The Ramblings of my Disorganised Mind

No, I'm not dead

2007-06-03T19:38:00.000+10:00

again.

A friend of mine lightly complained, well, ok, more like commented, that I hadn't blogged for a while (hi Scott. So, answer, then, or I'll never blog again :-P And I am going to say, you're one to talk, Mister-haven't-blogged-since-August).

'Tis true.

Well, 'tis sort of true. My online persona's been blogging a LOT.

Stories and stuff that I wouldn't want my grandmother to read. ;-)

Also been going through some... stuff. Not all bad stuff, but stuff, anyway.

Friends getting married, others getting engaged. Woo hoo! Yay, and congrats to all.

But anyway, I'm not dead. Feel free to drop me a line.

New Clarionite

2006-11-28T14:09:00.000+10:00

There are a few unreasonable bosses out there. *sigh*

Liz Adkins has, unfortunately, had to pull out of Clarion this time around, so Ben Maulbeck (USA) has consented to come along. Congratulations, Ben!

We're in the swing of finalising details for the 2007 Clarion South workshop: soon enough, I'll have a list of blogs of students who will be blogging their experience this time around.

Procrastination goddess

2006-11-26T21:08:00.000+10:00

thy name is Heather.

Back when I did EnVision in 2003, I stayed with Peter and Karin, who graciously put me up so that it was actually possible for me to go, amazing, wonderful couple that they are. During this time, Peter coined the phrase "goddess of professional procrastination."

He had good reason. I was supposed to be working on my ms and spent an hour filing up water bottles instead.

Must be back at it, 'cos I'm blogging a lot.

I am going to say in my defence that blogging is, in fact, writing. I edit as I go, even (bet you can't tell. Although, if I didn't all of my sentences would look like this: The quick brownm foc jumped oevr tah laszu dogs. Really).

So, in honour of my not being able to get any further on my book(s) right now and allowing my subconscious to boil while I concentrate on other things, may I present the "Which Tarot Card are you?" meme, link cadged from Lee Battersby's blog.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Erhm. Ok, then. Procrastination Empress?? Actually, there was a question that I vacillated on the questions, where I seriously had to toss a coin to choose. Do I like "creative pursuits" or "reading, literature and writing" more? Umm... writing is a creative pursuit so chose that one.

The alternative was:

You are The High Priestess

Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.

The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Whatever. These are silly things anyway.

Must go and mop the floor or something. Then I'll... uh... yeah. Work.

Oh, bollocks....

2006-11-26T16:02:00.000+10:00

Yeah, I know cricket season's only just started, but I'm already gosh-awful shyted with The Ashes, so thought I'd have a look at what The saints are doing in their pre-season.

You know, as you do, if you prefer AFL to cricket.

From saints.com.au:

Hamill Undergoes Arthroscope

As reported last week, St Kilda forward Aaron Hamill experienced some soreness in his right knee last week as the Saints commenced their pre-season training.

After further surgical opinion Aaron Hamill has undergone an arthroscope on his right knee for further assessment.

and

St Kilda has confirmed that star forward Aaron Hamill has undergone arthroscopic knee surgery.

The 29-year old experienced soreness in his right knee last week as the Saints commenced pre-season training and after seeking medical advice, opted for the procedure.

Hamill was restricted to just nine games for St. Kilda this year including the club's 18-point loss to Melbourne in the first week of the finals.

His 2006 season was punctuated by an arthroscopy which saw him miss 13 games after rupturing his posterior cruciate ligament against Geelong in round seven.

It has been a continuation of injury woes for Hamill who only played 12 games the previous year after suffering a similar leg injury.

Nerf, nerf, nerf, nerf, nerf. Sigh.

This team has to be the unluckiest team in human history when it comes to injuries (or, you could argue there's something wrong with their nutrition, physiotherapy or training regimes, but I'm not going to do that because I have no idea whether that's the problem).

Be afraid...

2006-11-26T06:40:00.000+10:00

as my wonderful friend would say...

Cainer has this to say yesterday a/m:

Cap: Your Weekend: In some countries there is no democracy. Despots and dictators dispose of all who oppose them. Courtrooms, if they exist at all, do not mete out justice. Biased judges hear fabricated evidence and make prejudiced decisions based on expedience. How far do you have to travel in order to enter such territory? Not far. Close your eyes. Look within. See the ruler of your inner kingdom. Must you quake before this cruel tyrant? No. Hold a revolution and install a benign government at long last.

A-hem. Yeah. Oooo-kay.

And for the record, Nic:

Cancer: Your Weekend: Let more water pass under the bridge. Let more traffic go through the tunnel. Let the big hand pass the little hand a few more times. I know how frustrating it must be to turn to your forecast seeking news of imminent liberation, merely to be told that you ought to wait. I am not, I promise, trying to fob you off with a platitude. Your astrological outlook is truly inspiring. Later this weekend there really will be something to celebrate. The cavalry is riding to your rescue as fast as possible.

Afraid, see.

Hang on, just need to put the horses away. I have to go and be revolting.

Editing Blues & Nostalgia

2006-11-24T15:51:00.000+10:00

I was gently but royally told off yesterday, and very rightly so, I should add, for being negative on myself, or rather, my writing.

I am a bit of a believer in the self-fulfilling prophecy. In that, if you believe you can't do something, well, duh, you won't do it. Having said that, I had a Heather moment the other day (for which I will blame the void & dark moon heading into Sagg) where I decided that my writing, once and for all, sucked. And voiced it on my YON group.

I am not a person who says "this is bad writing" when I don't believe it is (likewise, if I say to someone, "this is good", I am not blowing sunshine up your arse, I really mean it and believe it). I honestly looked at it and wondered what the hell I was doing.

I was not being fair on myself, and I know it (and knew it), but still. I had another look at the first 3 chapters of The Beth Book and noticed just about everything that was wrong with it, and honestly went into panic mode, mostly because I'm sending it off to an agent who's requested it soonish and, well, performance anxiety, I think.

Something new and different for me. Panic = Heather? Nope.

Something not new and different for me: decide what I'm doing is crap. Etc etc,. Blah blah blah. Nothing very different from what most writers have to deal with internally from time to time (and time to time to time).

I'm fortunate, though, to have a few people in my life (notably on the YON group lately) who will bring me up short when I do this (and let's face it, every time a writer screams "crap! I'm writing garbage!" it is an honest cry for help. And there's nothing wrong with that, actually. We all need support I think. Some of us *cough*me*cough* are just reluctant to ask for it).

But, as was pointed out to me, every time we say, "I am bad at this" we become a little more so. Quantum physics proves that our thoughts can have an affect (possibly minute but definitely measurable) on the people around us, so what more can a negative internal dialogue do to ourselves? Turns out I keep forgetting that, as we can have a negative self-fulfiller, we can also do the positive. I am very good at wishing good for others and seeing it happen, not so much when it comes to me.

I had Beth put it this way in the book: "I don't hope for stuff. I will either do something or I won't. That is all." That's pretty much where I stand, as well. either something will happen, or it won't. I had already decided, a long time ago, that this would happen. I have learned to ignore my internal voice, so I guess I've forgotten how powerful it can be. So, while I'm deciding that something will haoppen, my internals are botching it up.

I sometimes wonder where it's coming from, but the fear is definitely there (yes, Nic, and I'm actually feeling it this time, not just intellectualising it
:-P).

Why?

If it is bad, and it doesn't get published, then I improve my craft and try again, either with another edit of this book or another book. If it does get published and I earn a royalty from it, then who cares what "everyone" (except those who are actually publishing and/or buying the book) thinks?

And since when have I ever worried about whether something is possible or not? I am the person who, while everyone was telling me that it was stupid/impossible/dangerous to even contemplate having one VBAC, went on to have 5, and at home, too. I'd always been the person who just quietly did things while everyone was telling me that it couldn't be done.

What is so different this time? What is it I'm so afraid of? Why am I trying so hard to make excuses for myself, when I've already decided this will happen?

I forced myself to look very closely at this today rather than fobbing it off this time (I'm way too busy for self-aggrandisement, generally). I am very reluctant to "sell" myself (something every writer has to do). I think part of it is that I have been trained since toddlerhood not to be "arrogant" -- although this was more noticably drummed into me (literally) during my marriage by someone who didn't understand the difference between arrogance and self-belief. As a result, I think I have actually lost the ability to know whether I'm being arrogant or confident (although no trouble seeing the difference in other people). I am naturally very self critical, and my marriage made that tendancy stronger. The same tendency with the writing: I can see "good" or "needs improvement" in other people's stuff but have vast difficulties seeing the good in my own.

I thought I was past that. Obviously not. But, as Louise is fond of saying, writing is cheaper than a psychologist. It's all fodder for the grist. Material for the blog. Mill for the... whatever. I know what I mean.

Meanwhile, I've decided to try writing a couple of the next projects at once. It's the only way to do it right now. Too much happening in my head, and if I don't get it out, the top is likely to blow right off.

So I guess my next writer-development step is learning the difference between constructive self-editing and unrealistic expectation of ability: you know, learning to tell the difference between what is really bad and what is just a result of my own boredom or self-crit. Telling the difference, for me, is very difficult. Is this actually worthwhile or am I blowing sunshine up my own arse? Is this "bit of prose" actually very good or is this one of those times I need to cut due to author "look how clever I am" intrusion?

So, on other matters, there was a 20-year high school reunion a couple of weekends ago that I missed, unfortunately, despite plans to be there (long story best left unsaid). That's Yr 10, btw, not Yr 12. I regret it now, looks like it was a lot of fun. If you stumble onto this blog, feel free to drop me a line: bethgael AT mail2rose dot com

So, now I'm off to write. And to chastise the sneaky little voices that keep loudly proclaiming that I need to get over myself and do something more sensible-like. And to encorage that still, small voice that has already travelled forward in time and seen what I know will happen.

So, November

2006-11-14T07:56:00.000+10:00

I wrote the wrong date on a bank withdrawal slip the other day.

The day was correct, but I wrote the "8" instead of the "11" for November.

Of course, that would be August, wouldn't it. Which is about where I am with the year. 3 months behind. Good grief.

Funnily enough, the teller didn't notice either. Guess she's in the same boat as I.

Busy. My daughter has/ has had a plethora of choir-related commitments (she's in 2, the National one and a school one) and my # 3 son is graduating Yr 7 (end of primary school, for those southerly). Drama plays coming up, too, for #'s 1 & 5. And the regular cricket games continue, too.

I am also supposed to be in Christmas head, and plan-for-next-schoolyear head. That's a bit rude, I think, considering I haven't finished with this year yet *grin*

So far, I have been Very bad, and have not continued with the Next Book. I have a feeling that if I don't start on it soon, I will get into the same slumpy hiatus from last time. I have gone back to the gym, though: almost as painful a return as returning to writing was after a break. Apparently, I'm very co-ordinated, however. :-D

It's almost enough to make me want to sit and watch Buffy DVDs all day.

Or Xena, perhaps.

hehe. Almost.

I once read a writing book where the author commented that having too much freedom could be inhibiting. She was talking about the concept of having a teacher set a writing exercise that was something along the lines of "write whatever you like," and how hard it as to get started from that; how it's easier if someone says something like (this is my example not hers): "imagine a pond. There is a small gnome sitting on one bank, and a fuglehorn on the other. The pond has some mysterious ripples on it. What happens next?"

In my case, I've found the freedom to write inhibiting. I have too many ideas and no time, and settling down to "just one" is proving to be stifling to the point where I freeze and do nothing. That won't last, of course.

So, my plan is to do something that's usually anathema to me, writing-wise: plan. Take each begun project and get it planned out a bit, for story arcs, etc. The one that hums me the most, I'll begin. All going well. The only other alternative is to try to write them all at once, but that usually ends up with my head in "blue screen of death" mode after a while. It'd be OK if they were short stories but sustaining 5 novels at once is not something I've tried.

I can imagine the result, though. Can you say, "lunatic?"

No lurking allowed.... ;-)

2006-11-09T16:26:00.000+10:00

Say Hi. You know who you are... :-P

OK, it's been a while since I've had a meme, so here we go:

The Greek Mythology Personality Test (do I really want to know?? You know, 'cos these things are just, like, so accurate, babe).

The Oracle
33% Extroversion, 100% Intuition, 44% Emotiveness, 57% Perceptiveness

Heuristic, detached, and analytical to a fualt, you are most like The Oracle. You are able to tackle any subject with a fine toothed comb, and you possess an ability to pinpoint nuances and shades of meaning that other people do not have and cannot understand. Accomplishment and realization of ideas are, for you, secondary to the rigorous exploration of ideas and questions -- you are, first and foremost, a theorist. You hate authority, convention, tradition, and under no circumstances do you accept a leadership role (although, you will gladly advise leadership when they're going astray, whether they want you to or not). Abstraction and generalities are your interests, details and particulars are usually inconsequential and uninteresting. You excel at language, mathematics and philosophy.

You are typically easy-going and non-confrontational until someone violates one of the very few principles that you deem sacred, at which point you can fly into a rage. Although you possess a much greater understanding of process and systems than the people around you, you are always conscious of the possibility that you've missed something or made a mistake. You don't tend to become attached to particular theories, and will immediately discard mistaken notions once they're revealed to be incorrect (but you don't tolerate iconoclasts who try to discredit validated theories through the use of fallacies and bad data). Despite being outwardly humble, you probably think of yourself as being smarter than most other people. That's because you are. In fact, in your dealings with people your understanding of their motives is so expansive that you know what they're going to say before they say it, and in world affairs, you usually know what is going to take place before it actually does. This ability would make you unbeatable in debates if only you were a little less pensive about your own conclusions, and a little more outgoing.

Famous people like you: Albert Einstein, Charles Darwin, Adam Smith, Thomas Jefferson, John McWhorter, Ramanujan, Marie Curie, Kurt Godel
Stay clear of: Apollo, Icarus, Hermes, Aphrodite
Seek out: Atlas, Prometheus, Daedalus

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion

You scored higher than 99% on Intuition

You scored higher than 99% on Emotiveness

You scored higher than 99% on Perceptiveness

Link: The Greek Mythology Personality Test written by Aleph_Nine on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Yeah. Whatever...

My favourite question:

7. Odysseus gives you a nice big wooden horse as a peace offering because you're totally kicking his ass. You:

Think that's awesome. Best respect. Kiss da ice.
Immediately suspect something.

I mean, duh.

But why, oh why, would he give me a wooden horse for kicking his donkey? I dunna geddit, folks. :-P I mean, forget the horse, just call me Penelope Bean (sorry, random in-joke).

There's an excellent ad for a congestion mediaction atm that plays on the Greek Horse. It's funny. "Yeah. *sniff* Just pulld the thing in and I'll deal with it in the morningk."

It is finished

2006-11-06T00:08:00.000+10:00

Yay.

Now, onto Book # 2.

Why are you not /writing/, woman?

2006-10-30T16:47:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Evanescence The Open Door.

I am so very close to the end of this novel I can taste it. And, suddenly, I'm all locked up. I only have to write ONE blasted chapter (the rest that are left are edits).

In... teresting.

Nicky!? You'd know what's going on.

Yeah, I know

2006-10-26T19:46:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Evanescence The Open Door, Dead Can Dance Into The Labyrinth, Puccini Madam Butterfly. Yah, I have my CD player fully loaded and set to "shuffle". The effect is... interesting.

I've been a bit conspicuous by my absence lately.

But there's a good reason (really, ma, there is). I have almost finished The Book. Yes, that book. The one with the elves, and the unicorns and the shoemakers and the.... wait. There are no shoemakers. Oh, there probably are, I suppose, given that no world would be bereft of shoemakers if there are, in fact, shoes.

What's it about, you say?

Well, I, uh, dunno.

No, I do. Really. But I was just asked that by one of my son's teachers and I found myself making lame excuses about how I'd need to work on that blurb, and he'd be the first to know when I actually manage to boil down 150,000 word into a single sentence.

Or a synopsis, for that matter.

Meanwhile, the year is almost up. I have a penchant for stating the obvious. Er, where did it go, exactly? And am I going to be saying this every end of October from now until my kids are saying it to me, too? (The answer to that question is probably yes. It runs in the family). At least this year, I will not be seeing in the new year with another "really wish I'd finished that damned book". Yay!

So, as I ring in cricket season, end-of-year concerts and plays, a graduation from primary school for # 3, and preschool for # 6, and realise that this time next year # 1 son will be allowed to DRIVE an actual car (yikes)... what was I saying? I don't remember. I guess it's the senior moments, coming upon me. hehehe.

There has been one change to the Clarion South lineup: unfortunately, Angela Slatter will be unable to attend and Helen Venn (WA) has kindly consented to come along instead.

Should be fun. :-D

See some of you at the shindig on Saturday.

Clarion South Participants, 2007

2006-10-03T08:30:00.000+10:00

I can finally announce the participants for the 2007 Clarion South workshop!

Alessio Besciani (VIC)
Angela Slatter (QLD)
Jason Stokes (ACT)
Chris Green (VIC)
Chris Lynch (QLD)
Daniel Braum (USA)
Elizabeth Adkins (VIC)
Jason Fischer (SA)
Jess Irwin (NSW)
Jessica Vivien (WA)
Laura Goodin (NSW)
Lyn Battersby (WA)
Melaina Faranda (NSW)
Michael Greenhut (USA)
Michele Cashmore (QLD)
Peter Ball (QLD)
Richard Pitchforth (QLD)

Well done, everyone.

Book meme

2006-09-15T12:04:00.000+10:00

Cadged from Liz's blog. Like her, I won't tag, except for Tessa. :-P

1. One book that changed your life?

A non-fic book: "Born In Blood" by John J. Robinson, closely followed by, believe it or not, the Trixie Belden and Faraway Tree books I read as a kid. These books pretty well opened my ideas as a writer and established my love of the written word and the genres I feel comfortable in.

2. One book you have read more than once?

I read everything more than once if I like it.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?

Anything but Harry Potter and LOTR. I guess a book on surviving a desert island would be the most practical, but if I'm supposed to pick entertainment, then anything by Michael Wood.

4. One book that made you cry?

The aforementioned "Born In Blood." Some of the descriptions of the medieval torture applied to arrested Templars in 1307 France made me sick and sad. Also, the book, "The Broken Years," by my uncle, Bill Gammage. Not a family plug, really. Some of the diary entries he included as a part of his study by WW1 diggers were heart-renching.

5. One book that made you laugh?

A few books have made me giggle but unfortunately I can't think of any of them right now.

6. One book you wish had been written?

Mine!!!! Grr.

7. One book you wish had never been written?

The Holy Blood and the Holy Grail and it's fictitious cousin, The Da Vinci Code. Honestly, what shyte.

8. One book you are currently reading?

I always have a few going at a time, but the last one I picked up was "In Search of the Dark Ages," by Michael Wood.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?

I have a pile of books next to my bed I am meaning to read. Random title: "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova.

10. Now tag five people…

Nah.

September, September

2006-09-15T10:46:00.000+10:00

Forget the Ides of March, let's reset to September.

Sorry, don't mean to complain, but I've picked up a milder version of the lurgie my kids have had, on and off, for the last 2 weeks. I think I have been lucky to avoid it up until now. Yesterday afternoon was the headache and fever. Today is "stomach cramp" day. Hoi vey. You know that cramp you get in your stomach when you're not sure if it's actually your tummy, your chest or your back, but it doesn't matter because they all hurt? It's that one. Leg cramps too. And I have a mild version, I think. My poor, poor childruns.

The good news is that it seems to be a lurgie that goes through you fairly quickly, although you have to watch for the "I feel great!" relapses if my kids are anything to go by. And the only thing that helps is sleep. Sleep is nice. Like sleep.

Anyone who's read the blog for a while (as in, since its inception), will know that I have some minor issues with September. I thought that was behind me, frankly, but what a month September 2006 has been, eh. Can't help but feel for some prominant families right now, although I am not a "fan" of any of the above icons so I haven't taken it personally, and I am not going to write more on the issue as many more people better and more knowlegable than I have written the obituaries.

September 2006.

Kiddies all ill at one point or other. This is usually a June/July thing in my family. Weird.

Death of Steve Irwin
Death of Colin Thiele
Death of Peter Brock

in the same week, eh. As Lee Battersby said so succinctly on his blog, if I were an Australian icon, I'd be ducking for cover right now.

Mind you, they say these things happen in threes, so Jack Thompson and Brian Henderson are probably safe, for now.

Fifth Anniversary of Sept 11 and the disapperance of my former friend Tricia Riggs, with no definitive clues as to her whereabouts, still, although at least police have now admitted they belive her dead on their rewards page. If you have come to this page as the result of a google search or something and have any information, for pity's sake let the police know, just for her family's sake. Oh, and if you're the perp., same thing. As if it's not bad enough that you took a mother away from her four kids, you have to let her family wonder too? Gods alive, what sort of an animal are you, anyways?

Saints knocked out of AFL finals (and the sacking of Grant Thomas as coach. My god. What are the board thinking???)

Good Things:

Brother's birthday.
Eldest son's 16th birthday (is that a Good Thing? Birthday, yes, 16... uh.... not sure. It's weird, is what it is).
Rain.
Some breakthroughs on the novel/s.
Fourth season of Northern Exposure released on DVD. Yeah, yay :-D

Oh, and I'll have a list of our successful 2007 Clarionites up soonish.

My daughter was in the Yr 4/5 Reader's Cup yesterday, and her team came 2nd by a very narrow margin (fortunately in the am so I got to watch before the fever hit). I have to say I'm very impressed with the Primary School she attends. It's a small school, especially for inner north Brisbane, so it's quite friendly; good teachers. I like it.

Writing-wise, I've been trying to get it all done, but am finding the whole adage, "what can interrupt, will" quite true, August and so far this September. I'm just going with it; there's no point at all angsting over the fact that I could be writing instead of, say, staying up with an ill 5 yo. I mean, the priority is clear. This means that when I do write, I'm not worrying about what I haven't done, but am concentrating on what I can do. It's a good way to be, I think, if the reasons for a non-writing state are valid (ie, sick kids) and not just another form of procrastination (eg, deciding to spring clean the house and then getting the writing done, and then procrastinating on the spring cleaning by hand-weeding bindiis out of the grass first -- true story), of course.

