (one point), in play (one point) and high contact (two points).
With a total of five activation points, it was deemed a Level One offence drawing 125 demerit points and a one-match suspension. But due to a previous one-game suspension, his penalty was increased by 10 per cent to 137.5 points.
Had Hamill chosen to accept the panel's verdict, he would have received a 25 percent reduction and been suspended for one match. But Hamill chose to risk at least that punishment by contesting the charge.(Article from
AFL.COM)
Well, at least Mr Scott came clean, but I reckon he's in the wrong sport...
On a Side Note
Persuant to last post, my
Cainer 'scope today would rather seriously send me nutsoid if I believed in that sort of thing:
There's something you want but which, one way or another, the universe is not yet letting you have. But there is something else that would more than compensate for this and which clearly IS on offer. So what's the problem? The problem is a fixed idea. As Saturn starts moving in the right direction once more, you just need to be a bit more fluid and flexible. Do what you can for now. Then, later, you can do the rest.OK, I know what the universe isn't letting me have that I want (no I'm not saying what that is out loud, are you kidding me??), but I have NO idea what IS on offer instead. Sigh.
Pftht.
A Need To Know
I think I've mentioned before that I have "Research is my Life" tattoo'd on my forehead, along with a few other things, of course. I've been trying (rather unsuccessfully) to get back into my writing, and it's gotten to the point that I've realised that my "excuses" aren't actually "excuses" at all, they're some rather real difficulties. I'm going to have to re-order a few things to finish anything. And take a break once I've moved house. I've just realised my life has been rather stressful of late (what did a friend say to me recently? She's known people who've gone through half of what I've been dealing with lately who've just given up and suicided? I don't know, I think that's a melodramatic solution to one's problems, but I see her point).
Despite that, I went to the doctor last week and had some tests done and ALL of my stress indicators have improved. Every single one. Adrenalin & thyroid function're back to normal, heart rates & function's normal, blood tests - normal, glucose function excellent (I was pre diabetic before) -- despite putting ON 12 kilos over the year (Ok, most of them were from some mistaken steroidal medication another doctor put me on for a chronic cough that she should've found out the cause of first), my blood pressure is UP... er, a Good Thing because I tend to have blood pressure on the low side. Like, sudden falling over side hehe. The only thing still in the abnormal ranges were some blood salts (but that's because I apparently am not eating enough. Grr).
Considering the same doctor in July last year was predicting my death by age 35 (I was 33 at the time) if things continued the way they were, that's pretty good, I reckon. He was seriously concerned. He's happy now. hehe. (Er, sorry dad, mum & bro for not telling you this last year, you guys have enough on your own respective plates to be worrying about me, and besides, I thought he was exaggerating just a wee bit).
And the only thing that's changed? No more ex-husband abuse on a daily basis -- and Good friends, more contact with my family. I'm still stressed, but I'm
loved. More to the point, I KNOW I'm loved. People keep telling me this, and they even seem to mean it. Not romantically, of course, but still.
Funny thing is, I didn't even realise how badly off I was until my ex moved out and my way of coping changed (it's taken about a year to be able to sleep normally again). Yeah, I still get stressed out to the point of tears -- as everyone does, I'm nothing special -- but at least now I can admit that without getting hit. And normal stressors (you know, the every day little things) aren't "always" taking me down any more. It takes a lot more than that for me to admit to it now hehe... seriously, I'm only reacting to "big" stuff (the ex trying to take the kids for extra time when they don't actually want to be taken, for example) and I know my "break" point and will now ask for help if I get there. Before, I'd just pretend nothing was wrong.
Oy, I'm rambling. How boring. Sorry.
Having said that (and back on topic), I needed to do some research to start to continue my book, and I got so embroiled in it that I forgot to make lunch. I love it. I'm starting to realise I'm in the wrong profession: I could happily spend my life doing research on just about anything. Apparently you can get paid for that. Will look into it. It's not the writing that fascinates me so much (although I do like it, although not so much right now. Blocked. Blocked. Blocked. *sob*). I do genealogy because I'm fascinated by the stories behind the ancestors, I'm not interested in "name collecting" or trying to see who I'm related to (although there's nothing wrong with that, of course).
I love history, not because of the dry facts and figures, but because of the stories involved. I love finding out the "truth" behind historical fallacies (and yes, in case anyone was wondering, I am a Ricardian *winks*). That's why I love Michael Wood so much (or at least his documentaries!), because he does "follow in footsteps" history, looking at the lives and stories. Example, I learned that Shakespeare's parents were Catholic in an Elizabethan England and his father was once a councillor, but was chucked out at some point, and when you start to look at his plays from that POV, they change ever so slightly in political meaning. Wow. OK, I will admit to a crush on Wood, his enthusiasm is enchanting. But I never said that, OK? :-P
The flip side of that is I used to hate not knowing something. (With age and experience, I have come to realise that I can't possibly know everything so will have to accept that. hehe). Just for clarification, I don't mean gossip. I don't feel the need to know (or share) what everyone's doing with their life right now (unless it's applicable to the person/s I am talking to in some way or I've been asked to share) or whether Jen & Brad are getting back together or getting a divorce. Or whether Tony Abbott's son is really his (on a side note, poor guys, imagine having to go through all of that in such a public forum. Wish the media would pull their heads in, we don't "need to know" all of that).