Hence the non-blogging lately. I have been using that time to write instead.

Well, back to it.

Snakes on a Plane

2006-08-21T08:21:00.000+10:00

The star of this movie is, of course, Samuel L Jackson, not Laurence Fishburn. Chalk my brain up for the same thing that made me call James Marsters "Marsden" and Serenity, Serendipity. Disorganised, see? (I do actually have an IQ. I just fail to use it most days).

Of course, that's now two otherwise great actors with career-ending movies, but that's another story.

Advertising this movie on TV now. Like, it's something to be proud of with the CGI snakes that look like they were created in the 80s and cut and pasted into the film using 90s technology. Sheesh.

I just don't know what they were thinking. Imagine the pitch.

"Great idea for a film. Anaconda meets Executive Decision."

Because we all know how well those movies did.

Line:

Samuel L to unknown fellow on phone in urgent and ominous voice: "You know all of those safety scenarios we ran? Well, here's one we didn't think of."

Uh-huh. Because who's going to actually think that a bazillion snakes are going to storm a plane?

"Hey, Bob, let's run this scenario, just in case."

"Jim, are you actually insane?"

"Bob, I have a very strong feeling it's going to be needed."

"Gods alive. Here we go with the 'I'm psychic' bullcrap again. Honestly, Jim..."

Guess Bob is laughing on the other side of his face now, huh.

Holy frijoles.

Tuesday Night Hoax: Mars Huge 'Round About Nowish

2006-08-15T21:06:00.000+10:00

So.

I have received several different versions of the "Mars is going to be as big as the moon this month" email recently. Like some others, I get a bit annoyed at receiving emails that are proponents of this or that (sometimes with large picture files attached that eat up my broadband MB allowance or clog up the dial-up user's downloading of their emails), especially ones that are obvious hoaxes.

Especially when it is so easy to check the sources before sending them on, on sites such as snopes.com (a site I will be checking all emails with, along with another reliable source if I can find one).

I'm not talking about funnies here (whether accurate or not - the Washington Post Mensa Competition falls under this one), or emails of the "crazy cats dance" persuasion, but the "Coke will melt a tooth overnight" types of emails that are designed to alarm, lovely "my angel protected me stories" designed as morality tales to convert you to [insert religion here], or emails that deliberately misinform.

So, Tuesday night is now "post a hoax" night.

I am going to start with the aforementioned Mars email.

The email states:

The Red Planet is about to be spectacular!

This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the Last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years before it happens again.

The encounter will culminate on August 27th 2006 when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. It will attain a magnitude of -2.9 and will appear 25.11 arc seconds wide.

And so on.

Snopes says:

Origins: The piece quoted above is another example of an item that was once true but is now being circulated again, long after the events it describes have come to pass. This article was relevant back in 2003, but it is not applicable now, three years later."

Further information on this email can be found on the NASA site:

July 7, 2005: Just when you thought it was safe to read your email....

There's a rumor about Mars going around the internet. Here are some snippets from a widely-circulated email message:

"The Red Planet is about to be spectacular."

"Earth is catching up with Mars [for] the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history."

"On August 27th … Mars will look as large as the full moon."

And finally, "NO ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE THIS AGAIN."

Only the first sentence is true. The Red Planet is about to be spectacular. The rest is a hoax.

Here are the facts: Earth and Mars are converging for a close encounter this year [2005] on October 30th at 0319 Universal Time. Distance: 69 million kilometers. To the unaided eye, Mars will look like a bright red star, a pinprick of light, certainly not as wide as the full Moon.

Disappointed? Don't be. If Mars did come close enough to rival the Moon, its gravity would alter Earth's orbit and raise terrible tides.

Sixty-nine million km is good. At that distance, Mars shines brighter than anything else in the sky except the Sun, the Moon and Venus. The visual magnitude of Mars on Oct. 30, 2005, will be -2.3. Even inattentive sky watchers will notice it, rising at sundown and soaring overhead at midnight.

You might remember another encounter with Mars, about two years ago, on August 27, 2003. That was the closest in recorded history, by a whisker, and millions of people watched as the distance between Mars and Earth shrunk to 56 million km. This October's encounter, at 69 million km, is similar. To casual observers, Mars will seem about as bright and beautiful in 2005 as it was in 2003.

Although closest approach is still months away, Mars is already conspicuous in the early morning. Before the sun comes up, it's the brightest object in the eastern sky, really eye-catching. If you have a telescope, even a small one, point it at Mars. You can see the bright icy South Polar Cap and strange dark markings on the planet's surface.

For the record, I did check out Mars last October, and it was very pretty. So please stop telling me about it. And, anyone who missed it in August 2003, don't be too upset. There'll be another of similar magnitude in about 13 years or so.

Do you have a consistent hoax email that is giving you the irrates by popping into your inbox every 5 minutes? Comment and I'll use it next Tuesday.

Thanks to snopes.com and NASA for keeping us informed.

It should be noted that some of the emails that bounce around the internet are true, but not very many. If I don't find an irritating hoax email, I'll report on one that is, in fact, the truth as far as can be ascertained.

In Other Important News

2006-08-15T08:37:00.000+10:00

Both the Saints and the Eels are fourth on their respective ladders.

All is good with the world.

The weekend

2006-08-14T08:11:00.000+10:00

This weekend, I had a busy one.

Friday night was spent in a marathon session trying to decide who would get into the 2007 Clarion South Writer's workshop. We were very pleased with the number and standard of entries this year, but it did make decisions very, very difficult. Saturday morning, we spent time allocating funding. I will post a list once the successful, and more importantly, the unsuccessful applicants have been informed and confirmed.

Saturday night, I took my older boys (teenagers both) to see Miami Vice. I think I shall say, for the record, that I am not a huge Colin Farrel fan. I am a fan of the original series (but not so much that I've bought the DVDs unlike, say, the A-Team). This movie didn't have a start, so to speak, (no opening credits), which was fine in itself but meant for the first half-hour, I was slightly distracted becuase I kept waiting for them. That past, though, it ended up being a fairly mediocre movie with not too much wrong but not too much right, either. Certainly, it was more gritty than the series ever was, which I guess was the point, but some of the comeraderie aspect was missing between the two main characters as a result.

The cinematography style became tiring after a while.

All in all, not a complete waste of time, but I would have preferred to watch The Lake House for a second time.

Had a moment of true amusement during the credits though. A new movie, coming soooon!... ta-da Snakes on a Plane. And it's not a farce. It's a serious movie. Oh. My. Great. Aunt. Laura. What were The Powers That Be thinking when they gave the go-ahead for this? And not as a "made specially only for DVD movie", at that? A definite career-ender for Laurence Fishburn (like the third Matrix wasn't, but that's another post). This movie will be right up there with Attack of the Killer Tomatoes -- without the funny.

Sunday I went to see my mum and her hubby up on the Sunshine Coast with said teenagers. That was great, because I haven't seen them for about 6 months due to varying flus, etc.

So, busy.

Book update: I haven't written anything specifically for the book's text, as yet, however, I have spent a lot of time printing out and re-organising everything that I had done so far so I could do the required homework tasks and get everythign clear in my head once more. And there is a lot of it. I didn't realise how much, even after I'd amalgamated some files. I did about a million words before I even started, I think. Good news is, I found some plot point ideas I'd forgotten about - and they may even work.

I also spent some time doing some reading and note-taking for Project # 2.

Last week was a bit of a write-off, time-wise, though. Tuesday I spent the day at #3's sports - he represented his school trying out for the districts so I was the mum doing some driving back and forth for that. Wednesday I had the preschool excursion; Thursday a meeting and an excursion for #3's class.

This week I should have more time, despite the public holiday on Wednesday (and therefore all kids home) and the pupil-free on Thursday (and therefore... you get the drift).

Today, I have no kids because the ex's public holiday is today not Wednesday so he has the day off and therefore the youngest for the day. And #1 son has work experience. So, unexpected writing time, so I shall go and do that now. As soon as I've done the vacuuming. And I should phone Nicky. :-)

Then I'll write.

So, what's been happening?

2006-08-07T08:26:00.000+10:00

That is both a rhetorical question and a literal one. As in, literally, I would love to hear how things have been going for everyone who reads here (feel free to post comments), and rhetorically, because it's a title for the post of "what's been happening here" with me, thanks to those who've asked.

Let's see. Nothing terribly exciting with me in particular, but my kids are doing well.

I've had the flu, again, of course, and Conjure, the NatCon here in Brisbane at Easter, went very well. In fact, I think the worst complaint that came back to me was "too well organised". I can live with that. Certainly, the crew that worked on the convention happen to be a group that work particularly well together, even with any personality quirks and complaints, etc., we work it out and get on with it. Good bunch.

120 hours of stuff in 10 days in the time leading up to the con, though. I look back on it and go, "how??" Also didn't have a lot of time at the con itself, to catch up with friends, etc. In fact, apart from dinner on Friday (thanks Gillian!) and a sit-down on Saturday night when I was feeling harrassed anyways so wasn't great company (sorry Keith), I literally didn't stop until the masqu. on Sunday night, and even then, only after the belly dancers left. Then it was back to it on Monday *grin* This is not a complaint, of course, that's the way it is and I didn't mind.

So, most of the time, the only chance I had to talk to anyone was if they were volunteering with me or I was doing something for them, so sorry to anyone I didn't have a chance to talk to. Poor Sean had an awful neck that weekend; he was full of apologies but I don't think he had anything to apologise for!

Kate, Rob, Rob and I also managed to win a Ditmar Award for "Best Professional Achievement" for Clarion South 2005. That was nice. Thanks to all who voted. :-)

Which brings me to Clarion South... January 2007. Applications closed at the end of June, of course, so I've been busy (I'm apps director, for anyone who doesn't know). The good news for anyone who's waiting is that we should have our decisions made by next week, so expect an announcement from me soonish, depending on how quickly the successful applicants get back to us (we have them confirm before publicising the list).

My mum's hubby hadn't been well, either, but is much better now, thank goodness.

My eldest son will turn 16 in September and has left school. He is doing a worklink programme instead (combination of yr 10/TAFE/work experiance and job education) and is happy with that. #6 turns 5 on Friday! #5 joined the school's marching band and #4 got straight A's on her report and is going strongly with her choir. #3 has imprioved at school, #2, er, hasn't, but we're working on it.

On the writing front, I made the decision late last year not to take on extra studies this year. At the time, it was because #6 child was going into pre-school and I had no idea what his schedule would be like, but I'm awfuly glad now, given the work that was Conjure - at about the time sem 1 university finals would have been held/assignments due! Hoi!

So, I decided that once Conjure was over, I would reduce the amount of stuff I'm doing in the Arts Industry itself and use the second half of the year to actually write. I believe that this involvement is actually one of my procrastination strategies - I'm literally too busy to write. So, I decided not to take on the presidency of Fantastic Queensland (presuming I would have been elected at the EGM, that is), or actually run for any committee offices at all (it helped that the EGM happened at a time I was particularly stressed out and ill, so when D called me and said, "well?", I said, "only if no-one else is available, but rather not." Someone else was - hi Ben! - so all is good. Ben Perrett should do a great job).

So, now that Clarion South apps are about done, I have no Arts Admin to do until the workshop in January. Of course, there's still running the kids around to everything, but that's unavoidable and I don't mind that.

Anyhooo... in order to kick-start me back on the BethDane project, I joined the QWC (Queensland Writer's Centre) and their "Express year of the Novel" with Louise Cusack. I've worked with Louise before at EnVision, although not on this project. I'm finding it very helpful: I'm crystallising elements of the plot that had been irking me and also am finding the love of the project again. Also, I am in the position where I have deadlines to work to - and I find that I work much better with deadlines.

Louise also did a very good mini exercise yesterday where we listed why we write, which gave me furiously to think, because I've been wondering that myself lately, as in, I really had no idea, because I didn't kinda "love" it any more, but I still think it's what I'm "supposed" to be doing.

In my case, I've always written. I've always read books, and from the time I could consider writing stories, I used to write. When I was littler, one of my favourite series of books was the Trixie Belden books (girl detective). I used to write my own girl-detective-with-a-group-of-friends in exercise books. My #2 son does the ame thing now, but with fantasy stories. I recognised the signs right away. Thing is, come Hell or high water, that's what I do. It's all I know; that I must write. And neither #2 son or I will ever be truly happy unless we're writing at some level. Publication is not as important to me... but it'd be nice (and I can't help but wonder if there isn't that "fear of success" thing happening but we addressed that subject yesterday, too).

Louise made a good point, too: not everyone can write. Not everyone has "voices in their head" and a need to write. People who do are the type of people who write, just as some people are talented at music and others at mathematics, and still others at athletics. Yet, while no-one would think twice about people who pursue maths or athletics or music as being talented in that area and feeling OK to say "I am in that club", writers tend to apologise a bit for their special talent and try to downplay it.

She's right, of course. So I'll stop doing that.

The other thing I realised is that I'd been "writing as a challenge" for so long that, now that this challenge is gone, I stopped writing because I'd been focussing incorrectly. What I mean is: for so long, I'd been writing to "prove" to a certain ex-husband that I could do it; that I wasn't wasting my time and it wasn't "just a hobby".

Thing is, at one point, the ex stopped being able to press my buttons and I no longer cared what he thought as a consequence. I still don't. This is healthy.
Unfortunately, because I'd been writing out of escapism and revenge (for lack of a better word) for so long, I'd lost my original love of it, and along with it, my ability to actually get a story from my head seamlessly, without losing interest in a project very quickly. For the last 2 years, I've been writing on and off because I thought I had to, you know, so many people had helped me with projects, I'd been saying that's what I did and I'm not a liar, sense of obligation, etc., etc., etc. Now, I'm finding that love and excitement again.... back to who I was before the damage was done. Yay.

:-)

We also went into the concept of a "scene". What is a scene, as opposed to a chapter or a narrative summary?

It works like this:

A scene:

1. Takes place in real time
2. Has a setting
3. Contains dialogue and/or action
4. Moves the story forward

"Moves the story forward" means that it creates a meaningful change in the character, either positively or negatively expressed. If your character and story are in exactly the same place as they were when the scene started, then it isn't useful for the book. Scenes can be any length, and may also be cut in the middle (as, say the end of a chapter - a "cliffhanger").

An example of "meaningful change" could be a change in circumstances, attitude or character, in a way that either creates a move forward or a setback for the story or character.

Scenes are important for characterisation.

Narrative summary:

lets the reader know what happened without dragging the reader through all of the details when:
1. nothing all that important is happening, ie "he ate breakfast" rather than, "he walked down the stairs, took the cereal out of the cupboard, put it on the table, went to sit then realised he'd forgotten the milk..." etc.
2. when you're repeating something done before, ie you may describe the first time your wizard castys a spell but it'd get boriong if you did that every time... or you may describe that first important kiss, but "he kissed her goodbye" is probably all you need after that.

"Flashbacks" can be scenic or summary-ic (hehe) but are, according to Donald Maass, deadly to a "breakout novel." (Read his book "Writing the Breakout Novel" to see why).

Create tension by: resisiting the urge to explain (fortunately, I can resist the urge to explain but often create confusion instead! Will work on that).

Use setting in an emotional context to evoke a mood. (This was explained in the same way Louise explained "atmosophere" to me a couple of years ago).

Louise also gave us an anatomy of a plot structure (a certain someone can pay attention to this and you know who you are... how was the move, btw? :-P).

This is Louise's work, btw, not my summary:

Beginning (about 25% of the book):

Introduce characters .... main chars
Critical moment .... introduce the conflict [the end of the beginning].

Middle (the middle 50% or so):

Rising Tension .... external and internal conflicts stir things up
Point of no return .... main char takes life-altering action, nothig is the same.
Crisis (climax) ....... te main char's goal appears unachieveable [the beginning of the end]

End (25% although this can be ver flexible, ie the crisis and the end often happen right on top of each other):
Resolution/denoument........ goal is achieved or lost and the aftermath

All very helpful in crystallising my book. :-)

In a series, like mine is, of course, you have a double structure going: the structure for each book (even in a run-on series, each book should have a single line that is resolved by the end of it), and the structure for the overall series.

Keeping track of them both is fun, especially since I don't really know what's happening with book 4 (the last one) yet. Exactly. I have a fair idea of where it's going though. In fact, I can't see how it can be different, although I have an "everyone's happy" ending and a "goal reached but at a price" ending which I think is less of a cop-out but may be more what the genre this book is in would be prepared to bear. We'll see.

The good news is that I already did some of this unconsciously but the trick is to do it all consciously so you're aware of what you do when you write. Without conscious awareness and acknowlegment of what you're bad at, and yes, what you're good at, too, then you can't grow or improve.

And that improve thing is kinda the point, really. Especially in my case: I'm coming into this project with it completely cold and am horrified at how awful it is!

Anyways, I have promised my "table group" at EYON that I will keep them updated on the project I'm working on so I'll post them here rather than bothering the whole group with my ramble *grin* You guys should feel free to use my comments section to do the same if you want to. :-D

This month, the homework is:

1. Split up the scene list we did for last month's homework into the sections, "beginning", "middle" and "end."
2. 2 posts to the Yahoo list.
3. Design a calendar of events.

I get to cheat a bit on the last one as I did one long before I started writing the current project, back when my name was still "Gent" and I was writing Age of Wonders fan fic Hehe. Mind you, many things have changed in the writing of it so I'll have to overhaul it (like I did my scenes list, gods that was a long process).

I have also set the following goals (this is for the fellow students to check up on me for *grin*):

1. Finish all the unfinished added/summarised stuff, in vomit-style. About 6 chapters, all up.
2. Rearrange the plot as I'd written yesterday and rewrite chapters as per notes from yesterday (about 2 chapters).
3. Start rewrite.

I am not too much of a hurry to do point 3, as 1 & 2 will probably bring up extra chapters to cut, etc. But I'm also in the process of making 1 book into 2 books while keeping the current end as the end of book one. If that makes sense.

I won't be able to do the redone scene list if I don't do 1 & 2 though. Having said that, if I manage to get to # 3, then I will also get my 10 pages to Louise in September. I should.

Believe it or not, I also have another project I want to finish: I have an agent who wants to see it. So I have a bit of a dilemma. I can work on both, I may time-table it. I will get the first draft of the timeslip project done first, then go back to this one. It's only about 80,000 words, so that'll work. I hope.

I am committed to 2 four-hour blocks of time on Thursdays and Fridays when I don't have anything else on, plus Wednesdays that #6 is at preschool. The only thing I will "allow" to be on is stuff pertaining to the kids. eg, this week, I have to take #3 on an excursion on Thursday but I will still have an hour before that. This week, the Wednesday is a write-off as the pre-school has an excursion and needs an adult:child ratio of 1:2. Friday is good though, and I have some time today & tonight as well.

I let you guys know how it's going as I go.

I just spent

2006-08-05T09:34:00.000+10:00

a bit of time reading over the last couple of years of my blog.

Good god, woman.

That is all.

Bananas, again

2006-08-04T18:32:00.000+10:00

Which is more important to you and why: flexibility or expandability?

Bananas.

Yeah. Still works.

Oh. Check out this post to see what I mean.

There are a few others on the subject, too, if you feel like looking at the October 2004 Archive.

Not suggested. I was a bit of a loon back then.

Yeah. Some things never change. Ha ha. I heard that. :-P

Bananas are very expensive right now, for those of you o/s who don't know. Try between $11 and $20 a kilo. Nature's fault; the cyclones up north last summer took out all of the banana plantations.

My local grocer calls them "diamonds."

So.

2006-08-03T16:07:00.000+10:00

Wassssup???

I've been out of commission for a while. And a lot has happened since I was here last. So, I'm not going to bore anyone with the details. Instead, I am going to gradually re-insinuate my way back onto my own blog.

I'm also going to start writing the Siobhan Ellis blog, too. I've been waiting until I've had time to do something nice to the blogspot pro-forma, you know, html-wise, but I haven't had the time and I've pretty well decided not to make any more excuses for myself.

For any reason.

So, hi. :-)

And, for anyone who yet again thought I was dead, here is my obituary.

The link was snurched from this blog: http://thebedandbreakfastman.blogs.com/ . I stumbled onto this one fairly recently: turns out the writer is an old-friend-of-an-old-friend. Don't ask. But drop by and have a look. This fellow Australian is a funny bloke. And *only* 37, too... sorry, anyone who can make random uses of Monty Python is OK in my book. I can't yet. I'm only 35. But then, no-one expects the spanish Inquisition.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Anyone who knows me from the old LifeLine will find that terribly amusing, I'm sure.

Beltane

2006-05-01T08:42:00.000+10:00

Happy May Day to those who celebrate it.

May Day, of course, roughly corresponds to the pagan Beltane celebrations in the Northern Hemisphere, and many Australians do the Beltane-y thing too, as a nod to the European past most of us associate with. Mind you, it's supposed to be a seasonal celebration (coming into spring) as well as a spiritual one, so I don't.

This is not because of the pedantic thing (Nicky :-P) but because of how associated with the seasons my rhythms have been all of my life. If you're a long-time reader of my blog, you may recall this post where I outlined my tendency to drive my mother mad by celebrating the beginning of Spring by running through a sprinkler, come rain, hail, shine, sleet or frost in Canberra! (Hoi. I just read that post. I was a depressed nutoid back then, what).

Seasons have always been more important to me than dates. I'm still a little out of whack that way up here, with the no "four seasons" thing. It's not bad, but it's interesting. I get to avoid the winter downies, mostly, although that tends to be affected by the length of the daylight more than the cold. I actually don't mind the cold. I like the snuggle under the doona thing and I also like the way it feels on your face when the frigid air hits it and you get instant numb-nose.