But, if anyone really wanted to torture me, they could do what Christian Slater did in Bed of Roses. Send anonymous flowers or something. (Truth? I'd probably like that, mostly because it's highly unlikely, but it would still drive me crazy). Or set me a research goal I can't possibly meet. hehe. I could also add here, that if I didn't already have a sane, realistic view of how, er, Mr Unnamed, thinks of me, not knowing that would drive me nuts, too. It's good to have a pragmatic mind. :-D
Anyway, I guess the thing is, if you hate research but need to do it, ask me. It's no imposition, you're allowing me to indulge in some of that
"forget to eat lunch" love that's so important. *grin*
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've been given the green light to start my long walks again. I can finally take some real action to remove that steroid-caused weight. Woohoo! So I'm going for a walk. :-D
Maybe getting some exercise will clear my head enough to start writing again. My brain's gluggy lately.
Although, all I'll probably do is get embroiled in some sort of research again. Heheheeee!
Yu-Gi-Oh! and stuff
Listening to: The Corrs,
The Best of the Corrs. Go on, go on, come on leave me breathless... lalala. :-D
Number 2 & 3 sons have been victims of the craze for some time ago, but I've resisted encouraging it by playing with them.
Last week, though, when D&N were visiting, my intrepid #3 managed to convince Nicky to have a game and watching it made it look interesting, so yesterday I asked them to teach it to me.
Bloody addictive game, that. Can't play it today because the boys are at their dad's. Can't survive. Must play. Must get myself my own player deck. I was thinking that I could make up a pack of all.... er. Umm. Hm. Never mind.
Watched
the Bodyguard again last night, you know, Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston. Love some of those songs. Since my Love Song Duel at LL seems to be over (and I don't really feel like entering into a "cheating hearts" duel, especially when I'm supposed to be the "cheat", which presses all sorts of buttons I'd rather not deal with right now), I'll just have to post my sappy yearnings here. Sorry, guys, but that's how it is.
It's my blog and I'll yearn if I want to... hehe. You would yearn too if he happened to you...? Nah, that's just silly. (Of course anyone who isn't familiar with "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" will be convinced of my insanity, but that's OK, I gave up on being thought sane a long time ago. :-P)
One from
The Bodyguard, anyhow:
Run To You
I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
Oh, oh, a girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone
I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay
Or will you run away?
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh, oh, what's the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what this means
I wanna run to you
I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm?
I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay
Or will you run away?
I need ya here
I need ya here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...Right, then. Back to your regularly scheduled programming. *coughs*
Poor Nicky
Well, The Saints lost their game. But worse, Nick Reiwoldt broke his collarbone (and would somebody please give Lions' No 22 a good kick in the...? *grr*).
Brisbane 18.8 (116) St Kilda 13.15 (93)
ST KILDA captain Nick Riewoldt became the AFL's first major casualty of the season during his side's crushing 23-point loss to a relentless Brisbane outfit at the Gabba last night.
Riewoldt was reduced to a blubbering mess on the sidelines with a broken collarbone midway through the third quarter of an often spiteful encounter.
The Gold Coast product was visibly distressed over the injury that was compounded by two off-the-ball incidents involving Lions defenders Mal Michael and Chris Scott (*grr*).
Michael and Scott ensured Riewoldt wouldn't take any further part in the game by charging into the superstar's shoulder moments after he attempted to take a low diving mark on the hard Gabba surface.
Riewoldt, already clutching his shoulder, was clipped twice on the point before leaving the field.
He will have scans tomorrow but is expected to be out for at least a month.
St Kilda coach Grant Thomas said he would have to review footage of the incident before deciding whether to pursue the matter with the AFL.
Brisbane's four-time premiership winning coach Leigh Matthews refused to comment on the matter and whether it was outside the spirit of the game.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Matthews said.
"You're assuming that both players know that he's injured. Don't ask me about stuff I don't know. You can ask me about it after I watch the tape."
The incident was just one of a number of heated clashes during the match which the Lions eventually ran away with 18.8 (116) to 13.15 (93).
Lions hardman Chris Johnson had his guernsey ripped to shreds by Steven Baker while the tenacious Scott [No 22] lost a tooth. [He came in after Nicky had hurt himself and did a bloody nasty hit on Nicky's shoulder, while Nicky didn't have the ball and was trying to leave the park--the ball was, in fact, up the other end. Aaron Hamill came to Nicky's defense and took out No 22's tooth later with a nice rounder when Scott tried a hold on the guernsey, again, while Hamill didn't have the ball, and wasn't going for it. I say "good." Sick of watching the Lions play dirty when they think umps are looking elsewhere, they did it all last season to most of the good teams, and No 22 was the worst last year, too. Even the commentators were disgusted].
Midfield genius Nigel Lappin is also facing a nervous wait for scans after he injured the same ankle that kept him out of the pre-season.
Brisbane established a commanding 23-point buffer by half-time before the Saints came marching back into the contest on the back of Aaron Hamill (
) and Stephen Milne.
The visitors kicked five unanswered goals in the space of 15 minutes to steal the lead before the Lions finally woke from their slumber.
Riewoldt's departure opened the door for the hosts who rode the back of youngster Jared Brennan to victory.