I do tend to make May Day and Spring "resolutions" (if you can call them that. They're more like assessments) instead of New Years, because it's a season thing not a date thing for me. New Year's, down here, is smack-bang in the middle of summer and associates with Christmas/Yule/Hannukah etc., and is just too busy to quiet my head enough to decide what it is I actually want to do with the next year of my life (other than the stand-bys "lose weight" and "finish novel". And I usually don't resolve those, because it may not be the right time to do either yet, for all I know). And I like using 6-month intervals because I'm a believer in flexibility. This year May Day manages to be at the beginning of a week, after a new moon, too, so it's nicely wrapped up.

"Beltane", as it so happens, is the 2nd novel in my series of 4 I've been writing based on the greater (seasonal) Sabbats, "Imbolc", "Beltane", "Lughnasa" and "Samhain". I posted the first draft chapter of "Imbolc" here a while back, as I started it during a NaNoWriMo. It has changed a little bit, as first drafts by their very nature tend to suck small cow eggs, but not a lot, surprisingly. These novels are a bit of a divergence for me: contemporary dark fantasy (with, I hope, a bit of the spooky about them), stand alones but linked in theme and purpose. These, I will finish soon, as there's been a little bit of interest in them from people who can actually help get them published. We'll see. I feel quite good about them; I'm not sure why. Part of it would be that I had ready-made titles for them (which anyone who knows me knows is an abject miracle: if I have a title for a book then it's a "supposed" to be written one: I suck at titles), but also that the ideas (and the drafts) came very easily. Whcih makes me suspicious, of course.

Then again, it could be that a publishing editor heard the first chapter of Imbolc being read and demanded that I send him the rest when they were all done. I hope he doesn't change his mind. :-
One thing about my May Day & Spring Resolutions is that they tend to be very personal in nature, so I don't share them around. But the finishing of this series is definitely on the agenda, now that Conjure is done with and I have some time to kill (hahahaha! Did I really say that with a straight face??)

I wouldn't mind some encouragement (read: nagging) from anyone who feels like it on this. I know I'm supposed to be self-motivated, but I really don't think I'm going to allow success right now. So, while I never ask for help.... uh... never mind. ;-)

Yeah, Sorry Tessa

2006-04-30T08:36:00.000+10:00

I had planned to have all sorts of things up here by now, you know, Con report, hiyas, thankyous, happy birthdays (to Ken, Scott, Gillian) et al but have been catching up with life in general. Taking a while. Who knew I'd left so much on the burner? I sure didn't...

Will do. Soon. In.... uh... May.

Which is only tomorrow. Gack.

My dad is coming up here this week. Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the moment, you'll have to be happy with a meme I've pinched from just about everybody.

1.Type in your birthday (minus the year) in the search bar at
http://www.wikipedia.org.
2.List three interesting facts, two births, and one death that happened
on your birthday.

Oh my god. So much to choose from!

Facts:

1. 1475 - Stephen III of Moldavia defeats the Ottoman Empire at the Battle of Vaslui.
2. 1861 - American Civil War: Florida secedes from the United States.
3. 1927 - The film Metropolis by Fritz Lang premiers.

Births:
1. 1869 - Grigori Rasputin, Russian monk (d. 1916)
2. 1883 - Aleksei Nikolaevich Tolstoi, Russian writer (d. 1945)

Chose the 2 Russians because my parents lived in Moscow at the time of my birth.

Death:
1. Gabrielle Coco Chanel. French fashion designer (b. 1883)

Who I chose because she died on my birth date's year. Circle of life and stuff.

Adding one... strangity. Apparently January 10 is "Margaret Thatcher Day" in the Falklands.

Stuff I know about that Wikipedia doesn't have:

1989, Col Winchester was assassinated in Canberra. Noteworthy because he is the highest-ranking Federal police officer to be murdered in this country (as in Top Dog, high enough to rate his killing an assassination, anyhow). That was my 18th birthday.

Another Russian birthday:

1910 Galina Sergeyevna Ulanova, Russian prima ballerina

Electrical Update

2006-04-11T17:27:00.000+10:00

My fridge still works.

It's true: as soon as you acknowldge a problem, you solve it.

:-P

So Busy I Could...

2006-03-27T06:50:00.000+10:00

Yeah. Actually, so busy I can't.

So, I don't have time to go into why I'm so busy (but see here for more info), but wanted to say a few things.

First, congratulations to one fellow on his new job and Happy First Day.

Secondly, to a certain individual I was talking to on the phone last night, *hugs*

Thirdly, a quote from Jonathon Cainer's site today:

A fascinating article in the latest edition of the New Scientist describes 'gravitational corridors' between all the major bodies in our solar system. These work rather like underground tube lines. They form a network of shifting, invisible tunnels that could allow space ships to travel using very little energy. Jupiter, apparently, is a 'central station' in this system. All this is fact, not fiction... and to me, it is a real revelation. Until now, sceptics [sic - it's "skeptics", because a c before an e, i or y always says "s", but I like Jonathon's version better hehe] have always insisted that no such connections exist... and that this was one reason why there could never be any logical basis for astrology!

From an astrological and "sci fi" viewpoint... interesting. I'll need to find that article now.

Fourthly....

*whimmmm---peeeerrrr*

Bye.

See everyone after Easter, if not at the Con itself!

The Curse of the Little Thunder Bunnies

2006-03-14T23:21:00.000+10:00

Right.

Anyone who knows me well knows that the (main) reason I've been offline for so long is because my computer's motherboard died. What I haven't mentioned before (even in the excruciatingly long and boring email I sent out to people with my computer-related woes on it) was that the reason I wasn't able to fix the non-functioning fan problem that caused my mother board to overheat and fry itself was that my washing machine ceased to function.

It would, you know, fill up with water, and drain water but the spin was gone. Of course, I didn't find this out until I'd tried to wash a full load, and that meant handwashing and rinsing the humoungous load I'd tried to wash, but that's another story.

You can imagine what it would be like in my house without a washing machine. As it was, I had to wait for it for a week while I got the funds together, because, of course, this is pre-actually-got-my-money-property settlement.

I had to prioritise.

So the computer was sacrificed on the altar of making sure the kids had their school uniforms.

While I was waiting for my property settlement, and therefore, my new computer, my still-under-warranty jug ceased to function. This is a Bad Thing. No jug = no coffee, until I bought one of those little milk saucepans to boil water on the stove. It was cheaper than fixing the jug.

Come to think of it, buying a new jug was cheaper than fixing the jug. Which is what I did, as soon as I could.

So, then my funds came though and I bought my new computer.

A week later, my home phone ceased to work properly. The line was okay, but, while people could hear me just fine, I couldn't hear them approximately half the time. This led to a couple of interesting calls from my mobile to my children (who couldn't hear me), but, again, another story.

No worries, thought I, I've been meaning to get a hand held. So I did.

Then my printer started to play up a couple of weeks ago, not 2 days after the new phones were installed. It didn't die, exactly, but it had moments of definite non-workyness.

While it was deciding what it would do, last week my vacuum cleaner (also less than a year old) carked it. I bought a new one 2 days later (that was last Thursday, I believe).

Yesterday, my printer finally haemorrhaged and was no more. Fortunately, as I'd seen that coming, I do have a brand new printer, which I haven't actually had time to install yet. It's still in its box.

Now, as a signed, sealed and delivered member of the official human race, I do have moments of paranoia. As a result of this, part of me has been wondering if this is, you know, just a little bit personal. An electronically-based conspiracy, out to get little old me.

Of course, I didn't actually believe that.

So. Today, my stereo stopped functioning. Permanently and dramatically.

Well, I guess it's not paranoia if it's really happening, right?

I've decided there's only one thing left for me to do.

I'm putting money aside for a new fridge.

Realised

2006-03-14T08:56:00.000+10:00

what my weirdness feeling probably was.

Full moon eclipse this am. They always make me a bit funky. Actually didn't sleep at all on Sunday night for no good reason. Usually (I've mentioned this before), I tend to dream a LOT in the few days around both the full moon and new moon (and, for the record, that isn't a self-fulfilling thing; I noticed this a few years back after keeping a long-term dream diary that the dates seemed to cluster together). Last night, I had a couple of weird ones, but the night before...

I should say, that everyone dreams every night, so I guess the more accurate way to say is I tend to remember the ones around the new/full moons better. I think it is because I sleep more lightly.

Other than that, nothing more to say. My days have been incredibly busy in that boring sort of way, if you get my drift. You know, no time to scratch myself but you sure don't want to read a long list of it!

At sword, Monday nights have specialised hand-and-a-half classes after the advanced class. I'm enjoying them, although I have noticed this is one technique that really requires an adjustment on my part compared to what the guys do... my chest gets in the way. I'm learning that if I profile better and bend the elbows a bit, then I can get around it, but still. It's an adjustment. My sword instructor (hi Stephen!) calls the hand-and-a-half the "cunning blade", and that it is. Certainly, it's not the hackNbash weapon Hollywood (and some books) portrays it as. I rather like it.

It's been a weird weekend

2006-03-12T09:51:00.000+10:00

Nothing that weird in events (in fact, it's been a pretty good weekend, all up), just... overall-feeling weird. Like, generally disconnected. No, that's no right.

You know how sometimes you feel a bit like there is that small hush before something... BIG... happens? Like, everything around you has stopped, just a little bit, waiting? Not like anticipation. Not like paranoia. Just like you've taken a deep breath and are holding it for a moment. And something's tickling the edge of your consciousness, demanding to be noticed, but every time you try to look at it, it isn't there. But when you stop looking at it, there it is again.

Like, that weird.

On another note, I watched 21 grams last night.

Shudderingly depressing. Felt the need to watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer -- the movie not the series -- just to get the taste of it out of my mouth. Good film though.

Sea Goat

2006-03-11T09:08:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Kingdom of Heaven soundtrack. I liked this movie. It's a perfect example of the type I'm always talking about where a production company has taken an historical event and moved the historical figures around in a fashion that still keeps the history vaguely intact. For example, the Sibylla character is a mix of 3 different historical women, and the background of Ibelin was made up out of whole cloth. And by the time the movie was set, the Templars and Hospitallers were actually on different sides than portrayed in the film. However, this (to me) is fine, because the complications involved in getting the facts correct would've made for a difficult movie to watch and a fairly bad story.

It's not like they took the name of a person out of history, declared the movie to be entirely true, and then didin't get any facts at all correct, like, say, oh, that bloody William Wallace movie.

Cough.

The music is quite good. I like it.

Saw Brokeback Mountain last night. More like "broke heart" but anyways. I have to say that whatever awards it's garnering, it probably deserves them. Having said that, I found for a while, there were a lot of events being shoved into a small amount of time, just enough to give me a wee distance from the main characters I didn't like... just enough to just feel a little disconnected from them. Not so much that I wasn't moved by the film, but still.

One thing I really did like about the film is that it treated the subject matter with respect and dignity. So many so-called "gay" films degenerate into making same-sex love into something... what's the word I'm looking for? Seedy. That's not it, but it will do. Brokeback didn't do that.

It is a highly nuanced film, too. It doesn't treat the movie goer like they're stupid. Not everything is spelled out in words of one syllable or less. It meant that, every so often, you'd think "WTF?" until you thought about it for a second. That was good.

Now, why was I here, she wonders uselessly, before running of on my tangent...

Ah. Yes.

For a while there, I was posting bits on the varying different signs. I stopped that, mostly because I got to Libra and didn't feel like I could be fair-handed with the masculine versions of them (my ex is a Libra, and a fairly typical one of the negatively-possessed kind, you know: hypocritical, for those who need to catch up). I don't have that problem any more, but I got bored, so...

Enough of the Air Signs. How about some Earth? Earth covers the Capricorn, the Virgo and the lover-ly Taurus.

I was reading my Mystic Med today:

It's magical thinking week! Yes, you lot are more esoteric than you oft get credit for. Maybe it's your untold past lives that have made you so brilliant at working whatever 'system' you wind up in? Remember that your astro-symbol is the Sea or Mer-Goat. The Full Moon Eclipse is potent - linking back into last March & October. Your objectivity and proper conduct skills will be required. Venus near Chiron brings both insight and cure for ancient angst in the form of self-esteem scars.

(Stop laughing now Nicky :-P)

The Sea Goat. Hmm.

Caps have this reputation of being "mountain goats", you know, self-centred, grasping climbers who will walk all over anyone to get what they want. Even Myst Med should, perhaps, remember her own advice to remember Caps are sea goats (NOT goats), because in her book, she pretty well extols the same stereotype.

I have to say (apart from, indignantly, "Hey!"), in all honesty is that I have never actually met a Cap who is like this. I am close to (or have been close to) four Caps that I can think of off the top of my head right now:

A beautiful and lovely guy by the name of Chris, who was, I thought at the time (aged 16/17), the certified LOML until circumstances beyond my control intervened (and who I would love to know what happened to), Karina, who I've known since high school and am now very happy to be back in contact with again, Edi, gorgeous fellow, who lives in Finland and shares my birthday, and my #5 son, who actually shares Karina's birthday and is cute as. None of them are/were selfish types. All of them would give their right arm for a friend. Walking all over people, not their style.

And I also think (she says ever so slightly defensively) that walking all over someone to get where you want? BAD. In fact, the only person I know who actually thinks this sort of behaviour is actually morally OK (apart from the aforementioned Libran, who actually doesn't believe it's OK but indulges in it anyhow... see? Hypocritical ;-) ) is an Aries. But I digress.

But I will digress after I add this caveat: I love Arians, OK?

So.

Jonathon Cainer says in his "Your Sign - The Truth" (or perhaps I should say "The FACTS". Pftht. Don't ask. :-P)

The Myth:
The textbooks imply that Capricorns are dreadfully dull. They paint these people as seriously sensible, practical planners who are diligent, dedicated and industrious. Allegedly their only aim in life is to get things together and then hold them there. Nowhere in the summary of this sign is there a mention of spontaneity or imagination.

The Truth:
Statistics prove that, if you were born under Capricorn, you are less likely to believe in astrology. Some think that this is because Capricorns are too "down to earth". Actually though, it's because they don't like the description of their sign. And who can blame them? These ambitious high achievers have better things to do with lives than correct moronic misconceptions. Capricorns may be capable characters but they have plenty of mystery and sensitivity in their souls. They also have plenty of fire in their bellies. These passionate, adventurous and mischievous people also just so happen to be highly intelligent.

[my note. The next least-likely-to-believe are Geminis. They're also astrological intellects - who are probably sick of being called "two faced". One beautiful Gemini man I know from Melbourne has even decided he's going to be a Taurus instead (he's on a cusp and I'm not going to go into how that works, but suffice it to say cusp doesn't actually mean you get to straddle signs, sun signs work like a light switch :on or off), he's so tired of it. Never mind that he's an epitomy of wonderful, gorgeous, Geminis! Although Taureans are pretty cool, too].

The Key To Success:
If you are a Capricorn, you belong not to the sign of the goat but to the sign of the sea-goat; a mythical creature that represents "the doorway to another world". Remember this and have more faith in the visions and ideas that constantly flood through your busy brain. Believe in yourself, not the nonsense that they speak about your sign.

There is also a link between the Cap sign and Pan, also known as Puck. This mythical half man-goat has many connotations, evil and good, but more about that in a moment.

Russell Grant has this (among other things) to say about Caps:

Need a good giggle? Get hold of a chuckling Capricorn, then, and let them jolly you along. You'll soon feel better. Gosh, these Goats are grand! They're suffused with such a stunning sense of humour that they'll have you in stitches with their razor-sharp wit and dead-pan brand of magnificent mirth. And what's especially endearing is that they're always the first folk to laugh at themselves.

That's Pan, master of mischief, in play there. Pan (or Puck) is often referred to as the jester of the fairy court; in fact, it is in just this context he appears in Shakespeare's A Midsumer Night's Dream (which I like FAR much more than that Romeo and Juliet drivel hehe).

Pan himself (in his Pan incarnation), was a powerful nature spirit, son of the Greek god Hermes by a Nymph. He wanders the mountains, playing his pipes in groves and woodlands. That's probably where the mountain goat = Cap mythology came from.

You can also see why I really like these English astrologers. ;-)

But Satyrs, Pan, fauns, Puck also have their dark side. In fact, during the medieval period, they were, like other mythological fae, described as "demons". It would be easy to pass this off as being a part of the normal course of all things medieval catholic, but there was probably some basis in this before that period.

"Pan" gave rise to the word "panic". He is also described as a shapeshifter, who most often appears as a horse (related to the Irish Phooka). The derivations of all the diffent names of Puck in most languages come from a word meaning malevolent spirit. Yet, later, he became realated to the good but mischievous Robin Goodfellow (often related to the mythical version of Robin Hood).

The one thing all of the legends agree on is about Puck's lusty nature.

Now, I know a lot about mythology, but I can't say that, before now, I've really looked into the sea goat.

So I googled it.

Interestingly enough, I found my first "real" answer in a rabid, anti-astrological "false gospel in the stars" site. I'm normally not anti-right wing (in fact, I think some people would even call me right wing), but people who misuse both gospellian and historical quotes make my teeth itch, especially when they quote that crap psuedohistory book Holy Blood and Holy Grail (which is about as accurate a history of the Knights Templar as The Da Vinci Code) to try and make a Biblical assertion about astrology, of all things, and who quote the fiction of HP Lovecraft to try and make an historical point... but I digress again. Sigh.

It turns out that the sea goat is another derivation of the Pan spirit, through Vedic astrology (in which the 10th sign is Neptune, and represented by a dolphin), who, along with its opposite, Cancer (hi Nicky!), represent the doorways to another world, or the gates of the gods. The "other world" is believed by this site to be the Greek representation of Hades (which is all the catholic-come-christian version of "Hell" is: the Bible doesn't mention a "hell" at all, in fact, although it does mention a "lake of fire", she adds for the sake of accuracy), as it then goes on to talk about Kronos (ie Saturn, which the site renames Satan) meeting up with Lucifer and destroying the world or some such completely extra-biblical garbage (Satan is meeting himself and destroying the world. Yeah. That makes sense. See my sracastic face now), but the tome this site quotes doesn't seem to be saying this. I can't find any online versions of the original in context, so I can't say.

And I didn't want to continue reading the site. It was blagging my brain. Pseudo intellectulary that use lots of unrelated (mostly true in context) quotes to make a fairly non-existent point tend to do that. I've learned to just walk away, or I'd be debating with them in my head all day. I've probably not mentioned before that I actually have a pentecostal Christian background, enough of one to see where these people are taking truth - or facts, sigh - and twisting them into something that is a complete fabrication of Biblical theorem. It always annoys me when people of any religion misuse their own holy books to suppress the ignorant. Maybe that's why I like studying the medieval period so much. It's a microcosm of Biblical misuse and forced illiteracy used to suppress the ignorant. But enough of that.

I much preferred This Christian site, which actually did away with the false demonology and looked at it with a little more sanity.

Another site said this:

Capricorn was identified with the Assyrian Kunaxa, the Goat-Fish; and we see other probable names in Shah or Shahu, the Ibex, and in Niru, the Yoke. It is identified with The Goat-Fish, known in pre Babylonian times with the god Ea/Oannes 'The Antelope of the Subterranean Ocean', 'He of the vast intellect', 'Lord of the Sacred Eye', 'God of Wisdom'. Berossus describes Oannes as follows: "At Babylon there was a great resort of people of various nations who inhabited Chaldaea and lived in a lawless manner like the beasts of the field. In the first year there appeared from that part of the Erythraean sea which borders Babylonia, an animal destitute of reason, by the name of Oannes, whose whole body was that of a fish; that under the fish's head he had another head, with feet also below, similar to those of a man, subjoined to the fish's tail. His voice too, and language was articulate and human; and a representation of him is preserved even to this day. This Being was accustomed to pass the day among men; but took no food at that season; and he gave them an insight into letters and sciences and arts of every kind. He taught them to construct cities, to found temples, to compile laws and explained to them the principles of geometrical knowledge. He made them distinguish the seeds of the earth and showed them how to collect the fruits; in short he instructed them in everything which could tend to soften manners and humanize their lives. From that time, nothing material has been added in the way of improvement to his instructions. When the sun had set, this Being, Oannes, retired again into the sea and passed the night in the deep; for he was amphibious. After this there appeared other animals like Oannes". He is also said to have emerged four times, at long intervals, from the subterranean ocean to teach men the arts of civilization. When he appears, it is in human form, wearing a fish-tailed cloak. After educating mankind, he returns to the waters as darkness falls. [STA p.LXXV-c].

Ea/Oannes is responsible for saving mankind from the Flood. The story in which he tells the Sumerian Noah, Uta-Napishtim, to build an ark, is much the same as the Bible's version of the great disaster.

Interesting.

I wonder what it means when you have the sun in Cap and your moon in Cancer?

Synchronicity

2006-03-10T07:33:00.000+10:00

I thought I'd go for a bit of a drive yesterday to pay my lovely mechanic up where I used to live. I love my mechanic (in the "he's amazing with my car" way. Gods, English...). Was the last bill I had to pay, so I'm now completetly debt free. I like that.

He was pleased to see me, apparently. So pleased that he offered a service to my new car on the spot. "Right now. Give me 45 minutes." I figured he's missed me. after all, the work that had to be done on my Tarago over the 2 years before I moved down here paid for a new drywall in his workshop, and new uniforms, too, apparently.

Anyway, so I went for a walk through Pomona, thought I'd drop in on my real estate agent. Bought my house from them; they sold my house for me. We socialised.

So, I'm thinking I'll take "lost my house" off my 2005 list as a "failure". Apparently, I sold at just the right time.

They're planning to build a freeway 100 metres from my old house.

I knew I'd moved at the right time, but, sheesh.

Oh, and Andrew (my mechanic, obviously; keep up) thinks I made an excellent purchase. And undercharged me. Actually, I'm thinking an hour's drive up there every 5000kms or so is not too much trouble. It's hard to find a trustworthy mechanic these days...

This was a defensive post and I know it. ;-)

2006-03-08T15:32:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Tears for Fears. Help! 80s flashbacks! Booyeah.....