Brennan finished with four goals in an outstanding return to the top-flight with five other players - including Clark Keating and Daniel Bradshaw - each kicking two goals apiece.
St Kilda lynchpin Fraser Gehrig was a non-factor, the underdone power forward failing to kick a single major.
However, coach Thomas has backed him to fire up in the absence of Riewoldt, who looks like being sidelined for at least six weeks.If you look at the baseline, the real factor is that the Saints are able to get the ball up to their goal end, but seem to have trouble converting single points into 6. Hamill, for example, will be rather annoyed with himself, missing 3 right in front (although he kicked another 3). Must admit it was rather nice to see the seniors running in to defend Nicky, who is only a baby, really, just 19. (Oh, my gosh. I must be getting old. I'm calling 19 year-olds babies. Yikeys).
Oh, well. Next week.
Meanwhile, quiet Easter for me. No plans. Don't even expect to eat chocolate. Probably a Good Thing. :-)
Hey Liz
Thought you may like this, from Cainer today:
Aries: As the Moon now grows full in your opposite sign, you are becoming increasingly uncomfortable about an important relationship. It doesn't seem to be going the way you think it ought to be going. The other person isn't doing whatever you feel they really should be doing. Conversations seem to be going round in circles if, or when, they are happening at all. Try to be patient. Try not to judge. Things will improve sooner than you think.:-)
And speaking of Arians, I hope one I know keeps his beard. While I am only fond of beards on some people (others need to learn some basic hygiene before bothering), this one makes you look very distinguished. I know it's coming off soon, but it's
trés cute. :-D Of course, chances are he doesn't read this, but anyhow... ;-)
Saw an interesting film last night, but I can't remember the name of it. Something to do with Steve Zissou, about a man who does marine documentaries who loses a friend to a huge jaguar shark and determines that he must dynamite it to death. It had an ensemble cast: Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, Owen Wilson, Angelica Houston, others. It's not a take-off of Jacques Cousteu, exactly, but it's more amusing in parts if you're familiar with Jacques' work. Hearing David Bowie songs in Portuguese very educational, too.
Dinner was funny. there was this waiter, who was the slowest and the fastest waiter on the planet (as the person with me commented dryly). He was Yurtle the Turtle with taking orders and I'm pretty sure he actually raised and killed the chicken used in the chicken caesar salad, but once he was actually at the table, in "talkie" mode, he morphed into Speedy Gonzales. "And that'll be a caesar and.... ok, not thirsty" LOL. Funny. :-D
Needless to say, I didn't leave a tip (dinner was my shout. Friend paid for movie, thankyou, friend. :-) ). Actually, tipping is not something we do in Australia (waiting staff earn a living wage without them) but I think we should start to introduce an almost US-system where wages are frozen as they are and tips make up some livelihood. It might improve the "service" industries in this country. I think Australians think the word "serve" is a filthy, five letter word. It's changing, but it still leads to amusing waiters like last night's (to be fair, the guy that eventually brought the food was nice and courteous. Not as funny though).
Well, last day of term today, so I will have the wee bairns at home for the next two weeks. Should be fun. Yet, I envisage my writing "procrastination" is likely to continue... :-D
Please Vote
I'm doing an
important survey.
Done now. Thanks for the comments. :-)
All You Need Is Love
da dada dada....
From news.com.au today, another study that fits with my "lone wolf = bad" theory (so, fo course I'm going to like it hehehe).
Original link: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,12607184-13762,00.html but given it won't be a lasting one, here's the text:
True love keeps the heart beating
By Katrina Strickland
March 21, 2005
ALL you need is love - or so sang The Beatles. Hard headed 21st-centurists know this to be rubbish; you need a telly, a car, a mobile phone, a palm pilot and an iPod, for starters.
But a Melbourne academic told a conference on health and ageing at the weekend that, while we need more than love to keep us alive, love may keep us alive for longer.
Marc Cohen told the International Conference on Health Ageing and Longevity in Brisbane that there was multiple evidence to suggest that love, and lots of it, was a prime cause of a long, high-quality life (unexpected accidents notwithstanding).
Before singles reach for the razor blades, however, they should note that Professor Cohen is not talking about romantic love - he defines love as something that makes you feel as if time has stopped still.
Therefore, if you love gardening, or painting, or computer games, and get so immersed in it that you forget to make yourself lunch, then you're probably doing fine. If you hate your job and spend five days a week watching the clock tick around to 5pm, then you might be in trouble.
"All activities where you're totally focused on an act and lose track of time are loving activities," Professor Cohen said. "There is increasing clinical evidence that enjoying loving activities will help prolong life."
Founding professor of complementary medicine at Melbourne's RMIT University, Cohen pointed to a 1970s US study which found that rabbits cuddled by their laboratory assistants lived 60 per cent longer than those that weren't, even when both were fed the same high-fat diets. [Cuddles are GOOD!! :-D]
A study of 1000 Israeli men who suffered heart disease found those who felt loved by their wives had 50 per cent-less angina and cardiac attacks to those with problematic relationships.
The fact that women live longer than men can also be traced back to love - the love they dole out to children and partners, in the face of sometimes brutal indifference. [My note: Although it should be noted here that studies have shown that, although women in general live longer than men, single women live longer than their married counterparts and married men live longer than single men. It would seem that being on the receiving end of love makes a difference].
So if love's what we need, where can we get more of it? Doing something you really enjoy is a good start, Professor Cohen said. But just as pain declines when it is shared, so joy increases when it involves other people.
He pointed to a 2002 National Heart Foundation study that showed social isolation and lack of group support were as significant as high cholesterol, high blood pressure and smoking among people with heart disease.
"Positive social connections are more powerful than being alone," he said.
If you must be alone, however, meditate; Professor Cohen thinks it's a good way of stimulating that feeling of time stopping still. This isn't actually what I was going to say today, but I browse the news site when I'm online.
But I had to post this because I absolutely know it will send Nicky into stitches and that's always a Good Thing:
Aries: As Venus gets set to move into your sign, think of the Love Lessons you have learned (or perceptions you have been keeping secret) over the past three weeks. Today: Leo Moon = Beautiful new hair reality.
Yes, Leos = all about the hair!! heheheeee. Sorry, folks, running gag.
Bad news, though, looks like Harvey will not be playing for the opener against Brisbane Lions Thursday night. Sigh. The good news is that Hamill's fit, so I'm now doubly bummed I can't get go watch it live. Last year, the Lions were the Saints' deathbringers:
Last year, the Lions defeated St Kilda twice at the Gabba, the second an 80-point shellacking in the qualifying final.
At the time, Thomas said some of his players were in awe of Brisbane.
"If we're not prepared and the attitude's not right, you get beaten," Thomas said yesterday of the Gabba journey. "It's a fairly hostile environment to go to unprepared and we just need to be right and I'm sure we will be."
St Kilda's barnstorming half-forward Aaron Hamill admitted aspects of the qualifying final had been addressed this week.
"We've brought up a little bit. There's no doubt when you play against Brisbane either home or away they expose any weakness and we were very fragile last time," Hamill said.
"We haven't gone over the top with it but we've addressed certain issues and one area we've got to be right on our game is the contested footy."
A first-up win, Hamill said, would be the ideal psychological start to the season.
"It's just another piece in the puzzle we've really got to put together," he said. "To be a good team, a great team, we've got to win any time anywhere and this is just another challenge."Indeed. Aaron Hamill is, of course, a Leo, so I'm sure his hair will be terrific on Thursday (snigger). Let's hope his form is as good: he's not the best player on the field (he's usually the one with the highest work rate on the field though, although it doesn't always translate into goals -- he tends to set up other players', team player and all) but he is their psychological edge: when he doesn't play (as he didn't against the Lions on the semis) they tend to fall apart... not a Good Thing, one player does not a team make. But the man has more energy than anyone else on the ground and to shut the Saints down, the Lions shut Hamill down first. The first game he did play in last year against the Lions (at home) they won (by a disputed point). But the Lions at the Gabba? The only way to beat them is with a stick, while they sleep.
Actually, I wasn't going to talk about the footy, either, but you know, browsing the news. I'm up to the sports section. :-D
What I was going to say, however, was actually a song quote I like. But I'm not going to now, that'd just be silly. :-P
Feeling chatty today, obviously
Either that, or I need to Get A Life.
I actually hate that phrase. It's usually uttered by people who just don't like the life you've got. :-P I actually have a life, a full and busy one, but given the fact I've been running around like a chook with its head cut off lately, I unsurprisingly feel like doing very little today. Not that I will. Or am. Doing very little, that is. But I'm supposed to be cutting stress, health, you know. HAhahahahahahaha!!
I actually opened this to post something specific, but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. Hello,
Disorganised mind.
I'm going to go do some Pilates or something.
"In" Joke
Only one person's going to fully understand this, but I'm not receiving email so...
According to MysticMed, I have "An uber-bolshie Mars transit" happening at the moment. Mars being the ruling planet of Aries. So, given the protocol for "a little bolshie" what do I get for UBER bolshie???
(PS This is not a rhetorical question. I'm really very curious *grin*)
Well, the good news is
my house sold... again.
Listening to: my compiled soundtrack, some of the songs from the latter bit are now getting rather out of date, but never mind.
And it seems that what I was no longer bothering with wasn't as bad as I thought, so..., er... still a cryptic post. :-D
And, just one more thing, to a couple of people who shall remain nameless but know who they are:
WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D
The Straw That Broke It
This is a deliberately cryptic post, most of what I want to say at the moment is for my private journal, unfortunately. Suffice to say, there comes a time when you realise it's not worth, er, bothering with a particular, er, thing, because that... ah. This is harder than I thought, I need the master of cryptic posts, the ever mysterious and magical NY Gemini to assist here. Sigh.
Never mind.
Well, the jury's in
Seems the consensus is that people like my old... er...new... surname better than my married one.
Cool bananas!
Happy St Patrick's Day
Seems like a strange thing for an Australian to say, but given we're a convict nation, most anglos in this country have an inordinant amount of Irish blood in 'em, so the day tends to be an unofficial public holiday (ie, lots of people take a sickie and head to the pub). In my case, there's a whack of Irish blood on my paternal side, but my kids have more Irish in 'em than I do my ex's mother's maiden name is Irish, the ancestor arrived in Sydney in 1863). Ironically, no convict blood in my family, although I suspect one of the ex's mother's female ancestors was, although I haven't been able to track that lady down.