I googled "agape". Mostly because I'm pretty sure that sweet little "for fun" meme didn't get the definition right. ;-) Also because I also didn't really know wth "storge" is. (I still maintain it's a vegetable). And because I think someone - who shall remain nameless, but who, for once, isn't Scott - is making fun of me...

From this site.

How do I love thee? Let me count the six ways.

In 1976, researcher John Lee conducted extensive interviews with people to discover what the word "love" meant to them.

He learned, of course, that love means different things to different people. Lee concluded that humans think of love in six separate ways. He labeled these love forms with Greek nouns.

Eros Love: Eros refers to the romantic love that has tremendous passion, physical longing, deep intensity, and intimacy.

Ludas Love: Ludas is called game-playing love. It is like the love of a knight for a princess. There are playful interactions here but little intimacy or deep intensity.

Storge Love: Storge exemplifies friendship-based love. There is strong companionship and shared values here but little physical intimacy.

Pragma Love: Pragma, a combination of storge and ludus love, refers to practical or logical love in which someone actively searches for a partner with certain characteristics.

Mania Love: Mania is a combination of eros and ludus love. It is also known as the troubled love. This love has jealousy and dependence (often called co-dependency), great intensity, some intimacy, and many psychological symptoms related to the relationship.

Agape Love: Agape is also a blend of two other types of love, eros and storge. This is the love of altruism, of giving without asking anything in return, and of sacrificing oneself for one's partner. Many would consider it to be the purest form of love.

All couples share some of each of these forms of love. However, some individuals and thus, couples, focus more on certain types of love styles.

How do male loves and females love? Probably not the way you think of love styles and gender.

Researchers discovered that men tend to view love more in terms of the romantic, intense eros love, or the game-playing love of ludas. Women often have a more logical outlook in the practical pragma love.

Texas Tech psychology professors Clyde Hendrick, PhD, and Susan Hendrick, PhD make the study of love and sexuality their life’s work, They emphasize that a blend of love and sexual styles exist within each individual, and these love styles can change during a relationship. Their research also shows that lovers with similar love styles tend to stay together more often than those with differing love styles.

So, not chaste at all. :-P

Sex, passion and friendship, what could be better, huh???

(Gods. There's that mouth again. Where did that come from? Officially, I eschew love. See? This is my "chewing" face).

hehe.

I would argue, like the Texans, that we all have different tendencies to love depending on who we're with, and how we're feeling at the time. *shrugs* I could be wrong. Then there's what our style is, and what we wish it could be. Not always the same, I guess.

The Ancient Greeks themselves had 4 different definitions of love - the aforementioned "agape", "eros" and and "storge" are three, but one the modern-day pundits have left out is "Phileo" or "Philios" love -- that love which mankind needs to survive (see my previous posts on Lone Wolves and dead babies and other stuff of my "man is a herd animal" contention).

Greek versions of scripture expound all of these - philio is, I guess what we would call "brotherly" love and refers to the need of us all to be accepted and cared for in an affectionate, non-sexual way. It is the love of friendship - but, they reckon, the most selfish of the lot - the "I will like you if you will like me" sort of thing. Or, put more bluntly, the "So, what's in it for me?" love. That's the kind of love that in its negative expression, sees that someone isn't worth loving, you know, "Aha! This person is human! They are not perfect! Therefore I must not love them!" In its positive form, it doesn't expect anything but affection.

Mania is, I think, what Hollywood has us believe is "real" love. Oh, and I'm going to add Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet to that one, too. It's all got to be highly emotional, sparky and full of conflict [we hated each other to start with, and then... well, you know, proximity and scriptwriters, couldn't help ourselves] or, alternatively, joined at the hip, or it isn't "real". Historically, this is the sort of stuff written about or filmed most frequently... and of course it is.

Why? Because the "hook" in all sorts of writing is conflict. Any first year-crit group writer can tell you that: Open with conflict, or there is no story. There needs to be a reason that something can't happen, or there is no character change or what-have-you to make it happen.

And at this point I've changed the title of this post from "is" to "was" because I've managed to segue (HA!) into an actual writing topic.

And... uh... what was I saying? Uh, yeah. If you try and bring the Hollywood attitude into RL, then the problems start. People can't accept each other for who they are (I'm presuming there's no pressing reason why someone should change, you know, like they're a raving alcoholic or child abuser), get all dramatic and can't deal with each other. And hurt each other a lot (cf my marriage). and compare their could-have-been-content lives with frickin' Romeo and Juliet and conclude that they don not have a "deep love" as a result. "The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet". Clue there, folks: both of those protagonists, you know, DIED. Not really healthy, geddit? They could've actually sorted it out if they'd gotten out of the manic stage and thought twice about what they were doing. Lust alone (while certainly a part of every good & healthy relationship and nothing to be sneered at) doesn't = love.

But then, there would be no story, see?

Again, I bemoan the nature of the English language to suck at emotional themes.

Mind you, I think the whole "love at first sight"/reading minds thing does happen. Having said that, I think it truly happens to those elderly couples who have spent 50 years of friendship, romance, respect, intimacy and caring together and can still look at each other and love, at first sight.

Having said That, I think many so-called "chick flicks" hit the nail on the head. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with romance (even though I "officially" thumb my nose at it, I suspect that's because I've never had a lot of it hehe). But if you look at it more closely, these films show couples using alot of respect and admiration, and, essentially, treating another human being like they're special to them. There's nothing mystical in that. Magic, yes. But no mystery there. It's not even difficult, really. Give it very little time, and it's easy to adore. :-) Intimacy isn't too hard, either, and in chick flick world doesn't actually refer to sex. It's, you know, being able to trust another person with those details you don't ever want anyone else to know, ever. And knowing they will never, ever, ever use that horrible inside person we all have in there against you.

And I'm going to add, here, that all of the best "chick flicks", I believe, do the "I fell in love with my friend" thing, anyhow, and pretty much avoid the mania crapola all together. Examples include "You've Got Mail", "Strictly Ballroom", "Suddenly 30", "While You Were Sleeping", to name some of my favourites. Even the Cordelia storyline in Angel (which is SO much more interesting than the Buffy storyline) went that way.

Oh, oh, oh! I found Northern Exposure at JB!!! All three seasons! Woohoo!

Congratulate me

2006-03-08T08:34:00.000+10:00

Today is the first anniversary of my divorce being nisi'ed.

:-D

I guess it seems strange, to some, to be celebrating what seems, on the surface, to be a "failure", but anyone who has been reading here for a while will understand why.

Oh, and since I was offline, I didn't say: my property settlement finally went through - in January (you may recall my post last August saying it was finally done? Uh - nope. Long, boring story). Hoi vey! Talk about rigamarole.

Edit: Thankyou for my e-card, Nicky!

Oh! I should mention the CS Team

2006-03-07T02:05:00.000+10:00

Robert Dobson, Kate Eltham, Robert Hoge and I have been nominated for another Ditmar for Best Professional Achievement for Clarion South! I say this only to acknowledge the excellent work of my colleagues, of course (I'm just the lowly applications director).

Ditmar voting has begun. If you're a member of the 2006 NatCon (Conjure, Brisbane, 2006, again, for anyone who's moved from Mars to Xena and needs an update), then you can vote for the winners. Eve if you can't make it to the convention itself, if you have a suporting membership (just $20) you can still vote.

More info at the Conjure website.

Speaking of Clarion, it's worth mentioning that applications for Clarion South, January-February 2007 are now OPEN. More details Here.

I've decided

2006-03-06T07:40:00.000+10:00

... that I really like the word "segue". I've been trying to figure out how I can work that word into general conversation, but even I am not that pretentious, so I guess I'll just have to work out a way I can legitimately use it in my blog.

Or my book/s.

Thing is, I can't think of how. Suggestions welcome.

Ok, there is a good reason for my brain fry-age. I think I've mentioned, somewhere, that I'm programming "head" of Conjure, which means I
1. Don't have time to clean my house properly, or nag the kids to clean my house properly. This bugs me, but I'm not obsessive about it. Did get my poor graden weeded during the rain this week. Almost weeded. Got wet. Got muddy.
2. Am rather fractrated, attention-wise
and
3.have a couple (hehe) of emails to send re panels. 107, it turns out. I'm doing quite well, up to 32. I would've managed more yesterday, but I had the last day of filming to do for a film we're putting together for the Ditmar awards. We've decided to make the awards rather special this year.

Then I was, uh, distracted for a couple of hours. I love phone calls. :-D Especially those long languorous calls that go on for hours that you can have while you're wandering around the house. I have new phone. Phone actually works (unless the person on the other end of the line goes into their fridge, for some reason: take note for future reference there, Nicky... ;-)). Phone is wee hand-held that doesn't tie you down to the line. Me happy. Me always talk in stupid short sentences when me happy.

On a completely unrelated note, I miss Captain Caveman.

Uh. Bye.

Bleh

2006-03-03T09:57:00.000+10:00

my style of love is:

AGAPE

To me, love is chaste and selfless and spiritual.

what's your style of love?
| mewing.net. where love goes to die.

I was borderline "Storge" (you know, love-based-in-friendship). Mostly true-ish, I suppose. Except for the chaste bit. Once one is officially bonded, love should never be chaste... with them, I mean. ;-)

(Gods. Close mouth, engage brain. Close mouth, engage brain).

The Full lyrics of the song

2006-03-03T06:35:00.000+10:00

The song I quoted the lyrics from on my 2005 wrap-up is not a well-known one. I actually didn't buy it until 2006, and it's part of a compilation from a Roswell soundtrack (I am going to presume it comes from season 3, because I own seasons 1 & 2 and I'd never heard it before. I shall find out on March 15, when Season 3 finally comes out. Yay). As a whole, it doesn't, strictly speaking, answer the question, but those lines did.

Anyhow, the song is "I Shall Believe", sung by Sheryl Crow. Written by Sheryl Crow and Bill Bottrell, copyright 1993 A&M Records, Inc.

I Shall Believe

Come to me now, and lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie, say it will be all right
And I shall believe

I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me
That I only come home, when I'm so all alone
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be
It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door and show me your face tonight
I know it's true, no one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again will I turn away from you
I'm so happy tonight that your love is all right
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be
It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

That not everything is gonna be the way you think it oughta be
It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
I shall believe (etc)

It's not a bad little soundtrack, although some of the songs, tha sound OK on first listening, get annoying after a while (an example would be track 6 "Fear (Hybrid's Super Collider Mix) Edit", performed by Sarah McLachlan. This was used to good effect in the Pilot episode (before Dido's "Here With Me" - one of my favourite songs - became the theme song) but as a whole is wearing to the ear. Yes, even the Backstreet Boys are better. ;-) "Brothers and sisters", Coldplay, is on the CD,; it has a nice guitar rif, which is probably the reason for its use. I do like another song, "Save Yourself" by Sense Field - I think every teenaged girl and young adult female (and one older supposedly adult female who shall remain nameless but who knows who she is) should listen to this song, because as a piece of advice from a bunch of blokes, it's rather effective:

Save Yourself (9.01 version)
Written by John Bunch, Chris Evenson, John Stockberger, Rodney Sellers and Robert Pfeiffer. Copyright 2001 Nettwork America LLC

Turn out the light
Just say goodnight to yourself
May I remind you when you find you're all alone's when you
You've got to be strong
That's when they call you in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper
That is disposable any time

Is he really true
Could you save yourself for someone who could love you for you?
So many times we just give it away
For someone who
Someone who

You met in a bar; the back of a car
And for a moment, you felt important, but not in your heart
'Cos my self esteem, it's been low
Go ahead and count; it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me

'Cos I want to learn
Have you saved yourself for someone who'll love you for you?
So many times we just give it away
To someone who won't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who'll love you for you?
And loves me for me
Give it away to someone who
Someone who will cherish your name

'Cos I want to learn
Have you saved yourself for someone who'll love you for you?
So many times we just give it away
To someone who couldn't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who loves you for you?
And loves me for me
Give it away to someone who
Someone who would cherish your name

(Not sure why they call it the 9.01 version; it only goes for 3.19)

Back to it. I have panel stuff to finish for Conjure (for anyone who's been on Mars, that's the National SF Convention, Brisbane, April 14 - 17 2006. More information: click here). This is one main reason I haven't written any long boring spiels on what I've been doing for the last 4 months!

Oh, and Scott? Update! :-P

Hi Liz!

2006-03-02T08:10:00.000+10:00

Yes, I've missed you (online) as well. *grin*

Speaking of new music (which was on yesterday's survey, so I was, a bit), I must be insane. I actually bought a CD by the Back Street Boys. Worse, I'm actually enjoying it.

My 13 year-old -- almost 14 -- (that would be #2 for those trying to keep track, Hi Nicky :-P) heard me playing it, comes over and says, "Mum are you listening to the Back Street Boys???"

"Uh-huh," I say, accurately as it turns out.

"Mum, I am very concerned for you. Honestly."

Blank look.

His eyes roll. "I give up. There's no helping you."

Yeah, but I already knew that, see. ;-)

Hi Eug

2006-03-01T18:57:00.000+10:00

One person loves me. :-)

Some catching up to do, but can't really do it now as I have sword tonight. But, I figured I did one of these last year (see Jan 2005 archives) so I may as well do it again:

2005 Wrap Up

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Started living in Brisbane. Got divorced.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any, and I won't.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My godfather died in late November.

5. What countries did you visit?
This year, I hope!

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
The In Love Crapola.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 8, Decree Nisi. The why is self-evident.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Along with Rob Hoge, Kate Eltham and Rob Dobson, we won a Ditmar for "Best Professional Achievement" for Clarion South 2005 at NatCon 2005 (Thylacon).

9. What was your biggest failure?
I lost my house.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. I got pneumonia in June.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My new car. It's so cute.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My sons and daughter, for their ongoing ways of bringing joy & chaos to my life.
Friends & family too numerous to mention, online and off... don't want to start for fear of forgetting someone. You know who you are.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
My ex, again. Appalled but not depressed. He hasn't that effect on me any more.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent. Food. Swords! Oh, and $11,000 to my divorce lawyer. Ack!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My daughter auditioned for a National Choir and got in. I started sword lessons. One of my sons scored 87 runs and got 5 wickets at cricket. A friend got engaged. No, 2 friends! And another 2 friends became a couple.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
None in particular, I listen to too much of it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter?
18 kilos thinner (only 20 to go hehe)
iii. richer or poorer?
Moneywise, richer. Friendswise, ditto.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
My bloody novels.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Wasting time on unrequited crapola.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Went to Canberra and spent it with my dad, brother, niece and nephew.

21. Who -- of importance to you now -- did you meet for the first time?
Stephen, Ken, Chris, Wayne and other sword fellers.

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
No.

23. How many one-night stands?
None. I don't do one-nighters.

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Urgh. Lost? None, really, that I didn't already see.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
(this is a reprint of last years' because nothing's changed). Without trying to sound like an arse, I don't hate anyone. I dislike the odd person, like but mistrust one or two, feel uncomfortable with a couple and have no feelings at all for others, but I don't hate anyone. Who's got the energy or time?

26. What was the best book you read?
Anything (and everything) by Michael Wood and Sean Williams.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No-one new.

28. What did you want and get?
Didn't want much.

29. What did you want and not get?
See "unrequited crapola" ;-)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I didn't have one. Liked many, didn't have a favourite. No, wait... it was early in the year, Phantom of the Opera.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had dinner with friends, did Clarion duties, and 34. this is always a hard thing to remember, because my birthday is in January and I'm now 35!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not a thing. Maybe the property settlement thing could've gone through more quickly.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Too big? What do you mean, it's too big!!?

34. What kept you sane?
More like "who". You know who you are.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I must admit to, now, a giant crush on Sean Williams. I can say this because he's a sweetie. :-D

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
For the record: if I am in a vegetative state, I do NOT want my feeding tube removed so I can dehydrate and starve to death, OK?????

37. Who did you miss?
(Still) My paternal grandfather, who died when I was 16. My dad & brother and a couple of friends from Canberra.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Stephen, Ken, Chris, Wayne :-D

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love... and this includes allowing them the freedom not love you back without recrimination or doubts or the end of a friendship. It also means doing so without thinking something is wrong with me [still learning that one, though, I must admit, she's just discovered].

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Promise me you won't give up on me, and I will believe."

I'm baa-ack

2006-02-28T18:23:00.000+10:00

Nothing to say.

Actually, lots to say. Too much to say, so I won't say anything.

I'll just tell you which gosh- awful literary masterpiece I am.

(Actually I find this one serendipitous as some poeple and I were discussing this one just this weekend).

take the WHAT BAD BOOK ARE YOU test.

and go to mewing.net. not as good as reading a good book, but way better than a bad one.

PS if you're happy to see me, say so. I'd like that. :-D

Well

2005-10-11T08:00:00.000+10:00

Nice to know I can get something right. ;-)

English Genius
You scored 100% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 93% Expert!

You did so extremely well, even I can't find a word to describe your excellence! You have the uncommon intelligence necessary to understand things that most people don't. You have an extensive vocabulary, and you're not afraid to use it properly! Way to go!

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 60% on Beginner

You scored higher than 43% on Intermediate

You scored higher than 71% on Advanced

You scored higher than 82% on Expert

Link: The Commonly Confused Words Test written by shortredhead78 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Bye for now.

Not much to say

2005-09-13T21:14:00.000+10:00

It's school holidays.

And been writing.

All.

Bye.

:-)

I have a 15 year-old

2005-09-08T06:52:00.000+10:00

as of 9.36 am today.

Hoi. That's a little weird, because I remember, like it was yesterday, wanting to be 15 years old.

Several reasons for that:

15 was... actually, is, my favourite number. It has a good vibration to it. I don't know why, I just like the way it look and feels.

My favourite book series was Trixie Belden, girl detective. All the good stuff seemed to start happening when she was 15.

I started Year 10 when I was 15. In Canberra, Year 10 were "top of the high school" (We have pre-school, then Kindy & Yr 1 - Yr 6 as primary school, Yrs 7 - 10 as high school and Yrs 11 & 12 are college, before you hop off to university or work or whatnot. It was a good system. Yrs 11 & 12 were autonomous: if you didn't turn up, well, that was your prerogative, but you also took the consequences, like, say, failing school. You could, theoretically, do really well and never attend a class. There was also a Yr 13 for anyone who got to the end of Yr 12 and regretted never turning up to class and wanted to improve on Yr 12 or repeat it). Top of the highschool is pretty cool. Well, I liked it.

Now, I'm 34 and the mother of a 15 year old. Most of the friends I knew from that self-same high school who have kids are all having them now-ish, or have kids that are similar in age to my 5th & 6th children.

It's a little bizarre, but in a good way. I'm planning on going o/s next year, all going well (btw, look out for my creative travelogue soon), and will, all going well, be able to take my eldest with me. He's old enough to enjoy it and I'm young enough to be able to keep up with him (hehe). I'm actually very fortunate in that respect, teenage rebellion issues aside, I have a 15 year-old who can actually stand to be around me. And his girlfriend likes me too. # 2 son's friends think I'm not like a "real" mum. Apparently I'm, like, too young, man. I'm, uh, not really sure how to take that, but I think it's supposed to be a compliment.

#1 son tried to wrangle a day off from school today, but no go. He has a maths test.

See, I am a real mum. ;-)

Oh, and for those who are keeping track (hi dad!), I took off another kilo this week, after a looong time on plateau (actually, I think I took off a half kilo last week and finished the kilo this week, but whatever). Plateau was good, after taking off so much weight so quickly. Allows for the whole skin reduction thing. Mind you, 6 weeks on a plateau can be a wee bit demoralising, but then, it's not like I'm really noticing.

Much.

Funny thing is, I ate more chocolate this week than I have in the past 3 months, which is not to say a whole lot, because I actually only eat chocolate in a serious way once a month. But still. So, 12 down, 25-ish to go. Hoi, that's almost a third of the way. Coolish. :-D

Bad thing is, I bought a new pair of jeans after dropping the last lot and they're now too big. And look it. Sigh.

Oh, and I'm taking up swordfighting (mediaeval) again soon, now my chiro's happy with my pelvis and T1 actually staying in one place for more than five minutes.... I'm down to 2-week visits and in a little over a month she's fixed my PMT and headaches, as well as some minor damage done to my arm when my ex slammed it in a door 2 years ago (it was causing some numbness in the right wrist that I was so used to I hardly noticed) and I can now sit for more than 5 minutes without getting a sore back, so I'm all good. Yay!

I just hope I haven't forgotten, you know, everything I once knew. Mind you, I was doing 15-16th c sidesword and I'm now doing the era I'm really interested in (300-odd years earlier, more crashNbash than finesse, really), so it's back to the basics for me. She's a little reluctant to give me the OK to go back to the horses, though. Can't think why hehe. I mean, it's not like I actually intend to fall off and ruin all her good work. ;-)

Anyway, must dash. I have a cake to make.

This one's just for Nicky

2005-09-05T07:09:00.000+10:00

From MM, weekly, this am:

Cap: Get set for your bravest new world yet. The New Moon on Sunday inspires a daring rewrite of your life 'saga'. That evening it trines Mars, embroiled in your Romance sector till Feb. Stale old realities are dissipating fast. Reinvention opportunities are everywhere. Grasping whatever feels fresh is the way through. Monday's Mercury-Uranus situation is your chance to say something that needs to be said before it comes to a mid-month Full Moonie Not-So-Much-On-Your-Terms climax.

Ugh. (!!)

Yay

2005-09-04T07:04:00.000+10:00

In both the real and sarcastic terms.

Hmm. Sarcastic first. Shall get the whingeing out of the way first. I know what is causing the ex's dummy spit. I'm not going into detail, no (I mean, how boring, truly). But never mind, it was all my fault. *rolls eyes*

Good yays next. Have I mentioned my brother's in town? No. My brother's in town. Sort of. Actually, he's up at my mum's, but close enough. Bro lives down in Canberra, so this is the first time in a year we've seen him. 'Twas his birthday yesterday so I went up to mum's for a BBQ, as you do. He was actually down here in Brissy on Thursday, but that was just to use my front drive as a parking spot (I feel so used *sob*). Kidding. Actually, once he'd finished with his lunch, we caught up a bit, I looked up his chart (no real surprises there, not pour moi, anyway).

So, we all did lunch yesterday, and my mum has a new telescope which I had to get to know well, of course (although, to be fair, my mum was the one doing the actual hugging ;-) ). It's a -- correct me if I get this wrong, mum -- Newtonian 10 inch with Dobsonian base? Or something like that. I was paying attention, really. Anyways, it's apparently a lot clearer than her C8, so there's a trip back up there for the Mars bigness in October-ish planned.

Must admit, one thing I really miss, living in Brisbane, is the lack of night sky. Well, no it's there, but... you know what I mean.

Yum. The jasmine I planted in the front garden has flowered and the smell is drifting in through my window here. I love it when a plan comes together. :-D

I was saying... yeah. Bro will come back down here for # 1 son's 15th (ack!!) birthday on Thursday.

Last night, also went to Jason & Mil's yearly bash, which was good (again). Oh, and the Saints won their prelim. final (a step further than they managed last year! Yay. A real yay, actually). They won against the minor premiers (Adelaide Crows) on an away game, breaking the Crows' 10-game winning streak, too, so one is v. happy. It means they get a week off (they were top 4 so if they'd lost they would've played the winner of either of the lower order prelims next week -- a game the Crows will play instead), but, more importantly, it means their next final will be at home, I believe.

Hmm. Sweet peas now. I planted those because my grandfather used to plant them for me every year, so they remind me of him (smell, very evocative). He used to plant them every year, but when he found out how much I loved them, he planted double the number and I'd get a huge bunch to take home every time we visited. He's the model for a character in one of my first draft novels, actually. Or, at least, that aspect is.

I have never been able to get them to grow properly, up until this year. The few years they actually grew they just didn't smell right. This year, well, they're starting to grow really well, now the sun's come around a bit, and the smell is just delicious. Just how I remember it. I like to think of that as a wee bit symbolic.

Oh, and Rob & Kate! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D

The continuing stooooory

2005-09-02T06:22:00.000+10:00

Hoi. Will the soap opera never stop?

The last time I said anything about my divorce situation, iirc, I said it was pretty much a done deal, property and kid issues. The ex had finally agreed to something, his lawyer had sent over preliminary paperwork, my solicitor got the court documents drawn up, I've signed them and all was good, right?

Nope. I should have known something would go silly.

He won't sign them. Apparently the children's issues are not what "we agreed".

I'm stumped. My solicitor's stumped. See, we didn't change the wording of what his solicitor sent to us. Not a single word. I think a paragraph was added that is required by law, which basically amounts to nothing different except that I authorise the schools to send information re the kids to their father, but apart from that. His solicitor should know a standard clause when she sees it.

Of course, yesterday, my solicitor's been trying to find out exactly what the problem is, and his solicitor wouldn't talk to her. Again. Although, apparently that was our fault. See, we sent the paperwork over on the 19th of last month. The ex claimed, as of the 28th, that he hadn't seen it. Then, on the 31st, there were several phone calls to my solicitor, whcih she couldn't take, being in court and physically not in the office. She tries to return the phone call on the 1st, and it's "too late". Never mind that the ex's solicitor will refuse to take or answer phone calls for three weeks at a time.

My lawyer, who is an expert in family law to the point she teaches it as well, has never seen anything like it. See, Australian family law isn't supposed to be combative. And more to the point, there's nothing to be combative about... the man's losing out for every moment this isn't settled, and if it goes to a judge the courts will certainly not be as generous to the ex as I've been -- and his solicitor should know it. I, on the other hand, am not, not in a true sense, except for that thing about not getting it final in my head. I've been divorced for six months and separated for two and a half years and I still don't feel like I can move on properly, mentally anyway.

I guess that's the point, eh.

I think I shall get annoyed for a moment. Right now.

Right. Done. Truly, I couldn't be bothered. The best I can manage is to roll my eyes and go "figures". Not like this wasn't expected. Not this exact circumstances, that's stumped me, but I knew there'd be something. There usually is.

Must admit, I'm very, very tempted to pull the plug and suggest he take the whole shebang to court. He'll lose. If this isn't sorted out today, I just might. Who knows, maybe that's what the universe is trying to tell me to do. Not my lesson this time: his.

Whatever.

On to world events, and thoughts go out to New Orleans. But I have to say... reports of anarchy, looting and shooting at rescue helicopters? WTF's wrong with that country? Entire coastlines swept away in the tsunamis last year, and no-one tried to kill the rescuers. Canberra, Australia, suburbs burn to the ground a couple of years ago, and people pull together to help each other.

Normally, I can't stand generalisations, but... sheesh.

America. Go figure.

Way to flyyyyyyyyyyy!

2005-08-28T07:44:00.000+10:00

The Saints took out Brisbane by 139 points.

That is all.

:-D

It's next week

2005-08-25T23:08:00.000+10:00

and I completely missed it.

Oooooohhhhhhh....................

Pother.

Kids update

2005-08-25T07:36:00.000+10:00

For the momma and the papa (mine, that is). :-)

#1 - has strep throat, also, a day behind me... I got past the "acute" stage last night (can now swallow without going... whimper). So is home for this week. Otherwise, he's, well, very tall, dad. Big feet... bigger than yours now. School improving.

# 2 - very popular with the girls right now. Apparently causing no trouble at all at school. Still writing.

# 3 - is now in 2 cricket teams, club & school. School trains on Tuesday, plays on Fridays. Club trains either on Wed or Thur (don't know yet) and will play Saturdays. I am a little concerned re burnout but he tells me he could play cricket every day of his life... the school has a B team (grade 5s and less-good grade 6s) and an A team (Grade 7s and talented Grade 6s). Alex (year 6) had to go to tryouts and made it into the A team. Yay. :-)

# 4 - passed her audition for the Australian Youth Choir and is therefore in the probabtionary choir, level 1, next year. Yay. :-) Setup verrrry different from the WVYC.

# 5 - would probably be happier with a different teacher - imo, there's nothing wrong with her, but he's developed an issue. He apparently "can't" read when she's around, although he has no trouble when reading to his sister, me or the replacement teacher he had for the first 5 weeks of term. Other than that, still loud. Some of it is also confusing teaching practice, though -- eg, they teach the sounds for l, i (short sound only, as in "his") and k - then expect them to "sight read" by rote the word "like" -- and he says "lick" every time. Why on earth they don't just teach both vowels sounds at the same time and then the rule for the silent e I will never know. It's not hard to learn, or teach; all my other kids got it when I taught it to them at 5. He's having some problem accepting that because it's not the "same" as he gets at school. Bring back true phonics, look-say is an already proven-to-be-failed experiment, for pity's sake.

# 6 - poor kid came down with what I have last night, although it seems to have hit him a little more gently. I hope it stays that way. He says his throat isn't too sore today. he's still running around, so it can't be too bad. :-)

Will phone when voice doesn't hurt. :-D

Just when you thought

2005-08-23T06:57:00.000+10:00

it was safe to say "No, I'm over all the lurgies, thanks." another one pops by.

The good news is, I can't talk because of this one. ;-)

Edit: found out I have a rather nasty case of strep throat. Hoi. I'd yell "Why me?" at the universe, but a) I'm not really that sort of person, and b) it hurts too much to whisper, let alone yell... ;-) So, I guess, I'll just roll my eyes and think, "Oh, no, not again," all petunia-like.

(Sorry, random HHGTTG reference there). :-D

Still not next week?

2005-08-18T19:15:00.000+10:00

Damn! :-P

It's not next week yet.

2005-08-17T09:54:00.000+10:00

Right?

Sorry, in joke. :-D

But onto more important things

2005-08-15T08:33:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Bachelor Girl waiting for the day.

Busy weekend.

Apart from the usual, you know: making sure the kids don't have to attend school in their underwear sans actual food on Monday, that is.

Mum drove down on Friday for the bairn's birthday, which was great. Wet and COLD though. I was going to make yet another disparaging comment about global warming but I'm sure some doomsayer will pop up a spurious bit of science that tells me this is all a part of it and we're doomed to go to desert in a handbasket, so forget I said anything. :-P The bairn is now 4 (hereafter on this blog, known as either "#6" or "Master 4", just to clear up any confusion that any random individual may have).
;-)

Saturday, I drove up to the Sunshine Coast, the old stomping ground, to drop Master 6 (or #5 hehe) off to a birthday party. He stayed up there for a sleepover. He tells me he didn't get much sleep Saturday night, go figure, huh. Then my daughter (who was with me, obviously) and I went and did a beading/jewellery making class together -- it's been a while, given the child care arrangements and the number of brothers she has, since we've had "girl time" so I thought, while we had the opportunity... anyhows, she made a necklace and I did some earrings for that evening. There was some lunch in there, too, iirc (the driving was 4 hours all up).

Trevor had a birthday party Saturday night, which was fun. I thought I'd try a drink which was a special of the house, so to speak. I misread the description, though, thinking it was like one of those vodka mudslides you can get. But no, when they said "chocolate", they meant "flavour", not the real thing, so I had a martini glass of almost pure chocolate, white chocolate and walnut-flavoured vodka. Smelled lovely. Tasted very nice. And given I'm not a heavy drinker (especially of the harder stuff, I'm a cider--or occasional Bailey's--girl, usually), it made me verrrry comfortable.

'Twas nice catching up with Trevor's mum and brother, and Grace and Lynda, as well, who I hadn't seen in a while. Food was good, although the servings were of the size that made you feel the need for McDonald's afterwards (which is saying a lot, because I mostly can't stand McYuck's even if I am forced to eat it from time to time).

I managed to squeeze in a trim somewhere there, too.

Sunday (after a morning spent with the washing and Angel episodes) I had a very leisurely lunch with a newish Vision-ary, Shaun, which was very nice (in the true sense of "nice", not that bland "nice" you use because you can't come up with any other suitable adjective). Shaun has some terrific ideas, novel-wise, look forward to seeing the result. Went home and worked on my novel(s) for a bit, been a while since I've done that, so thanks Shaun! (if you read this). :-)

Most importantly, though, well.... The Saints had their seventh consecutive win against the Roos, putting us in a niiiice position for next week's game against Freo. Mind you, that will be at Subiaco and the Saints never travel well, but we'll see. Hamill wasn't injured, so at least no one can accuse me of jinxing the boy. :-P Brisbane had more injuries this w/e, too, so it was good news all round. ;-) And, hey Grant Thomas was satisfied with the win, too: there's somethign new and different hehe.

Puts us third on the ladder, ahead of Syney Swans (who booted Brisbane down a rung, woo hoo!) on percentage. Freo's game should be interesting: they're at number 8 right now and MUST win. In our case, the best we can do is third, a good place to be if we can stay there.

In Rugby, Parramatta absolutely THRASHED Canterbury Bulldogs on Friday night too; the worst beating Canterbury has had since they joined the comp. Allow me to gloat for a second. Ha. Right, done now.

I think we narrowly avoided the follow-on in cricket, too, not that I really care though (that was 'specially for Uni :-P)

Head's Up

2005-08-14T23:07:00.000+10:00

Since it's been happening a lot lately, I'm going to say this:

Unsigned, anonymous spam comments will be automatically deleted. I will not visit your site. I am not interested in laser eye surgery or travelling to Mauritius in a leaky boat, no matter how cheap the rates. And no, I don't really want to enlarge my male member, given that I'm female and all. And given that I've just recently cleared all debt, I'm not really keen to go into more, so no credit card offers, either.

You will not get even click-through revenue from me. Don't even bother.

However, if you're new to the site and want to remain anonymous, no issue here. Welcome to comment. Just don't try to sell me anything. I'm not in a position to buy.

If I need or want your product, I will google for it. Go peddle somewhere else.

It's nothing personal. I have a "no junk mail" sign on my snail mail box, too.

Deleted spam on this post alone so far: 7

Hoi. This post wasn't a dare, you know. Sheesh.

What sort of novel should you write?

2005-08-12T17:22:00.000+10:00

Got this one from Jen's blog. Thought I'd take it because I'm confused.

FANTASY! - Mystical, magical mayhem! You feel the
urge to write of fantastic worlds that never
were and the beings that might live there. Are
they Lands of Wonder or adventures of Magical
Folly? JRR Tolkien and Tanith Lee are your
guides.

What Kind of Novel Should I Write?
brought to you by Quizilla

OK, maybe not as confused as I thought.

Happy Birthday...s

2005-08-12T08:35:00.000+10:00

to my youngest bairn and to Trevor!!! Pressies... woohoo!

And it's cold.... half of SE Australia is snowed under and I'm considering a jumper, even up here. So much for global warming. Huh. :-)

Now I shall go and huddle around the oven while the cake is baking.

Oh, and I've signed the paperwork. Yay.

What happens if

2005-08-11T09:46:00.000+10:00

you try to type your name with your elbows?

I get:

hdeazStrnhjerr

Post your results. :-D

It's been a while since we've done a meme

2005-08-08T18:50:00.000+10:00

so here's one I stole from Stu.

Also because it's been a while since I've stolen anything from Stu and my whole nemesis brain is out of practice.

It's google. Basically, google "[your name] is..." and post your ten favourites.

Mostly boring.

- Heather is a short hairless undershrub
- Heather is the one with the muscles Yeah, see, ma, I'm big-boned, not fat...
- Currently, Heather is learning to communicate her feelings and direct her anger and/or jealousy to positive outlets. hehehe. Evil grin
- heather is believed to bring good luck to those who possess it define "possess"... um. Are we talking The Exorcist here?
- Heather is pregnant, read all about it. Yeah, right, so what else is new?
:-P
- Heather is the type of seductive Scottish historical that will definitely please lovers Um. Let me rephrase that.
- heather is said to be stained with the blood of clan wars
- Heather is the gateway between the inner world and the outer one. Wowsers. No wonder.
- Heather is going to be talking to you about simulations of the Simulations of the what. What? I have no idea...
- the heather is an experience for the senses.
- heather is reputedly easy to propagate from cuttings That explains a lot. See "heather is pregnant" above. Oh, I crack myself up. Not.

You can do it on googlism, too. I couldn't be bothered.

Actually, that isn't strictly true. Googlism gave me:

"Sorry, google doesn't know enough about 'heather is...' yet."

Stupid memes.

* Just so my mother doesn't panic: no, I'm not. Pregnant, I mean. :-P

Firin' at the right end of the season

2005-08-08T13:59:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Amici Forever Defined. Great CD, except for yet another bloody rendition of The Prayer, a song I used to really love. Not so much now. Between Celene Dion and that Anthony guy, it's been overplayed. Sigh. Nice vocal version of Rachmaninov's 2nd piano concerto, too (for anyone unfamiliar with the tune, think "All By Myself"). The men are stronger singers than the girls, though.

Q: How many Arians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only one, apparently, and they won't even let you help.

I dislike being short. Actually, I'm around average height but another inch would've been nice. Then I wouldn't have had to play helpless "can't change lightbulb" housewife. Grr. And, thanks, Scott, for being, er, taller. :-)

And the Saints are third on the ladder. Hamill's played 2 matches in a row and hasn't injured anything (and if he goes down next game, well, you can all blame me, ok?). They took out Geelong this w/e, allow me to gloat (sorry, daddy, you know I love you but one must take one's victories when one can, eh). :-D

The loss of Hudghton capped off a frustrating night for Thomas, who watched his forwards squander numerous chances to bury an injury-hit Geelong side.

But there was one major positive to come out of the game and that was the form of inspirational forward Aaron Hamill, who was best afield with 11 marks and four goals in only his second game back following a three month lay-off with ankle and calf injuries.

"I thought he was terrific and it was one of the best games I have seen him play," Thomas said of his former skipper.

"He was very assertive in the way he played and he looked as though he was in complete control of the game."

They won by lots, but didn't bury Geelong. Sigh. Mr Thomas is never satisfied.

I never go clothes shopping, but I did this w/e. And I actually bought more than one item for myself *gasp* off the rack *GASP* in NOT the "happy to be chubby" section. *faints*

Will stop writing now because typing when unconscious is vsdjlaeriobCNK;A;. :-p

Hoi.

2005-08-07T09:06:00.000+10:00

Yesterday, I went shopping. Needed to get clothes for kids, so took a couple of them along (figured I'm not really a shopper-for-fun -- except for my book/candle weakness -- so it was time my sons learned about porter duty)there, bought a board game that required batteries, written on the outside of the box "requires 3 LR6 batteries to play -- not included". Hmmm. WTF are LR6's, I wonder. Well, so I go and look in the battery section of KMart. Full of AA's, triple A's, oh, there's an LR4, a watch battery. OK, then. Must be those little disc thingys you use for comp games. So, I wander over to a watchmaker and ask.

"Oh, yes, we have LR4's, but LR6's? We've never heard of them, sorry."

Ooookay. Over to EB, I needed to go there anyhows. Yes, #3, I know your feet hurt, but you manage to run for hours on the cricket ground without getting tired, but a little walking through the mall getting to you? Wuss. Must be imprinted into the genetic code for males. Except for one male I know, who isn't even gay but who enjoys shopping more than I do. Another story, never mind.

Pick up layby. No, we don't sell batteries at all, sorry, not even for computer games, but have you tried Tandys?

Of course. Duh. Tandy's, of course, is at the opposite side of the mall, where I just came from, right near KMart (where I bought the game). Honestly, anyone would think I'd asked the boys to climb Mt Everest. Off we go (I considered singing Heigh-ho but that would've been a bit too silly. hehe).

Tandy's. LR6's? Hmmm. Not sure about that code. Let me look it up.

They are another code for AA's. The most common battery on the planet, available at any corner store. Whimper.

Hehehehe.

Oh, passed Dusk twice without getting any candles. The third time was the charm. *grin*

And for my next trick....

2005-08-06T09:25:00.000+10:00

Eldest son (almost 15): "Why can't we put carpet on the roof?"

Me: "Er, because every time it rained it would get too heavy and fall through the ceiling."

Eldest son: *fake sob* "Well, there's my dream spoiled then."

Honestly, I have to pay much more attention to what people are saying. hehe.

Flowers

2005-08-05T11:57:00.000+10:00

Couplea extra things.

Chris -- get well soon. REST, dammit!

Liz -- Ditto!

Nicky & Damon -- The primulas you gave me that I put in the front garden? Flowering! Woohoo. :-)

The Island

2005-08-05T09:55:00.000+10:00

What an amazing film. Maybe it was the company, but I thoroughly enjoyed the film. Interesting moral dillemma, which I liked a lot, mostly because it agreed with my own ideas of cloning and develop-your-own-market organ harvesting dangers and the concept of life in and ex utero. The science was faulty, afaik, but that didn't detract, for me. I really liked the character development, as well, and MacGregor and Johannsen, as well as Sean Bean (almost called him Mr Bean there, but that would be... wrong), gave sterling performances. Even the "bit parts" had quality actors.

Action fast-paced and it was sometimes difficult to watch, emotionally and because of the movement of the camera during the action (hint: don't sit too close to the screen, be well back or the whole feeling makes you go cross-eyed. We were back about a third of the way. We should have sat at least another 2 rows back). The other thing I found was that there was some "in the air" action that had our heroes on the side of a very tall building, and I have physical vertigo and bookshelf syndrome, so and every time the camera either moved with the action or panned to the ground far... far... far... below, I felt like I was falling myself. Hey, I have the same problem when I'm on a ladder, so that's not a criticism, but if you have physical middle ear problems that affect your balance, well... sit further back LOL.

The previews were interesting, as well, mostly because I saw, for the first time, the previews of both Narnia and Serendipity. They both look like they'll be excellent films, looking forward to seeing them. Narnia, in particular, has moved away from the puppet-based Aslan and into the CGI realm a la LOTR. Should be good.

Serendipity is the film that Joss Whedon's made to tie up the loose ends left behind by the premature axing of his series Firefly. If you haven't seen Firefly, well, why not? It was frustrating, there were so many storylines left unfinished. Almost as frustrating as the rushed and pointless ending of Season 5 of Angel due to the same network myopia. Hoi, that sucked great chunky chips.

I like the name, Serendipity. But then, I like serendipity. Hello, genealogist. *grin*

Meanwhile, it was great to catch up with my friend. We're keeping in touch (as in, actually keeping in touch, not that vague "we should make sure we keep in touch" way you often have at ten year high school reunions that you never actually do because you forget or couldn't be bothered. I known this is true, for 3 SMS's from him from the airport already this morning). Just when I thought my long distance phone calls were reduced to almost zero... oh well. Can't complain. hehe.

I'm doing a lot of tying up of loose ends myself lately, life-wise, between events and bumping into old boyfriends. One of the advantages, or disadvantages, of going through a life-changing event (like a divorce, or moving house, or, say, both) is that you (or me, at least) tend to dissect your life. I've discovered a few regrets that, surprisingly, have no bearing on the divorce or my marriage, etc, but were decisions I made way back when I was 17 (yikes. Half my life ago) that completely changed the course of my life. That's not to say I actually regret my life, because I don't. And, while fun to play "what if", that's not what I'm doing, either. I have an overwhelming need to go and apologise to people who've probably forgotten who I am. *grin* It's a lesson I've to learn. Should be fun.

Bring it on.

Hang on. I take that back. The last time I said that, the universe had some fun with me. At least, I hope it had fun. Someone should have fun, and it wasn't me. ;-)

Oooh, the end. Again.

2005-08-02T20:28:00.000+10:00

But I'll only believe it when I have the cheque in my hot little hand. As opposed to my large cold hand, which... sheesh. Where do we get these sayings from anyhow? Like, I'm with Buffy (ie, Joss Whedon) on the "hand over fist" thing. I'm glad I ain't the only one who don't get it. Making money hand over fist. Put your hand over your fist. Does that make any sense to you? No? Nope, me neither.