But anyhow... some friends going through some rough times at the moment, so cyber hugs all round...
To one: may your son be better soon.
Next one: may your work give you a bit of slack. Good luck with the feet on Saturday!
Next one: Back problems suck (I know!) -- it'll probably get worse before it gets better, but keep at it and, I know it runs against the grain, remember to ask for help if you need it! And get hugs, hugs help endorphins and they are painkillers. Enquires about how someone's doing are proven medically to speed up the physical and psychological healing processes. So feel free to complain a bit, it'll do you good. Good luck with the new job application, hope it works out. x :-D
And, finally, to another who has (I believe) been unfairly retrenched because her bosses have the concept that they owned her out-of-work time as well as the 60 hours they already had her on the clock: The good news about this, is you can now write in your own name if you choose to. And I agree with another about unfair dismissal. And the best form of revenge is success, you go! :-)
Oh! On a side note
Zoo Tycoon rools. :-D
Well, the bad news is....
my house sale fell through. The good news is, that when I agreed with a contract with the party of the first part there was a party of the second part who also wanted to buy the place (they were the 3rd people to look but the frst people to book an appointment), and they're coming on Sunday to have another quick look-see. They'd be here tomorrow but he's in Armidale (abot 1000 kms away) for a horse dentist conference. They were extremely disappointed when they found out I'd signed a contract and extremely happy when they found out it had fallen through. And they're country vet people so they'll understand that the fact there are termites in a paddock half an acre away doesn't mean that they'll suddenly jump and eat the house next week (they've been there for the entire time I've lived here and haven't migrated to the house yet).
They also understand country councils (you know, that they're inept and forget to put through final extension permissions that were paid for 2 and a half years ago, which doesn't mean they're going to come and knock down the house next week, either).
So, fingers crossed.
Enough is enough
I just wanted to share this quote. It was originally from an article about Nicole Brown Simpson's death, but it's applicable to the 50% of women (and some men, of course) in a partnership, married, defacto, gay or dating who are abused in this state some time in their lives. Yes, that figure seems high, but it is that high because of the high levels of spousal abuse in indigenous communities (still something we don't talk about for fear of being called "racist", while the indigenous community continues to suffer under this burden nonetheless). But the Australian figure is still 39 - 40%. And that's too high.
And I was, until recently, one of those statistics. And I'm still ashamed to admit that.
I'm now far enough away from it to be genuinely angry.
When do abusers (male or female, while I can applaud the Federal government's "Violence Against Women -- Australia says NO" campaign, about 5% of the genuinely abused are men abused by women, or, in a rising statistic, their gay partners) give themselves permission to act this way? Why do we defend that? Or on the other hand, why do we shake our heads and talk about how awful it is but still do nothing?
And if I hear one more "the poor bloke, he was abused as a kid too," comment, I shall scream. It's a reason, but it's an EXCUSE not a PASSPORT to behave the same way. My ex told my daughter that the reason he hit me was because his father died when he was 13 and he never received "proper guidance". Sure he did. He knew it was wrong: he said so. He just chose not to stop it. How dare he tell his daughter that? How dare he act like he did nothing wrong? How dare he set her up for a similar relationship that way?
I know of at least two fine upstanding men, one quite close to me, who lost their fathers at an early age or were abused or bullied as kids. They chose not to behave that way. I know a couple of men who weren't abused as kids who do.
What is wrong with our society when a videotaped bullying session that leaves a kid in hospital gets the victim suspended from school as well for "retaliating"? (read: defending himself against five boys -- one who did ju-jitsu for 7 years -- while some 20 other students stood and watched while this kid was beaten so badly he couldn't move and
did nothing.
We blame her, as the batterer did. We ask why she stayed, though we, of course, were not prepared to stand between her and the batterer so that she could leave. And if, after she is dead, we tell the police that we heard the accused murderer beat her in 1977, and saw her with black eyes--as Nicole's neighbors did--we will not be allowed to testify, which may be the only justice in this, since it has taken us 17 years to bother to speak at all.
Every battered woman learns early on not to expect help. A battered woman confides in someone, when she does, to leave a trail. nd if we don't, out of fear or the feeling that doing so is pointless anyway, we are asked why it took so long.
She overcomes her fear of triggering violence in the batterer if he finds out that she has spoken in order to leave a verbal marker somewhere, with someone. She thinks the other person's word will be believed later.
Every battered woman faces death more than once, and each time the chance is real: The batterer decides. Eventually, she's fractured inside by the continuing degradation and her emotional world is a landscape of desperation. Of course, she smiles in public and is a good wife. He insists--and so [does society].
The desperation is part fear--fear of pain, fear of dying--and part isolation, a brutal aloneness, because everything has failed--every call for help to anyone, every assumption about love, every hope for self-respect and even a shred of dignity. What dignity is there, after all, in confessing, as Nicole did in her diary, that O.J. started beating her on a street in New York and, in their hotel room, "continued to beat me for hours as I kept crawling for the door." He kept hitting her while sexually using her, which is rape--because no meaningful consent is possible or plausible in the context of this violence.
Every battered woman's life has in it many rapes like this one. Sometimes, one complies without the overt violence but in fear of it. Or sometimes, one initiates sex to try to stop or head off a beating. Of course, there are also the so-called good times--when romance overcomes the memory of violence. Both the violation and the complicity make one deeply ashamed. The shame is corrosive. Whatever the batterer left, it attacks. Why would one tell? How can one face it? How, indeed.