Any other sayings/catchphrases? Can't think of any right now, but they can be a wee bit confusing. Comes from the oral tradition aspect, I guess. Like fairy tales. Grimm's were... grim. Disney has a lot to answer for.

Holy frijole, but I got off track there. (That saying makes sense, anyways). Er. Made another property/children agreement last week. Orally. It's now in writing and needs to be signed, then it gets lodged with the courts and it's all hunky dorey (hey. A good looking fish?????) But, I'll believe it when I see the signature.

I've been ripped off, and I know it, but I don't care. It's like, pay the man and he'll go away. My dad gets his money back, my mum gets hers and I can end cycle on this whole stupid episode. Clears the brain up a bit.

Busy social calendar this month, and not just for me. This is good. Number 1 son is grounded until mid August (go me!) but Nos 2 & 5 have birthday parties to attend and so do I. # 3 son has cricket sign ups this month; my daughter just had her choir audition. EnV lunch. A very good friend who shares his birthdate with #6 turns THIRTY this year. Good excuse for a party. Old man. Leo. Hair. Gotta love 'em. :-D

Number 1 & 2 sons have girlfriends. They're doing better than I am hehe. # 1 son's is a nice kid, although she does spend an awful lot of time on the phone with me. Which is fine, of course. Her mum's nice too (ironic coincidence there. She divorced an Aries and remarried to a Libra. I divorced a Libra and... er, never mind. Nothing to see here. Go away. I'm over that garbage now).

Had to laugh at my Aussie horoscope (news.com.au) today:

Right now, you are prone to feel vaguely dissatisfied with your personal life, especially the romantic side of it. NO. Really???? Mind you, it's difficult to be dissatisfied at a non-existent entity. Which is satisfactory, really. Too complicated. In social situations, there is an uneasiness or perhaps some sort of minor embarrassment on your part. Yeah, like I seem to have lost my ability to make any sort of conversation, let alone conversation that makes sense. If you do artistic or creative work, you may be more critical of it than usual, feel that it is not well received or appreciated, or simply feel a little dry and uninspired. HA!!! heheheeeee. Without realizing it, you are probably censoring yourself. Perhaps, but I haven't noticed. ;-)

I have noticed, lately, that it's more about what isn't said in the spaces between the noise that's bothering me. Small talk used to come easily to me (my dad was a highish-ranking public servant and I come from a family of intellectuals so I grew up knowing how to make "useless but important" conversation). Now, though, put me in a room full of strangers and I couldn't be bothered. And a room full of friends is worse. Not because I couldn't be bothered, but because I could be. Aquaintances and people I know only a wee bit--easy peasy.

I've been getting back into comp. games lately. Partly because I've been judging the "Writing For Games" competition run by Fantastic Queensland, but also because I realised I hadn't played in a while. A loooong while. And I need some fun in my life at the moment, I've gone all serious and mumsy irritable lately (see Go, me! up there). I pulled out Final Fantasy X and replayed it a few weeks back (That last scene still made me cry. Just a bit). And I went to see a film and noticed that EB was having a sale. And I had money in my purse. And made the mistake of walking into the bloody shop. Idiot. Sheesh.

Actually, not so bad. I picked up Civ III plus both expansions for a steal, and Morrowind for $9.95 (that debuted at $99.00+ when it came out). My comp (probably) won't play MW properly but that's OK, I'm due for a new one. This one's been in the family almost 8 years, with some decent upgrades, of course. It's still a decent machine. But it's getting borderline for new games (It'll do all the Sims with all expansions up to Unleashed, but hangs on Superstar and Sims 2 won't work. All the BG games with expansuions 1 & 2 work fine. No probs with MMs but MM9 has some video card issues. Handles Divine Divinity and Neverwinter Nights just fine, but MW is borderline. When the PC version of Fable comes out, I can fuggeduboudit).

Also picked up Arcanum for a very cheap price, which I'm finding much fun-ness. It's got an annoying interface but once you get used to it you can cope. (Planescape: Torment's was worse). The levelling up is a change for the better, though: it's fairly complex depending on what you want to do, and whether you're playing tech or magick or a class: a cut above the usual "fight beasties, do quests, get points and level up infinitum" crapola that is the norm. You get a maximum of 65 points to use all up, if you get to the maximum level (50), and you can easily botch up what you do with them if you're not careful. Of course, none of this makes sense out of context, but if you want some, just ask. ;-) It's good, a bit different: set in an equivalent of the mid 1800s, with people to meet such as, get this; Edward Teach the sea-captain. Duh. Or, should I say, "Arrrr." Shiver me timbers and get me Johnny Depp.

There's another one. Anyone who knows what that means "shiver me timbers" -- yeah, I get that it's probably a bastardised version of a sea terminology, but first causes, please -- feel free to point me in the right direction, please. In words of one syllable. I'm easily confused lately.

I decided to play this like I'm a D&D RPG computer geek with a problem discerning fantasy from reality (Um. Did I say "like"???). Usually, I play through a game and it's fun but I don't get over heavily into them.

This time, though, I've pointed Beth (yeah, that Beth. I always play Beth. She goes through your socks if you keep her bored for too long. Call her Mary Sue and have done with it, I say) at the game and let her go with it. And she's having fun. I must admit to a small crush on on of the NPC's, though, name o' Virgil. Yeah. I did say 1800s, right? Names like Virgil and Dr. Edmund Craig and Perrriman Smythe and Frederick T. Fitzgerald and Cynthia Wit are peppered throughout. So cool. Well, Virgil calls me Madam and apologises when he swears in front of me. Looks a little like Marcus Graham. There's also a hint of a dark past there, but he's obviously had an epiphany and turned his life around.... and he's there to protect me... er, I mean Beth, from harm's way. Not that I... er, Beth.... need...s protecting. Nice little melee ability happening there. Strong and charismatic is my Mary S..., I mean Beth. But Virgil brings the funny and the healing stuff.

I also have a nifty little dwarf fellow, Magnus, who's a tech specialist and a half Ogre, Sogg, who's perpetually drunk and very strong. And a dog. The dog is very important. His name is Dog. He used to be "Worthless Mutt" but once I stopped some half-arsed halfling kicking it to death (although given the melee skill of this dog I'm surprised the halfling was able to do that, but never let it be said that CRPGs were known for their realistic qualities), he changed it. Dog works.

Oh, and unlike some games I could mention *cough*neverwinternights*cough* you can't just nick people's stuff without being got for it. It sends your alignment through the floor, too, if you steal people's things or kill random villagers. And that is bad, if you're good. You can lose your followers, who tensd towards whatever alignment you are: and some will only join you if you're good, others if you're evil (Virgil starts out neutral: 0. He goes north or south of that depending on what you do). Magnus is good, and I accidentally cklicked on a villager during combat a while back. He throws out chiding comments (as he hacks away at the unfortunate) in a thick Scots brogue: "I don't understand why we're pickin' on such a good sort. I wonna be doin' this fer too much longer." And if we do do this fer too much longer, he gets jack of it and racks off. With whatever stuff he has on him. An' there's no a-gettin' it back, neither, missy.

There's some intelligence to the game, apart from the annoying interface and one of the quests which feature a bunch of supposedly good-aligned halflings indulging in rape, torture, and race-related enslavement, joking about it and NOT BEING ABLE TO KILL THEM FOR IT or in any way free or avenge their female victims without suffering the alignment penalty and screwing the quest. People, not funny. Really. The quest isn't the problem, but the positive alignment figure of the perpetrators is. Sheesh, even the guy in the Boil who just steals for a living and is involved in minor gang warfare gets a minus 10 to thirty-five. You'd think the miniature Ted Bundy impersonators with the genocidal tendancies would at the very least rate a chaotic neutral zero, but no. Good alignment, my Aunt Nellie. Pah.

Gave Beth the irrates too.

It can be amusing at times though. I was seriously considering setting up an Arcanum QOTD script here just for my own amusement but I couldn't be bothered.

I'm starting to get that hang of Civ III too (build cities early and often. Duh!).

I have another one on layby, for when the new comp arrives. But don't tell anyone.

Went to see Monster-in-law last night. Not that fond of Lopez, as a rule; as an actress she makes an excellent singer. Classy perfomance from Jane Fonda, as usual. The character lacked class, but that was the point. And, ohmigosh didn't that remind me a bit of my own MIL. And before anyone accuses me of unwarranted divorce-related ex's family bitchiness, without going into any detail, my MIL was a major reason why I excused the ex his behaviour for so long. She's a nightmare, in all honesty. I don't much blame her, either, but she is what she is and it affected the whole shebang, or, at least, provided a handy excuse.

The fiance feller, as written, annoyed me though. The man is supposed to be a sensitive, intelligent, very aware-of-what's-going-on-around-him doctor (he could describe Lopez's eyes down to the last jot and tittle) but he still didn't pick up on what his mother was doing icluding faking--or at least, exaggerating, her medical problems and hiring a waiter to pretend to be her therapist. Wouldn't want him as MY doctor). If he'd (the char, not the actor, who did a good job of what he was given) been written to be a little less sensitive or aware, then it would've worked, but as he was it didn't fly too well: he just came off as a wee bit doughy. Internal inconsistency, and all (even with the "I'm all she has left" lines thrown in). I kept wanting him to actually NOTICE the tension, but no. Wasn't the point of the film, I guess. They made a "mummy's boy" storyline out of a char who wasn't really a "mummy's boy" type. The character of Ruby was fabulous, best one in the film, imo.

Going to see another film sometime this week with a friend I haven't seen in years. He was in Brisbane, and somehow--I don't know--heard I had moved here and spent seventeen hours (all up, he says) on the phone trying to track me down, aware I was divorced (and therefore now "allowed" to see him) but unaware I was back to my maiden name (that he knew me as--I did say YEARS. I think the last time I saw him was my engagement dinner party I put on for the friends the ex wouldn't allow me to invite to the wedding. No, I'm not telling that one; let's just say it wasn't as obvious a pointer to his later behaviour as it now seems; there was, in fact, a very good reason at the time). Methinks he exaggerates. He could've phoned my father, for pity's sake. He's only here for the week for work so we'll see whatever's on when he can get away. The phone call was remarkably good for my ego though.

He's a Taurus. Another bloody horned animal (and in the bull's case I'm going to avoid the rude innuendo that seems to apply with them. Frequently. hehe). Caps, Arians and Taureans. The whole farmyard, right there. Get a Sagg and lets go hunting. Booyeah!

I wonder, briefly and uselessly, if there's any ancient significance to the fact that all the hoofs and horns are fire and earth signs. Probably has to do with the cooking and eating. From the earth we come and to the fire we eat. Ewk. Where the heck did THAT come from? Or, in seriousness, Orion or something. Who knows? (I'm sure someone does. Feel free to tell me if you do).

And why isn't there a chook sign? Hmm?

But enough. If you've gotten this far through my rambling.... WHY??? Surely there are better things to do. :-P

OH! Hope you had fun o/s, Liz. Email me to let me know when you're back. I got my passport application filled out today. STEP ONE. Step Two when I have a spare (haha!) $168-odd to actually pay for it. Soon. Ish. :-)

And the final word, from Arcanum:

"Who am I? WHO AM I? Lukan the Witless! Where I roam, the masses quabble in pertubisiveness and trepidunction!"

Surprisingly edgy lately

2005-07-21T08:40:00.000+10:00

Given that stuff seems to be sorting out, from the whole "wait and see" on the divorce thing to the fact I'm no longer coughing up a lung every time I walk five metres to the fact I'm now 10 full kilos (!!) down, I have been surprisingly (over??) emotional lately.

I could blame the full moon (the second in a row in Cap, ie, a true "blue moon"), along with the fact the moon is closer to the earth now than it is usually -- I have always been a bit susceptible to the whole moon thing (They don't call people "lunatics" for nuthin')... at least two, possibly three, of my kids were, uh... never mind.

Dreaming up a storm, too. Well, no, don't take that too literally: I am not responsible for the rain in Brisbane the last couple of days :-P. Dreams are not helping. Dreams spend too much time in the land of impossibility pretending to be reality for my liking lately.

Pftht.

I've been writing poetry, too. *shudders* Anyone who knows me will know what that means -- my poetry makes Vogon verse seem mild in comparison. Seriously. I am really very bad, especially given that I tend to compare to 2 other people who are actually very good. I don't know if Richard is still writing poetry, but he had some good ones. And Liz, well, I've lauded her before and she tells me off for it, but I'll say it again. I want the talent she has in her little finger, please.

Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! to Sir Tessa on her new job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Booyeah!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, you realise,

2005-07-20T11:42:00.000+10:00

as I just did, that the entire last post was one big self justification.

Yeah.

Saw Mr & Mrs Smith last night. It wasn't quite as awful as I thought it would be.

At It Again

2005-07-17T09:59:00.000+10:00

A friend dropped by on Friday, and the first words out of my mouth were, basically, a justification as to why my house was in a mess and I was playing on my PS2 instead of doing something useful.

I mean, don't I learn?

Again, I realised MUCH later what I was doing.

Apart from the fact that my house, actually, wasn't in that much of a mess, all things considered (ie, clean but untidy... and all of the "untidy" was due to the fact that I had a 3 year-old on a rampage that day, and after spending the moring picking up after it, I relaised it was a pointless exercise--it could wait until that night when he went to his father's). Basically, my 3rd son had left his clothes on the floor of his room, and there were Mister 3 yo's toys on the floor of the lounge (he was using them) and a pile of formerly folded clothes on the floor of my room which I had decided could wait until later, the house was OK. Oh, and there was some washing up to do, like, 3 plates and a saucepan or something.

Point is, said friend is not an exemplary housekeeper either (sorry, Scott, but it's true), and that's never bothered me when I've popped by there.

So I'm still reacting to my ex. Sigh. Thought I was done with that. Lizard brain -- ain't it fun? I spent so much time having to explain everything I did, from whether I wanted to go somewhere or whether the house was messy or what-have-you to whether I wanted to study or see a friend or blahblah taht it's a habit now.

So, notice to any friends and family who feel like coming past (yes, Nicky, I know what you're going to say :-P):

1. Pop by whenever you like. I may feed you, I may not. Depends on what's in the house. The house is OPEN.

2. The house may, or may not, be in a mess, depending on what sort of week I've had. Or whether I just feel like a day off (likely, not. Actually, only if Scott's decided to come by. Then you can bet your bottom dollar I've decided to do frumpy ;-) ). I have many children. I write, or would like to, more often. This means something has to give. This means my kitchen floor may need to be mopped. This means I may not vacuum every day (although with 6 kids you need to). I will not be explaining myself. Don't worry, though, I will not be breeding salmonella or e. coli.

3. I have children. Get over it. :-P

4. In that note, the kids will talk your ear off for a while. They get excited when people drop by. The 3 yo hasn't learnt how to stop talking when he should, yet. But the more he sees people, the less excited he'll be and the more "who cares?" he'll be. Then he'll go and do his own thing. He has also learned push-ups. Ha ha.

5. I will remind myself of the fact that I don't need to defend myself 100% of the bloody day. Kick me if I forget. Gently.

Yes, the above was more for my benefit than yours. I already know you know. (See, Nicky? :-P)

But enough about my crap.

When Sean Williams was down to tutor for Clarion, he forced us all to watch a Bill Bailey DVD. Yes, Sean is cruel, mean and.... nah, kidding. That man is funny. (I mean Bill, not Sean... although Sean is also funny, in a Sean sort of way and... you know what I mean). Anyhows.... I finally got around to watching the first disc in season one of Black Books (which, for anyone who doesn't know, Bill Bailey is in). Oh My Great Aunt Laura I was very hugely amused for a very long time.

Good one, Sean.

Oh, and for anyone who doesn't already know, Sean is our Australian Guest of Honour for the 2006 SF NatCon, ConJure, to be held in Brisbane, for which I am the overall programming director, in concert with Cory Daniells (panels), Rob Hoge (short story com and readings) and Rob Dobson (movies). So we want your suggestions, for this is YOUR con! Pop over to the website and email me your questions, comments and desires.

Umm, that would be those relating to the Con, of course. ;-)

Er. Bye. I am going to go and finish the washing, and I think I'll play on the PS2. All day. HA.

(You may notice that I'm doing the washing, too. This avoids the guilt thing.... *blush*)

Oh, side note, for those who are keeping track (hi dad!), I am now at a quarter of the weight I need to lose, off. Wait, that didn't make sense. I mean, I've lost a quarter of the excess I need to lose. 9 kilos down, 28-odd to go. I celebrated by going out and indulging in Baskin's (kidding! hehe hee). And that was without actually trying. Wonder what'll happen if I make an actual effort. :-)

Sounds like one of my logical threads....

2005-07-14T08:37:00.000+10:00

Jon Cainer had a nice 'scope for the Arians today, which I found highly amusing because it sounds like the sort of argument I tend to have with myself fairly regularly. You know, internal blahblah.

"Tea for two. Two for tea. Me for you. You for me." Etc. But even here, in this glorious musical depiction of cosy coupledom, there is an implied point of conflict. How do we know that both parties don't really, secretly, want coffee? What if person A thinks that person B prefers tea and is thus, reluctantly, proffering that beverage? What if person B privately prefers the notion of coffee (just as person A does) but now feels obliged to say yes to the tea?

Of course, in Cainer's case, the message is summed up as "Just HOW good is the communication between you and you-know-who?". In my case, it ends up being a conversation with friends that goes something like:

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What do you want to do?"

"I really don't mind. You choose."

"I don't care. YOU choose."

"I don't know. What would you prefer to do?"

etc.

I realised after getting off the phone with D & N the other day (yes, I'm changing subject now. Keep up), that I still have some issues with the need to self-justify. I decided to have a dinner party. For most people, that means you decide to have a dinner party, invite your guests and do what you do. In my case, it ended up being a half hour on the phone, trying to explain exactly WHY I felt the need to do so, why it was not actually selfish of me to want to have guests, etc. I didn't even realise until that night what I was doing.

I have a ways to go. It has to do with 15 years of being made to feel guilty if I ever did anything that was even remotely fun (as in, the ex always did say I was much prettier when I was miserable. Apparently, it does something "lovely" to my eyes. That was, I might add, the only unsolicited compliment I ever received from him in all that time). You know, win a car, get told off. The only hobby I was allowed was one I could do inside the house (it took him a long time to break me on that one--I get too restless and irritable if my brain and body are too idle--but it did happen. First thing I did when he moved out was lease a horse)... but even then, we'd gotten to the point where the computer was a point of contention because it was the only social outlet I had.

I'm still not exactly sure how I managed to wrangle once-a-month Vision meetings after we moved up here. I think, iirc, I couched it in "writing as a possible source of income" terms.

Reminds me of when I was first separated, I was talking to my DV caseworker and mentioned a male name (hi Trevor!). I then spent 10 minutes explaining to her that he was only a friend, etc, until she finally stopped me. "Heather," she said, "It is none of my business what sort of relationship you have with Trevor or anyone else. You don't need to justify your friendships any more. In fact, if you want to go and bonk the entire Brisbane Broncos [my immediate thought: eeeeeeeeewwwwwww], so long as it doesn't affect your kids, it's no one's business. Especially his."

I don't really think she meant me to go do the newly divorced promisculity thing, but the message got through.

But anyway....

The propert agreement fell through. I should have expected that. H now wants double -- oh, but in return, he'll see the kids more. In other words, "Heather, pay me to see my own children." My irascible response would be "Tell you what, how about I DON'T pay you and you don't see the kids?" Sheesh. Can't have it both ways.

Of course, I'm not quite that stupid. Or, as a point of fact, that much of a cow. Sigh, and carry on, as they say. He'll get sick of the game eventually. My solicitor's working on it.

Mind you. I am starting (!!) to wonder about the man's, er, brain. And reasonaing capacity. I told him as he was picking up the 3 younger kids this weekend, knowing he was planning on taking them bush-walking, that # 5 son had the tail end of an ear infection so it would be a good idea if they stayed inside and kept the ear warm & out of the wind, etc, ie, not to go bushwalking, please. (He was back at school and OK inside but every break -- when they go outside -- was making the ear hurt).

So he took them swimming instead. On a day when it was so cold up here that I thought I was back in Canberra. The ambiant temp was OK, but the bloody wind chill.... Oh. My. Great. Aunt. Laura. I got the heater out, even.

End result? One very sick and sore-eared 6 year-old who had yet another day off school on Monday.

Can you say: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH???????????????

To his credit, I suppose, he didn't take them bush walking.

:-
Been a busy week, kid-wise. # 3 son represented his school in district athletics yesterday. Unfortunately, he hurt himself on the 100m and came last in his heat (he's OK though, just corked it), and got 7th out of about 20 kids in the long jump. Wooloowin fielded a small team, about 15 kids -- there were other schools there with e-NOR-mous teams that took it all very seriously. #5 son (Master 6 :-D), got his second "Student of the Week" award last week, and #1 son has (woohoo!) 1. independently decided to actually study this semester, and 2. agreed to be my partner in some ballroom dancing classes. Happily, even. Cool bananas. So, #1 will be doing that, #3 starts cricket in late August and my daughter will be starting violin lessons soon. And hopefully drama with the after-school mob at Wooloowin. # 2 is extra-curricularless. He's talented art-wise and writing-wise so we'll see how he goes.

Good news: can almost hear properly again, and my voice is almost back, so a certain promised phone call should be forthcoming soon, Liz. :-) Hehe. I'll let you decide whether that's a Good Thing or not.

This says it all (for now)

2005-07-06T08:47:00.000+10:00

I don't really need to say much, Jon Cainer pretty well covers it:

There may be hope on the horizon but the horizon doesn't seem to be getting any closer - no matter how tirelessly you run towards it. Much the same can be said about your overall state of emotional stability. You know how things ought to be. You can even see how, in theory, it should be possible to make them that way. Yet... where's the progress?

Yeah. That says it all. And it's the dark of the moon. And I'm tired.

The rest:

Cheer up. Your outlook will radically improve with regard to both inner and outer security. You'll soon be feeling much more enthusiastic... for a good reason.

One can hope so! Enthusiasm is pretty hard to come by at the moment. I'm still pneumonic and Master 6 has an ear infection, the poor little blighter woke up last night in quite some pain... and he tells me it didn't even hurt when he went to bed. He's had a rough trot lately too... must be a Capricorn thing (he is also a Cap, like me; our birthdays are exactly a week apart. And he's just like a cute little old man sometimes! He has a sagg rising though, which makes him... er... talkative). Sleep hard to come by lately. I feel like just playing on the PS2 all day or something ridiculous.

I did end up going to EnVision, thanks to my mum and Cory Daniels and her daughter) bailing me out, babysitting-wise. Thankyou so much mum. And Cory has gone above and beyond for me, more than once. I hope I have a book to publish so I can write that very public thankyou soon. :-D

Proper update when I actually have a brain.

Looking on the bright side

2005-06-22T11:30:00.000+10:00

"It is an ill wind that does nobody any good," as they say.

As a result of not being so well, I am 6 kilos lighter than I was a week and a half ago (not including the 2 kilo fluid/glycogen store that will go back on the minute I start eating normally again). 6 kilos of fat--an almost noticeable amount on my hefty frame. Liz, I'm now about a kilo lighter than when you last saw me, just fyi.

Not that I can say I look alot different, although my daughter (aged 8) did come home Sunday night and said seriously, "Mum. You've got to look after yourself. You're losing weight too quickly."

I must say I agree with her, but I'm not exactly trying to drop weight. It's just happening as a side effect of my body regularly raising its temperature (and therefore, its metabolic rate), to try and counter this bloody infection.

And, as I said to her, it's for times like these our body stores the fat in the first place. For the first time in many years, it's actually doing what it's supposed to in a "crisis": it's utilising its stored resources instead of trying to out-source for more (ie, I am not overly hungry, except I'm craving fresh citrus, mandarines, in particular).

All in all, it's probably a Good thing that I can't go to EnV (even though doc says, so long as I'm rugged up, it'd probably do me some good). This is now purely bacterial, and the virus that started it all is going around (as in, everyone's had it), but I'd hate to pass it on. Last year, I had a gosh-awful cough as well, which actually wasn't the result of a cold at all but had to do with that heart thing I mentioned a while back, but just about everyone got sick afterwards, and guess who got the finger pointed at them? there were, in fact, others there who weren't well but they were quieter about it hehe.

I'm not actually on antibiotics at the moment, mostly because the "yllin" they wanted to give me rendered me practically incoherent the last time I took them and one of the known side effects is suicidal depression (strong medication, apparently). My doctor seems to think that would be too much of a risk in my case. I mean, hey! I'm not suicidal! I haven't even got to "depressed" yet! Well, no, doc concedes, but these things might just put you there, all things considered. Fair enough. Back when my ex had a major infection, he was given the same meds. He ended up breaking down--literally--at work on the things.

And the penicillan group not for me, either. They always give me a rash. Turns out, just like number 2 son, I'm mildly allergic. Who knew? And anything else is too mild and wouldn't work so would just add to the "superbug" problem. Despite the fact I've taken one batch of antibiotics on the last ten years (and that batch didn't work, anyway), its the fact that antibiotics used to be handed out like lollies that have rendered them majorly useless now. So I actually don't mind not taking them. I've never liked taking them, so it's nice to have a couple of "excuses" not to *big grin*

But back to my rapidly shrinking torso. I thought it was muscle mass, or at least partly, but it seems not. All three "usual" measurements (waist, hip, bust) are good points to check for weight loss because in very overweight people that is where most of the fat resides. I still can't "see" any loss, so I pulled out the tape measure. Well, at least I know, now, why my pants don't fit any more. The scales haven't lied. Since Saturday week ago, I have lost 5 cms off my hip measurement, 4 cms off my waist measurement and 1 cm off my bust measurement (which means, effectively, my body's been scavenging belly fat, I reckon. Not to mention that all this coughing is like doing constant tummy crunches. Ouch). I am now 29 kilos off my goal weight (and before anyone gasps at the "to go" amount, that would take me to a healthy, heaviest weight-for-height for someone of my bone structure, around size 14).

On clothing sizes, though, I do have a bone to pick. I mean, apart for the fact that there is very little good quality, inexpensive clothes for anyone over a size 16 around, never mind the fact that most of the female population in this country is a size 14 or higher, once you do get to the bigger sizes, there's an enormous (s'cuse the pun) gap between sizes. Down in the 12s, 14s, etc, there's a 5cm measurement jump between sizes, but when you get up to size 18, there's a 15cm difference betwen size 18 and size 20. What that means is, when you do lose weight, you're stuck with baggy clothes that are way too big or a size that looks like you're trying too hard because it's just that little bit too tight yet. I actually fit comfortably into those size 18 pants now. But they sure don't look comfortable on me, because they're still visually tight across the derrierre.

Hmm. I could get obsessive about this.

Warning...

2005-06-22T10:08:00.000+10:00

mini-rant ahead....

I got desperate. I rang the ex's employer again (he'd previously said that the ex hadn't asked for leave... oh. Should mention that the reason the ex is giving for refusing to take the kids, at least to the kids, is that he "can't" get leave) and begged him to consider letting the ex have a few days off so he could see his kids. I should also mention that I know the ex's boss socially-ish, or I wouldn't do that. It's a measure of the desperation I felt at the time, as well, I guess. Well, the ex's boss said that they had, in fact, discussed it, and that he couldn't see his way clear to give the ex time off work. He just can't spare him right now.

I mean, huh????

Of course, it is true that men have trouble getting leave for their children: that's still considered "mum's job". Australia Post had an entrprise bargaining agreement not too long ago that scrapped paternity leave all together for some other useless thing (I think it was something for the games room). I think it sucks, myself. If we live in a truly equal society, how can we scrap paternity leave whilst extending maternity leave? It's sexist, that's what it is.

And ask any mother with half a brain and a good husband/partner what she would prefer: an extra 4 week's maternity leave on half pay or four weeks paternity leave for hubby to come home and help with the baby/other siblings/bond with his new kids/etc and what do you think we're going to answer? "Uh, yeah. I'd rather do this on my own on half-pay, thanks."

For the record, I hate the term "reverse sexism". It's "sexist" if we give preferential treatment to someone because they're male, but "reverse sexist" if we give preferential treatment to someone because they're female? Nope, you give preferential treatment to anyone because of their gender, no matter what that gender is, it's sexism. Just like "racism" applies to all races (yup, even if the target of that racism is white).

If women can get time off work because their kids are sick, etc (and granted, many women have a lot of difficulty with this, and I think it's partially because they're the ones that always have to take the time off, the hubby isn't), then men should be able to as well. Or at least make sure that they can't be fired if they take LWOP to assist a sick relative.

But... on another front: if it is true that the ex couldn't get time off work, why didn't he just say so? Something like, "Gee, Heather, I'm sorry about this, but I just can't get leave" would've been much less confrontational than "I'm not going to let you use me as a babysitter." (This same man who claims his role as "father" is being usurped by his bitch ex-wife relegates himself to that role of "forced babysitter" whenever it suits him to do so).

I'm not perfect, but I have to ask: what on earth did I do to that man so long ago that was so awful he not only singled me out to lie to, use and abuse, but that he uses up so much energy being so nasty? More than it would take to be pleasant? It doesn't make any sense. I have never deliberately tried to hurt him (and yes, that is honest. I never have). I have hurt him, no doubt (even in the most balanced, good relationships, couples will inadvertantly hurt each other), but not as a deliberate, vindictive act. I've been tempted to, believe me, but I just believe there are certain lines you don't cross, no matter what.

Oh, well. You get to a point where you go, "fine. *cough, hack* Enough already. *snort* You win. Broke me. *cough, cough* No can I please just get some time to get over my pneumonia on doctor's orders????"

But then, you get accused of being melodramatic.

Whatever.

Oh! The good news is... late last Friday, after I'd made my other post, my solicitor called.

"We have decided to accept your client's offer of $xx,xxx"

And in a sentence, it is finished. The property bit, anyhow. But there's an example of how he spent so much energy trying to make it hard on me that he made it more difficult on himself. That offer (and, hehe, MY offer??? See, I told you that letter they sent 3-ish weeks ago was familiar) was identical to the one that he should've taken 2 and a half months ago. He's spent that time trying to, basically, starve us out so he could get more--none of which (including what he will get) he is legally entitled to. All I can say is thank God for good friends, a helpful mother and bank errors in my favour, or it would've worked.

And do I feel triumphant? Vindicated? Even relieved? Nope. Just sad, as a whole. In any relationship where power games are the go, there's no such thing as a "win-lose" scenario.

If both halves of a couple, marriage, friendship, business partnership, etc., aren't 100% committed to "win-win", then it's always "lose-lose".

Well, the active detox didn't last long

2005-06-17T08:19:00.000+10:00

I think I left it too long to start. Unfortunately, I came down with a fever last weekend -- a new virus for this household, sigh -- it took 3 days to go away and now the last 6 months have caught up with me in a big way, as I now have low-grade pneumonia. Mind you, this also means I'm not able to keep much solid food down anyhows, and I'm still not drinking coffee or putting any other garbage into my mouth, for obvious reasons, so I guess I'm detoxing -- very quickly -- by default. I've lost 4 kilos this week (3kilos would be fluid).

Don't like to complain, but it's been a difficult week. Very close to hospitalisation this week. Very close to just throwing in the towel and moving to Tibet this week. But that would just be silly.

But, anyhow. Now, I shall go and castigate Number 2 son (again) for the comment "don't worry, mum, it can't get any worse". ;-)

Oh, and on the ex front, his "offer" -- is it 3 weeks ago now? -- well, can't accept it, reject it, or whatever. His solicitor won't even talk to mine. Why? *shrugs* Who knows.

And after sending a very rude letter demanding that he have the kids for a week in the school holidays, he's now refusing to take them at all. Why? Apparently, he found out I am... what is it? "taking advantage of him" -- by arranging to actually do something with myself (in this case, EnVision), while he has the kids. Apparently, I'm not supposed to "use" him as a babysitter. I'm supposed to "sit at home or go to work" when he has the kids, not "use" him "to develop my personal social life". Never mind the fact that I only decided to do EnV because he'd demanded to have the kids and I thought I'd be free, and it's a professional development course! (yes, those quotes are from him, directly).

Why am I not surprised???

Awards all round

2005-06-15T07:52:00.000+10:00

Been a productive weekend, really, awards-wise.

The Clarion South team (Rob H, Rob D, Kate and me) won a Ditmar at the NatCon for professional achievement. The Ditmars are the Australian equivalent of the Hugos, and it's a Big Deal. The only other really, really prestigious award in Australia for SF would be the Aurealis Awards, but to put it in movie parlance, the AA's would be like the AFI awards while the Ditmars would be sort of equivalent to the Logies.

Also, my uncle Bill was on the honours list for the Australian Queen's Birthday w/e. Pretty cool, really. Congrats, Bill!

There is a reason you shouldn't detox after a cold

2005-06-12T07:41:00.000+10:00

and I knew what I was getting into, but, sheesh. I didn't realise my body could produce so much phlegm. I feel like an ex-smoker, honestly.

Which is good, means the detox is working (and the headachey stuff is mostly gone today, thank goodness), but all this healthy stuff is making me feel like a worn-out rag. ;-) The good news about this is, I went to bed by 8.30 last night, and slept through. I think I needed that. I rarely sleep more than 6 hours a night, usually less. I'm glad this isn't an "extreme" detox though (ie, juice fast) because I'd be feeling very sick right now. Basically, all I've done is cut out the caffeine, sugar, wheat products and meat and added fresh fruit and veggie juice, upped the amount of vegetable material I'm eating (especially of the "superfood" variety: broccoli, spinach, beetroot, garlic, carrots, berries, papaya, etc) and some supplements. Note for anyone planning to do this: I know what I'm doing (I'm a qualified herbalist although I've only ever used that for myself), please don't try this unless you've done your research or under supervision of someone who has, get a full medical check up first, and don't try to detox if you're pregnant or breastfeeding, diabetic, or have kidney or liver disease, or recovering from a severe illness or operation, or if you're coming off alcoholism or drugs (without allowing some "clean" time to elapse first--at least 6 months clean). Just thought I'd mention that.

My laryngitis has cleared up, though. All that is left is the croakiness from the coughing.

Out of curiosity, I stood on the scales this morning: I've taken off about 2kgs of fluid all up, so my measured weight now matches the measured tape measure. Or something. Whatever.

Day 2 of detox is a "gentle" day, and I fully expect to maximise on the gentle. I had planned to spend the day writing, but my head is mush right now, I can't even concentrate enough to read (this is normal for a detox. Actually, it's normal for me).

Yesterday, I spent most of the afternoon on the phone, which was nice (right up until I had to rush off because I couldn't stop coughing on phone call # 2. I don't think I need to say any more about that. Urgh).

Got an SMS from Rob H, who is in in Tassie at the NatCon, last night -- Clarion South won a Ditmar. How cool is that. :-D

Detox

2005-06-11T09:20:00.000+10:00

I've spent the last couple of days coming down, as they say, from coffee. Got down to one cup in the am yesterday and having the first day without today. The headache's already starting, but I think that's mostly because I'm expecting one. hehe.

I figured, since I seem to be taking off a wee bit of hip, I might spend this Queen's birthday long weekend doing a detox. I definitely need a health boost: moving house (stirring up all sorts of dust and pathogens) and the whole swag of new virii you get when you move to a new area, as well as the stress of, well, the last 2 years, at least, has left me somewhat depleted. So, it's, get the housework done early today (almost done) and then spend the rest of the weekend bludging. The only other important thing I have to do this weekend is receive a phone call. :-D :-D

I was going to go down to Tassie for the national convention this weekend, but circumstances (less said...) didn't allow. Probably a Good Thing; spending the weekend boosting the health instead of going to a NatCon (famous for lack of sleep for varying different reasons) -- probably better for me. I've noticed the walking I've been doing has locked me up a bit, so I'll have to spend some time working on my flexibility from now on *grin*

I've finished the part of the ms I was writing for EnVision, I might spend the weekend getting stuck into the books Sean sent me. Whoot!

Funny how the collective unconscious works

2005-06-08T10:15:00.000+10:00

One disadvantage of taking a long time to get a piece of work done (say, a novel) is that you keep seeing bits of what you've already written all over the place. I don't think this is because of plagiarism, conscious or unconscious, but simply because "there is nothing new under the sun." Jung's collective unconscious theorem states that there are certain mythical elements that tend to be repeated, especially in the heroic fantasy-type story, from Ancient Greek mythology to Viking religiosity to Tolkein, because they all had similar elements that resonate within the human unconscious, a consciouness we all share. This goes beyond the Cliche thing, where we repeat the same elements because we know they sell (although they probably sell because those tropes and cliches are so effective at tapping into that; I don't know).

The end result is, especially if you consciously try to tap into these unconscious elements, you often find someone else got there first.

I realised this morning why I liked the song Remember so much, when I googled up the lyrics. There are two passages that are very, very similar to something I wrote for the Beth books almost three years ago. The lyrics are:

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun

I'm with you
Whenever you tell my story
For I am all I've done

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember me

I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky

As long as I still can reach out, and touch you
Then I will never die

Remember, I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me

Remember me...

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me

Remember me
Remember... me...

The passage I've bolded sounded so familiar I checked my Ballads file and found one of the Barethian songs I'd written as a song written in that world by the character Bethía Na'brithrien (yes, that Beth) that had a very similar theme (although it's more a song about her own darkness and loneliness than about remembrance of Achilles. Which would make sense, given that there is no Achilles in my story, but I suppose I didn't really need to say that). The English translation is (it's the second verse that was similar):

Shadows fill my soul
I hear twilight's call
My aching heart cries in darkness:
Banish my sorrow,
Ease this unending, eternal craving.

Shadows fill my dreams
I hear icy whispers
My voices cry between the winds:
Listen to me,
I call across the barren skies.

I'm not sure if I like it much when that happens, because there's so much similarity to a popular song that if I ever do get it out, although it was written before the popular song (as far as I know), being accused of plagiarism is not fun.

Mind you, verse one of the song would appear in this form, if at all:

oretheh hafhíat
ahcadan valet
glaeoveh haf camhan
claithin ía

traeb hafhíat fhareh
dorae cadatha
threh hafhíat cahín
solath mar'cravtha

So I guess it doesn't really matter. But it's always annoying when something you've agonised over ends up almost effortlessly on the hit parade. Sigh. I'm not good at poetry, and making the form fit both languages is a bugger.

Example: the translation of the first four lines up there is:

"my spirit,
shadows fill
call of twilight
I hear."

but the literal translation is:
"spirit [lit. life spirit within] of-me
shadows [competely] fill.
[overwhelming] call of twilight
hear I."

Not exactly poetic, really.

So I go for:

Shadows fill my soul
I hear twilight's call

Which kind of carries the intent, if you marry it to the other lines (you know, "aching" and "darkness") while at least trying for some sort of English poetical form.

I suppose translaters throughout history have had the same problem. Some of the beautiful, beautiful Scots Gaelic songs completely lose all meaning and resonance when translated into English. The Bible reads better in Greek -- English, for all its wordiness, can take many words to say very little (you may have noticed that on this blog, hehe), whereas one Greek word can mean entire English sentences. An example would be the word translated "to perish" in some parts of the NT, when referring to punishment. It actually means, "to perish, and go on perishing, to always be perishing", I suppose, spiritually.

Another one would be the word translated "witch". It's actually the word we get "pharmaceutical" from, and literally means "poisoner" or "murdering drugger" and has nothing to do with "sorcery" or "magic", which, actually, Scripture only has a problem with when it is used to deceive, or pass off as a "miracle" (I guess the blokes who translated for James VI/I figured "witch" would do, given that hedge witches and midwives--most "witches" who were burned at the stake were midwives, never mind that Scripture itself is very supportive of feminine midwifery--used herbs as medication and birth aids. After all, you only had to look at his mother, Mary Queen of Scots, who was reviled at that time as a "witch" and traitor to James' own crown, through his predecessor Elizabeth. You could, logically, equally say "Thou shalt not suffer a pharmacist to live" as "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Political translations. I wish people would actually check the veracity of their source material before quoting it. Sheesh. But I digress again).

Yet for all its ubiquity, our "emotional" words lack something. Take the word "love", for example. When you say "I love you" you can be talking to anyone or anything from pancakes to chocolate to your mum to your first lover. You say to someone "I like you," and you end up having this whole confusing conversation that goes something like,

"You like me? Do you mean like like or just, like?"

"I don't know. What do you mean by like like? Is that, like, like as a friend, like as more than a friend but less than in love yet or are we just best friends now? Or do you really mean you love me but you can't say it? Give me some perametres, here."

"No, I mean, I really like you."

"Really? So, does that mean we're just friends or is this going somewhere? Do you mean, 'you really like me, but...'?"

"No,I really, really like--oh, forget it."

Etc.

One of my friends and I had this conversation a couple of years ago, and we decided the best way to get around that is to say to someone, when you're getting to the "affectionate feelings for just a friend" thing (especially if of different genders, which can get awkward otherwise sometimes), you say "I am SO in friend with you." Then everything you say that involves the word "love" after that, both of you know means "just friends" and there's no misunderstandings of the crushy type. Of course, that also means being prepared to 'fess up if the circumstance changes, and isn't always effective. The (male) friend involved thought for quite some time I had a crush on him because I just went my merry "just friends but very affectionate" way. That was funny for a while, once I clued in. I teased him about it for months. He got very panicked there for a while. I'm the evil twin, really.

Scots Gaelic has at least seven different words for love. They WAY outweigh the so-called "language of love", who have a similar problem to English: you say je t'aime (I like you) or je t'adore (I love you), whether you're speaking to your mother, your dog, or your life partner. Scots, on the other hand, has a word for lust, another one for love to a spouse, another one for love to a best friend, etc. I guess it makes sense, the Highlanders were perilinear (they counted descent from mum equally important to descent from dad: women kept their maiden names when they married, which I must admit can be a right pain when tryiong to track down family trees) so I guess more emotional nuances made their way into the language.

I think Scots Gaelic is more romantic than French (although admittedly harder to learn and bizarre to the English ear). "I love you" in Scots is Tha gaol agam ort, which, uh, sounds better than it reads using English phonetics (eg, the first word, "Tha" is pronounced approximately "ha"). That actually means, sort of, "Love is at me-on you." If you think about that for a while, it's quite profound.

Mind you, they don't have any straight words for a simple "yes" or "no", but you can't have everything.

I've done a similar thing with Barethian. I like emotional nuance, and that is an undercurrent of what the book is about, anyhow, and language is a very important plot point, as well as a catalyst for some of the events within the story. I mean, the first thing you do when trying to oppress a people, if actual genocide doesn't work, is to impose a cultural genocide, and that often starts with the language.

So, in Barethian, you can say "I love you" the following ways (using the verb conjugates differently for you, you (plural), they, we, he, she, it so I'm only giving the "I" example).

The í is a vowel used for a sound that approximates a short i sound (as in "his") with an exhaled breath at the front, not quite as strong as an h but stronger than nothing (I write it "hee" because "hi" has a long i sound in English). Vowels are always pronounced separately except the phoneme "ae" which is like "ay" except softer. Barethian is very soft. a is always sounded like "ah", (like, the "augh" in the Australian pronounciation of "laugh", and never like the a in "cat") except, softer.

tha grav ía [thah grahv hee.a] - to an object such as pancakes
tha horav ía [thah hor-ahv hee.a] - lit, worship, as in a deity
tha laean ía [thah lay-ahn hee.a] - to a lover or spouse ONLY, never used lightly
tha saerc ía [thah say-ehrc hee.a] - the verb "to love", referring to friends who are close, but not necessarily your "best" friend. Stronger than "like", but not intimate.