Battered wife syndrome is often ignored simply because, often, after a period of time, she's no longer battered physically (watch for comments like "he used to hit me but doesn't any more."). However, in some respects such relationships are similar to cult brainwashing. And doesn't it make me feel ashamed to admit that! Why? because it makes me feel stupid, is why. How stupid was I to stay? Never mind the fact that my IQ could get me into Mensa, I'm still not very smart.
I stayed, after all, right?
Quoted from
Captive Hearts, Captive Minds:
Freedom and Recovery from Cults and Abusive RelationshipsBy Madeleine L. Tobias and Janja Lalich
The similarities between cultic devotion and the traumatic bonding that occurs between battered individuals and their abusers are striking. An abused partner is generally made to submit to the following types of behaviors:
- early verbal and/or physical dominance,
- isolation/imprisonment
- fear arousal and maintenance
- guilt induction
- contingent expressions of "love"
- enforced loyalty to the aggressor and self-denunciation
- promotion of powerlessness and helplessness
- pathological expressions of jealousy
- hope-instilling behaviours
- required secrecy
When psychological coercion and manipulative exploitation have been used in a one-on-one cultic relationship, the person leaving such a relationship faces issues similar to those encountered by someone leaving a cultic group.I am going to post this list of pointers simply because if one person, just one, can avoid or leave a relationship that will leave them battered, emotionally or physically, or dead, then it will go some small way to repay the universe for the help I've received over the past couple of years.
Abusers are, basically, closet narcissists. This is even if they seem to be underconfident (or perhaps especially so). This isn't, of course to say that an underconfident man will abuse, of course not!
Narcissism is:
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity as seen through fantasy or behaviour, need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts.
Beware of someone you are involved with has five (or more) of the following characteristics common amongst those diagnosed with "Narcissistic Personality Disorder."
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
- Requires excessive admiration.
- Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
- Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.
Note: These criteria are excerpted from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 1994, American Psychiatric Association.And tell someone. You are not alone, and are not the only person who goes through this. It is NOT your fault. Let me say that again.
It is not your fault. Even if you are, say, a complete bitch, he chooses to hit you rather than leave you for it. That's his problem. A healthy man, if you are, in fact, that "bad", may say, "stop that or I will not stay with you," and expect change, but will not beat you up for it. If he pushes your buttons to make you explode first and then hits you, he's the problem. If he stands in a doorway and won't let you out of a room unless you have to push him to get out of it and then hits you in "defence", he has a problem. If he tells you you're not worth anything, he is the problem. If he has sex with you without your permission, even without hitting, he is a rapist. Even if you are asleep. Even if you give in to
prevent violence.
And, guys, please. Tell your brothers it's not on. Men who do this don't listen to females: we're the problem, the loony raving feminazis who are sucking the life out of them. One thing the much-maligned Puritans did do: they kicked men who hit their wives out of the church. And if you're a violent female, stop it. Now. I don't care what your excuse is, how badly you were treated once, or now, doesn't justify you putting others through the same hell you've been through. You know what harm you're doing: you should know better.
If you have anger management issues, or a medical disorder that makes it hard for you to utilise self-control, get some counselling or take your meds. If you're so angry you want to kill something, buy a punching bag and walk away from children and loved ones. Because if you do something insane when you're on a boiler, you'll regret it when you are healthy again -- and there's no going back once you've killed someone.
And if you're a female, or male, who's EVER lied about being raped or abused, shame on you, and thanks for making it harder for real victims to get taken seriously. Get a grip.
Enough is enough.
Aaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Warning, Will Robinson! Whine post/rant ahead! Turn away now. Now, I say.
Well, you can't say I didn't warn you.
St Kilda Saints, my AFL team, it turns out, ARE playing in Brisbane this season. Yay! Not! NEXT WEEK. Next Thursday. I can't possibly make it. No money. No time. No sitter. No hope. I missed out last season the one time they played the Lions up here in round 22 (long story but have I mentioned how much I dislike my ex? No?), and they didn't play up here at all in the 2003 season. Not at all. Urgh. And now, round bloody one. Round one! Easter! INGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Oh, and my house sale seems to have fallen over due to the sheer incompetence of a single council worker 2 and a half years ago. But that's hardly important.
I just wish that my #2 son hadn't said, "Don't worry, mum, things can't get any worse."
I may or may not see you again. Chances are, after a comment like that, a piano's going to materialise out of thin air and fall on my head.
(As an aside, wonder where the term came from. "Thin air"? Can anything materialise out of THICK air?? Hmm).
Rescue remedy, Rescue Remedy, Rescue Remedy.
I shall write a haiku and call it George. Excuse me.
2005 Clarion Quotes
Okay, they were a while coming, but here they are, folks!
For everyone who doesn't know, Clarion quotes are gathered so that a good one (or good ones) can be printed on the official traditional Clarion student T shirt. Often, they are of the "you had to be there" variety, so don't worry if they don't seem amusing; they were at the time.
This year, they were collected by the "convenor in the room", who was sometimes not in the room because they had to go and print out stories, etc., so if I've missed any, Clarion peoples, feel free to email me and I'll add them in here. I'll also upload it in Word format at the private Clarion list, with names. :-)
Where the tutor has given advice, I've labelled that (but not when it's a "funny" instead).
If anyone wants to link directly to the Quotes, the URL is:
http://disorganisedramblings.blogspot.com/2005/03/2005-clarion-quotes.html
I have followed
Alinta's method of grouping quotes by week. They are reported faithfully, and therefore may be a bit rude. :-)
Week OneI should probably mention that the week one tutor set Haiku homework so there are a few of those here.
- Student - "I antiditto your antiditto."
Rather nervous tutor - "[Convenor], what do I do now!!??"
- "That's the part that's missing for me - the creepy, spooky weirdness."
- "Her husband and her children must be very glad she's dead."
- "I love this story beyond belief, except for the ending."
- "It felt to me like a documentary with sci-fi plugin."
- Student A - "I was raised on Feist and Eddings. It doesn't get much worse than that."
Student B - "Ditto."
- "This story was the reason I was up til 3.00 this morning."
- "Satanic lesbian librarians."
- Australian student to North American student - "In Australian vernacular you'd be called a petrol head."
- "Did you write this this week? We were having a kabbal about it last night. We will have to have you killed."
- "Next week can we lay off killing small children."
- "Advanced robot week."
- "She's a bitch, or a bastard. I'm not sure."
- Student A - "Time travelling succubus."
Student B - "Pick me, pick me!"
- "Ditto-ish."
- "She was swallowing semen and I thought that was way too far for my job."
- "'While eating several children' versus 'while eating, several children'."
- "At the end there, there was not enough dead baby payoff."
- Female student - "It didn't ring true to me but I'm not a bloke."
- Tutor - "A whole different sort of pump you've been using."
- "I like the idea of the whole magic breast milk thing."
- "And again, I'll get a big time anti-ditto here."
- "You know how you get one gimmick you can get to use in a story..."
- "I wasn't sure if I dreamed this story."
- "I'll put my feminist hat on."
- T-shirt Haiku -
God frigging damn it.
No start. No plot. No story.
What was I thinking?
- Convenor Haiku -
Sitting in the room
Convenor watches critiques
So dance, monkey, dance.
Week Two
- "I like the mix of cannibalism and young adult fiction. It's something I always wanted to fool around with."
- "Possibly advice on meat flavour from a vegetarian..."
- "I thought this was lovely - in a cannibal, rapist, pirate kind of way."
- Tutor - "Reality has a completely unearned authority."
- "No pole dancing in the morgue."
- "If I had a horse, I'd horse whip you."
- "I understand the swearing was part of the protagonist's voice but there was way too fucking much of it."
- "The swearing didn't quite flow - you need to practice more."
- "I find the idea of a cute cockroach arse very disturbing. I hope you don't sell it to a magazine with illustrations."
- "I was less confused before I asked that question."
- Tutor - "You cannot succeed higher than what you aim at."
- "The protag didn't protag."
- "She struck me as a bit of a rabbit boiler."
- "She's been masturbating since page 8."
- "How did Felicia simulate the wet, sucking sound?"
- "Really liked the concept and as a result, critiqued it harshly."
- "I'm not really into literature and stuff." [From a WRITER!!!]
- "It was a lovely story. I fell right asleep afterwards."
- "And that can put people off who are anal, like me."
- "You've written an anti feminist feminist story."
- "Only one ice bear per paragraph."
- "Welcome to the world's most useless crit."
- "It's completely absurdist so I don't think it needs a plot."
- "I want the weekly installment. I want the action figures."
- T-shirt quote!! Tutor - "We are all going to die but before we do we'll fix this story."
- "Seems to be an awful lot of booty time."
- "That's not your zebra."
- "I got this old man image getting it on with this diseased younger woman."
- "I wanted an infodump so bad."
- "It was a lovely forest to be lost in."
- "You're promising a lot more snot than it's got."
- "You just have a great talent for imagery that makes you go 'ahhh. Oh. Eww!"
- "Christian beetles?"
- "Not that 'gory' is a bad thing. I don't want you to take that the wrong way."
- "You were going to set fire to an entire island, but then you got in the way of it."
- "You're a terrible tease. I was very frustrated."
- Tutor - "You have to be immensely confident in your own prose even when you know it sucks."
- Tutor - "Infodumps are not always bad."
- "You have an entire society going, 'I'd rather eat my sister than go vegetarian.' That's extreme."
- "When the parents were linking arms singing 'we will overcome,' I wanted the tank to run over them. I would've driven the tank. And I'm a pacifist."
- "I thought this was really wonderful, so, sorry, this is really useless."
- "I'd like to see you think up some weird shit."
- "That was massively anticlimactic."
- "I loved the sea serpent. It served no purpose but I got so excited when it popped up."
- "Samir dies on page 11. You nned to introduce him before he dies."
- "And that is the end to my evisceration."
Week Three
- "Yay, hard SF!"
- "I looked at this and couldn't work out whether it was New Weird or Old Peculiar. The way you're going, you're going to start a whole new sub-genre."
- "This is more of a morning piece."
- "Whatever you're consuming in your room, I want some."
- "I found it a lovely, surprising, ambitious story - that I couldn't understand."
- "I can't believe there was a hint of danger in being stalked by a chair."
- "I thought the strongest, most vivid character was the chair, followed by the dog."
- "I love the fact there was a love triangle between her, the chair and the dog."
- "It's certainly a story that's getting comments that will push the story one way or the other - I'm in the camp of 'Evil Chair'."
- "Crossbows don't get set to stun, they're designed to kill."
- "I got to this at 4.30 in the morning and I loved it."
- "How much do I have to read before I get to the damn dragon?"
- "You can just be pretty."
- "I wrote that in all caps and underlined it three times."
- "This is probably the best masturbation story I've ever read."
- "Flash mob trampoline-ing."
- "Socially incompetent god."
- "I want more smoke dragon."
- "It adds an element of bad dudeness."
- "It had a dream-like quality but that may be because I was dreaming as I read this."
- "Holy brainwashing computers, Batman!"
- "I want the doll to be more evil."
- "The doll could be a bit more 'Chucky gets lucky'."
- "I wanted to be more sad, I really just wanted to be near-suicidal at the end of this story."
- "Was [sic] she and Blaine bonking? I need to know these things."
Week Four
- "I have nothing much to say so I'm going to point out the jokes I liked."
- "I like BDB stories: Big Dumb Barbarians."
- Student A - "I just wrote 'awwww'."
Student B - "That's what I wrote."
- "Ditto, dittily, ditto."
- "A rail yard seems like a perfectly reasonable place to look for a train."
- "Yay. Talking heads stories! I love talking heads stories."
- "Great first line. Great last line. Um."
- "Give me an autopsy and my critical faculties just go out the window."
- "You made my cry at the end. I could have killed you."
- "There's lots of stuff that really work for me but the story."
- "I know they have a society but by the time I see them they are just big ducks."
- "I have my biases here; I just don't like swans."
- "I hate it when I read a word that makes me think back to primary school."
- "I read through it in a blaze of happy confusion."
- "As long as it was weird I was happy."
- "I think we should start with [student who was extremely sick with vomiting the day before] in case he takes a turn for the worse."
- " 'Montaro glared at me as he chewed through his tongue.' It seems to me he does this really casually."
- Student A - "Foxes are tricksy, sly--"
Student B - "Antiditto. Don't typecast foxes."
- "I like the frog-eating stuff."
- "She doesn't seem particularly old. She doesn't have sagging fox tits or anything."
- "It's 'packet-of-Tim-Tams writing'." [ie, very rich, perhaps too rich].
- "I really liked Gary and I wanted him to kill all his workmen."
- "I suspect I really am a humourless bitch."
- "I loved, ' "As you know," said Bob'."
- "A great 'stab' at horror." [to a story with many violent knife deaths].
Week Five
- "I thought I was on Mars for a second."
- "I never read poems in books cos they shit me to tears."
- "I could have enjoyed this story if I knew what the fuck was going on."
- "This was the perfect Clarion metaphor: six doors, isolation, painful transformation."
Week Six
- "At the last moment I decided to go dark and kill somebody cos I write horror and that's what I know."
- "Starting with the little stuff. I don't have any little stuff."
- "Steam is fuck off dangerous."
- "This is one of those stories where you can get Meiville on our arse."
- "Rebut. Why don't we call it the excuses section."
- "Space vampires versus space cannibals. It had to happen."
Before school -- name change
Just quickly. *grin*
I have a hell week again this week, so I daresay I'll be as tight lipped (ie, too busy to winge) as I was last week. :-)
However, since it seems the blogger profiles are buggered (mine's still putting my last post as November 4 last year!), and it hasn't moved my name change onto this page, I thought I'd mention. I'm divorced now (actually as of last Tuesday 8 March) so I've reverted to my maiden name, which is Gammage.
Edit: Ok, it seems re-publishing the blog, not just the profile, was required. I stand corrected. Sigh.
Also, Jon Cainer had some nice advice for Aries this week, and it was good enough to post, because I think it's excellent advice for
anyone:
Would you like to know how you can improve your relationship with someone else? Just improve your relationship with yourself! If you're feeling good about who you are and what you have to offer, others can't help but instinctively recognise and respond to this. And, if you're not? Then it's no use hoping that someone will sweep you up in their arms and take you under their wing. The bad news is, you have to fix things for yourself. The good news is - you can!I promised the Clarionites that I would post their quotes, and I haven't forgotten, guys. Will do by tomorrow.
Been a While
Just a short one before taking the kids to school.
My computer crashed, and the only one I had to use was my laptop, which I thought was dead but turned out not to be, but which can only connect to the 'net for about 5 minutes at a time before I get kicked off. So, except for a couple of posts on Lifeline, there was no 'net. It took me a while to get around to getting the comp fixed, because I spent 12 hours a day for a week getting the house cleaned up for sale (it sold to the first buyer). Once that was done, my kids started throwing up (no, the 2 things aren't related!). After a week of being up all night with small children holding bowls, I went down with it. Urgh. I lost 2 kilos in 3 days and my joints still ache, but I'm OK now.
So much has happened in the past weeks that I'm not sure where to start, so I probably won't. At least, not until later. Suffice to say, I'm going though some pretty intense stuff and I'm finding out who my real friends are. Which is a good thing. :-)
Call out to another friend who is going through a rough time at the moment. RS (you know who you are), hang in there. Love ya, mate. xxxxx