English-to-Barethian:

love 1. laean - (the emotion: ONLY as in "I love you" to a spouse, etc, or strong soul love for a bond partner)
2. saerc - love a person, friend, family only, stronger than "like", has affection for
3. grav - love an object, as in "I love pancakes"
4. inthlanan - to make love
5. nethria - love, honey pet name, to friends and family
6. horav - worship a deity
etc.

Pet names for those you love include:

annsa [ahn-sah] - dear, beloved, said to close friends and family only.
chíara [kh.hee-ah-rah] - best friend, close friend, love, mate (in a very strong platonic friendship).
laeannan [lay-ahn-ahn] - lover, sweetheart, only to spouse or lover.
nethria [neth-ree-ah] - to good friends (this is also the literal word for "honey", as in, the stuff the bees make).

That was your first Barethian lesson, too, folks. ;-)

I don't know why I do that to myself, but it's fun. Maybe I do it because it's fun.

Or maybe it's a form of procrastination. I don't know, but I reckon if I'm not having some fun with the writing thing, then I need to.

I have a JB Hi-Fi near me

2005-06-07T08:24:00.000+10:00

which could be considered a Good Thing or a Bad Thing, depending on the viewpoint.

The Good Thing is, like my DVD hire store, it's within walking distance (about 1 1/2 kms the other way), so I make a pact with myself to only go there if I walk (no buying anything allowed if I take the car). I have the same pact with myself when it comes to hiring DVDs. No hiring anything if I drive there, although returns obviously OK. ;-)

So the weekend was a good walk, actually. A film I had ordered came in, so I walked down to JB, up to Blockbusters, then home. Unfortunately, I felt sort of drained by the time I got home, as I'm having a second round of that cold we all had. Not as bad as the first time round, but enough that a 5km walk hurt a bit by the time I got home, you know, breathing-wise.

Bad Thing is, well, it's within walking distance. I could be bothered walking there but not taking the car. I'm not a shop-a-holic type: I'm not into "retail therapy" and am not big on shoes. If I need an item of clothing, I have a fair idea of what I need, go in, grab the closest to it if they have it, leave. Er, after paying for it. That's very important. My feet hate me because I tend to buy cheap shoes (fact is, I'd rather go barefoot most days). And this is not just because I'm not exactly a clothes-horse, either. I was the same when I was a size 10 (for about a week, before I fell pregnant with my first. I still have that dress. It will probably never fit again. I had to be almost anorexic-skinny to be size 10. I'm a comfortable 14 hip, 12 waist at my fittest without getting into scrawny realm). Thing is, I've never gotten the whole mad for clothes thing. Once you have enough to change your underwear every day, why do you need more?

I do have my weaknesses, though. Books, music, plants, candles. I can resist DVDs, unless it's something I'd really like. On the up side, I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to walk past the Lifeline bookstore almost every day without being pulled inside. On the down side, well, there was one of those on-table book sales in Lutwyche centro last week, and I had money in my pocket... yikes. In my defence, the prices were, like, one tenth of retail, and there was one book on the Byzantines that I really, really liked. Ok, maybe a third of retail.

I tend to indulge the first and last ones (within reason), because, books, you know, educational (hence my tendency to feel less guilty if I buy non fic). Candles, you know, nice soft environmental light and smelly calm smells. Sanity is very important. Music I will resist unless I have spare money (rarely) and plants I haven't been buying for a while, but now have a whole justification for it: the alternative is bare, weedy dirt at my front door.

On books, the wonderful, lovely Sean Williams sent me his "The Change" trilogy, comprised of the Stone Mage and the Sea, The Sky Warden and the Sun and The Storm Weaver and the Sand. Buy it, peoples. I tucked into the first one last night (although I really shouldn't have; I was supposed to be writing a synopsis), although I had to prise it out of the fingers of my 10 year-old first. He's also co-authored the evergence trilogy with Shane Dix, and has written in the Star Wars universe as well.

Music, I think I've mentioned I like soundtracks, partly because I enjoy instrumental music, and partly because soundtracks make an effective background noise to writing (listen to Gladiator or Last of the Mohicans if you want to write a fight scene. Trés effective. If I see a film and the music strikes me, I'll try and get a copy, if I remember, even if I don't like the film (easier if I do like the film because I remember what its name is, hehe). JB is in the middle of a sale, too. Sigh. So when I went down to pick up the movie I ordered, I ended up bringing home a copy of the Troy soundtrack as well. I love that song that plays in the credits: Remember, performed by Josh Grobin and Tania Tzarovska (who also does the female vocals throughout the score, if my ears are working correctly). I actualy didn't mind the film, but then I'm not pedantic with my Ancient Greek mythology (unlike, say my mediaeval history).

The first item on the score is called 3200 Years Ago but listening to it actually gives me a good picture of a scene I was writing for a sci-fi project I'm working on at the moment (yes, gasp and look shocked. I am writing a sci fi book. No unicorns in sight. It's not actually my fault, though. It's not actually, originally, my idea. Joint effort. Be afraid. Be very afraid).

Plants. Went to pick up the jasmine polyanthum I ordered from the nursery. Honestly, told my kids I would be in and out, just to pick up a single plant. I ended up with four, including the jasmine. I should know better. Well, I needed a bay tree. And I got 2 small pots of black mondo grass for the final touch on my front garden.

Which needs water. Excuse me. :-)

Email problems

2005-06-06T20:40:00.000+10:00

Yeah, the title says it. I thought these had been fixed, but apparently not. It turns out that at least two people have sent rather important emails to me in the past couple of weeks that I haven't received, and this is a long, ongoing saga I have with froggy, who is about to be given the flick, hopefully for broadband, if it's not too $$$

What can I say, email hasn't been my highest priority lately. It's one of those things I've put off until after the divorce, moving, blah blah blah. Think I won't wait.

Basically, if you send me an email that needs an answer, and I haven't responded within, let's say, 2 days (at current answer rates), then please presume I'm not ignoring you: I didn't get it. I don't just ignore people, even if there's nothing to say, I'll often send a ":-)", mostly because this is a long-term problem. Alternatively, I did send you a response, but you didn't get mine. If you really need me, SMS or phone. The mobile's always on.

I am definitely receiving emails from the yahoo lists I'm on, as well as comments that come through this site. I have known problems with any ISP that is owned by IINET (who owns froggy), including whale-mail and their other subsidiaries. Optus can bounce back as spam from my ISP, as will some hotmail and yahoo addies (although, for some reason, not all of them and not all of the time). This has been a problem ever since the ISPs blanket-installed SpamCop. The trouble is, while most good ISPs allowed the end-user to regulate their own spam filter, froggy won't let you do that, so even the Qld Red Cross server mail won't get to me most of the time (I had at one time last year 2 different people sending from the same RC office, and I rarely received their emails).

The real problem is, that emails won't bounce back, usually. They just don't get delivered to me, and the sender doesn't get a "bounce", so we're all in the dark until someone casually asks, "did you get my email about...?" and I'm like, "no? Did you get mine?" "No?". I feel very unreliable because of it though. (What can I say, I'm female, I'm a mother, I've been a fundamentalist Christian and gome through that DV thing: I have guilt issues. Honestly, it's almost gotten to the point where I'm about to blame myself for the Crusades. I should never have gone to see Kingdome of Heaven).

This is a very on=off thing (the email problems, not the guilt), I have a friend in Finland who some emails come through, sometimes when they all do and then there are long periods where emails just don't get through either way. There seems to be a size correlation there, but not always (It's the "but not always" thing that always stumps me). I know I was having problems last week because I received a response to one of his emails (sent to a group of us) when I hadn't seen his email... although the email he originally sent that had already been answered and then that answer had been answered by me, arrived two days later.

On the up side, knowing that there is this problem can save a bit of heart wrench. I sent a long rambling email with to a friend a while back (no, not the one I sent you, Edi, don't worry :-D) that wasn't responded to, so I choose to think it was froggy's fault, not a symptom of impending non-friendness. ;-)

Froggy. Great in the garden. Sucky at computers.

Well, the roses are in

2005-06-02T07:41:00.000+10:00

:-D

Very weird day yesterday. Got a call from my solicitor and it seems that my ex has withdrawn the very rude, unpleasant "offer" (which involved items such as him wanting more cash than he would be entitled to even if he'd contributed to the household over the last 2 years, oh, but only if I go out and get a job so he doesn't have to pay any child support first. So, he'll only consider taking my money off me if I get a job and put the 3 1/2 year-old in a non-existent daycare spot? Yeah, that's an incentive ;-) Sheesh, even the Federal govnt doean't expect me to do that until the youngest is 6 and in school). His replacement offer was, shall we say.... very familiar.

I decided to just go with it. *rolls eyes* No point keeping the vengeance demon occupied, even though I was tempted to just say, "screw him, he can fight for it," for about 3 seconds. It's only money.

So, basically, he's going to end up with exactly what I offered in the first place, minus the extra fees he'll have to pay his lawyer for mardi-fardling around for the last 2 months.

That is, of course, if the thinly veiled "this offer is only open if you submit to my demands regarding the children's issues" isn't in play (which it shouldn't be; that's unlawful, but then, that last letter that was sent by his solicitor contained unlawful demands as well, so his lawyer isn't the brightest spark in the AC/DC either). If that's the case, it could drag out for months. I may be cavalier with money, but I will keep my word to the kids until hell freezes over, if need be. And given that I have the full support of the objective mediator in that regard, it won't be difficult.

I was going to write today

2005-05-31T07:33:00.000+10:00

but I have more important things to think about. My rose order is on its way! Yay!

*evil grin*

Either my scales are wrong

2005-05-26T07:17:00.000+10:00

or my tape measure is.

I went to put on a pair of trousers this morning and they, literally, fell to my hips. I had to wear a belt. Weird. Stood on the scales. According to them, no weight has come off (maybe about half a kilo: it's hard to tell without my glasses and you always look heavier when measuring yourself because leaning forward to look ups the measurement). Yet, according to the tape measure, I am yet 2.5 cms smaller around the waist, and 2 from hips and 1 from bust. That's a total of, uh... 4 cms off the hips and waist and 2 from the bust in 2 weeks, while not actually on a diet or anything. (2.5cms = 1 in for those still working on outdated measurement systems....... :-P).

Still well overlarge, of course, but I can't figure out where it's going. Or how it's coming off. I've been eating like a piglet lately (compared to my usual intake, which is like bird-ish except on that crazy one day a month thing where I seriously pig out on everything I shouldn't). And walking a lot, granted. And yes, I do understand the "muscle is heavier than fat" rule -- but I've always been muscly under the blubber (no, really). I'd say the muscle is just getting tone-ier but it's not my leg muscles we're talking about here (no, I'm not obsessive enough to measure them, thanks for asking). Oh, well. Given, however, that when I've lost weight in the past, a loss of approximately 1 cm = a loss of approximately 1 kilo, it's a bit strange. I mean, i took off a couple of kilos last week, but anyhow... whatever. My goal is my health at the moment. My knees ache.

I also need a chiropractor. Must find one close by, soonish. I've been saying that for 3 years, though.

I worked out that I walked about 5kms yesterday -- mostly with weights *grin* About 3 and a half of them were with a 3 year-old who thought it would be fun to hang off my arm half the time and last night I went to see a film (again? Yeah, I've been taking time outs lately. Won't need to any more, soon) and also needed to get some stuff from the supermarket at the other end of the shopping centre. I'd parked a fair way away, so I reckon, I walked about a kilometre with approximately 11 kilos of stuff. Well, you know, I needed fruit, so there were 2 3-kilo bags of apples, 2 litres of milk, a litre of juice, another kilo or so of bananas... etc. Who needs a gym when you can do that sort of stuff? hehe.

I saw the Interpreter. It was pretty good.

Anyway, I'm a little behind on my 1 chapter per day thing so I'd better go and get the bairns to school and get cracking.

Beacause There's Too Much to Say

2005-05-24T07:00:00.000+10:00

I'm not writing anything.

You know, when you're hot, you're hot. Once I start writing again, I could write anything, anytime. I'm in the middle of getting out a ms for EnVision this week, at the rate of a full chapter a day (helps that some of it was already written by someone else, but anyhow), and as soon as I do that, all the other projects that I have been working on start crowding in, going "pick me! Pick me!"

I could seriously work on 3 different books right now. At the same time. Won't, though, my brain would eventually implode and I'd end up doing nothing. Must concentrate.

Same with this blog thing. I've seen 3 films this week (!!). Kingdom of Heaven, The Upside of Anger and Crash. Also saw Closer on DVD (urgh). The first one makes me want to write a whole spiel on what really happened (the movie wasn't as bad as I thought it was, actually). The second one, well, I've mentioned the whole button thing. The third was another film that followed the "no touch -- no live" perameter. I didn't like it (you can't "like" a movie like that), but it was a good film.

But I won't write an essay on each. I'll spare you that. hehe.

I will post Cainer's Aries scope for today, though, because I think Liz may like it:

Can you trust your feelings? What a question! It's like asking if you can trust your eyes... or your ears... or your taste buds. These are your natural assets. They provide you with crucial information that you ignore at your peril. You may not like what your senses are telling you, but that's no reason to doubt them or ignore them. What you feel is very real... and very right. Don't question that. You do, though, need to think carefully about precisely how you intend to act on those feelings.

Mine, today, is very apt (Nic, you can laugh now :-P Sheesh, everyone is ganging up on me lately *rolls eyes*):

The full moon has brought you to a turning point. You are neither willing nor able to carry on pretending a situation is satisfactory. Cracks have been papered over too many times in the past. Quick fixes have been applied to problems that clearly need attention at a much more fundamental level. Though you may feel daunted by the extent to which you must now rewrite your plan for the future, you have every reason to feel inspired about the task that lies ahead of you.

Have to laugh at my ex's!!:

Peace, love and understanding? What about jealousy, vengeance and retribution? Where's all that going to go if the dewy-eyed idealists have their way? Just imagine a world with no hard edges. Without negative emotions, rotten relationships, petty conflicts and ugly prejudices, we'd all be bored. Er... wouldn't we? Don't worry, I'm not predicting any such developments in the world or in your life. I do, though, foresee a small shift in this direction soon, for you. So you'd best be ready for it. Sounds like a warning to me *evil grin* Mind you, without jealousy, vengeance and retribution, he wouldn't know what to do with himself. Sigh.

My mum and her hubby came to visit on Sunday, which was very nice. We went for a walk, and I now know I'm walking just under 3 kms every day, so that is good (mum's hubby got a pedometre for his birthday). 1.47 kms each way. Cool.

I also have lavender plants. Yayhoo! Only waiting on a rose order to arrive and I can start planting my front handkerchief garden. Well, I've cheated, already put some stuff in, but anyhows... 'twill be good when it all goes in, I was even able to track down all the rose varieties I was looking for (one is quite rare). Well, there were only four (small garden, you know), and 2 of those will be going into pots (I have no intention of leaving them behind when I move again, which is likely. I don't know when, but it's likely). Also ordered a rare pale blue sweet violet variety that has just been imported from France. My regular plant supplier mentioned it when I was ordering a regular purple one. So, this little one will be potted as well, because a) It's still rare in this country and I want to be able to put it where ever it's happy, I will not be held responsible for killing it and B)if I move, I can take it with me. I've lost too many plants that I will probably never find again because I've had to move house.

I've managed to plan the front garden so there are many smally plants flowering at different times. I'll have polyanthum jasmine, gardenia and the rose varieties I've ordered are old fashioned ones that are reknown for their strong fragrance. The garden is just outside the window where my computer is, so that will be nice, if it works.

I scattered some forget-me-not seeds last week. I don't know why I keep doing that to myself, as they're not really happy up here, but they've actually come up (shock!) Trick is, maybe go for autumn/winter flowering instead of spring, which is too hot and wet. May even work. Cool.

My favourite tiny posy is sweet violets with forget-me-nots so if I can get both of them to grow up here, I'll be a happy bunny. :-D

Because I'm a sheep

2005-05-23T07:33:00.000+10:00

I naffed this from Stu's blog:

You scored as Anakin Skywalker.

Padme Amidala

69%

Anakin Skywalker

69%

Yoda

50%

C-3PO

44%

Obi Wan Kenobi

42%

R2-D2

39%

Mace Windu

39%

General Grievous

36%

Darth Vader

36%

Clone Trooper

28%

Chewbacca

28%

Emperor Palpatine

19%

Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

Only question. I'm a girl, and they decided Anakin???

Seems I have a darker side than I thought.

Just

2005-05-22T07:21:00.000+10:00

I mentioned a while back I went to see Finding Neverland. I think I said at the time that, as an Oscar-nominated film, it makes for a good mediocre one, but there was one point of that film that stuck in my mind (apart from the fact that any film that portrays a man happily (or even drunkedly, like in The Upside of Anger, which I saw yesterday) taking on a large fatherless family that is not his own presses all sorts of buttons that I don't want to talk about, now or ever... I mean, apart from pointing out that there are ALL sorts of Hollywood BULLCRAP, not just the Braveheart type).

Depp's character has just met up with Winslet's character and her boys, and one of them (Peter) is a dyed-in-the-wool cynic. Depp starts telling a story about the St Bernard being a huge bear, and Peter says, "but that's just a dog." Depp (as Barrie, of course) responds, "Just? Ah, but you see, 'just' is the worst word in the whole world."

It's true, I reckon. Think of all the times the word is used:

Just a mum
Just a writer/poet/whatever creative endeavour the world sees as "not real work"
I was just angry
I was just about to call you
You're just incredible/amazing, but...
Just friends
Just not worth... blah blah blah

You get the picture. It's a sucky word.

PS For the person who was googling "Barethian", it's not a real language. It's just one I made up for my books. It has proper grammar and syntax, based very loosely in Scots Gaelic (syntax) and French (grammar) and partly just my own imagination and if another person learned it, it would actually be a living language. It's actually able to be spoken now, but I have been reticent to mention it. The few times I have, I've been told I was just copying Tolkein's idea :-D Never mind that I hadn't even read through LOTR when I first started on it all and had no idea he'd made up whole languages, although I did know he'd played with a couple. I love languages. I have a helluva lot of admiration for the man, though, teaching himself Finnish. I was born there, a good Finn friend has tried to give me some basics on the language. Oi vey, but it makes Gaelic look simple. But I digress.

One day I will make a webpage, maybe. If there's any interest. If I ever publish the books. if I ever get the bloody things finished. (Some are done, but need editing. More editing, I mean).

But not today. I'm having an Eeyore day and am supposed to be writing...something... else by June 7. Hopefully will only have one Eeyore day or I don't like my changces *grin*

Sigh. Sports.

2005-05-21T07:22:00.000+10:00

St Kilda lost. Again. Hamill was out. Again. If they don't look at their players with regard to preventing soft-tissue and lower joint injuries (instead of shaking their heads in wonder and patching them up after they've happened), I think it can safely be said that the team is screwed this year. The injury list over the last few weeks is beyond "a bit of bad luck" and warping into something different -- incompetence, somewhere.

Parramatta won. Go figure. Not enough to lure me back to Rugogynist League but heartening anyhow.

.I Still Can't see it

2005-05-20T19:10:00.000+10:00

My waisted 3/4 pants became hipsters yesterday. At first, I put it down to what I like to call "wear-in" stretch (you know, jeans/pants or whathaveyou fit when you put them on but then get a bit baggy as you wear them -- or, alternatively, and more often -- too-tight jeans fit after a couple of hours) but they started to actually fall down to the point of me thinking, better wash these so they fit again. Normally they just get baggy round the tummy and sit there.

Realised when I put my trakky-daks on this a.m. that they were no longer tight across the bum. On a whim, try on another pair of 3/4 pants I bought a couple of months ago and didn't quite fit into. Well, truth be known, I completely couldn't do them up when I bought them. The label must've been wrong or something... hehe. Now, they're still a bit too snug to wear and not look like some eighties stretch-faberge reject but I didn't even have to lie down to get the zip up.

Hmmm. Someting weird happening here, thinks I, getting back into trakky bums (the front bedroom flooded due to the hailstorm last night. Mopping up and cleaning to do today. Was fun).

Walk out to lounge room.

"Do I look like I've lost weight?" I ask my almost-15 year-old son, who looks slightly panicked. (Well, he has to learn how to field this question some time, right? It's my motherly duty).

"Er.... yes?" he croaks.

"No, it's OK," I say soothingly. "I'm not a 'does my bum look too big in this?' sort of girl. Tell the truth. There will be no consequences."

"But, mum..."

Number 2 son (13 years old) jumps in. "Actually, mum, you do look smaller." The boy is wise beyond his years, honestly.

Number 1 son nods. "You do."

I look from cherubic face to innocent glance and roll my eyes. "You don't have to say that. I'm after an honest opinion here."

They look at me blankly. Obviously, my work is not yet done.

I give up and start to look for the tape measure.

It cheers me to know they were right, even though I'm fairly sure they weren't trying to be. And the fact I'm not actually trying to take off weight (despite the fact I probably should be).

And I still can't see it.

And it's just as well. I figure, if it ain't happening, I won't have to go clothes shopping again. Hoi.

Dis-as-ter.

Might go have some pizza or something.

Note for Nic

2005-05-19T07:50:00.000+10:00

The Astro Compat link now works. Knock yourself out. :-D

*evil grin*

Note for others:

If you're serious about checking compatibility, sun signs are not always the be-all and end-all. Important to check Rising Sign and Moon sign compatibility as well. The reason for this is that, while the Sun sign represents the self (ego), the rising sign represents the facade (what you show the world) and the moon sign represents the emotional centre (your deepest emotions). Example; I'm a Cap: that's what people who "know" me see. My Rising sign is Virgo (so I seem, perhaps, a bit more fastidious and exacting than I really am), but my moon sign is Cancer (make of that what you will, but a moon sign ruled by the moon... hoi).

Also, you can look at how the Venusian sign and Mars mesh (match his Mars to your venus and vice-versa). But it doesn't end there, you then have Eros and Psyche and antagonistic planet alignments, or good ones, when you merge the charts, blah blah blah. A single negative can be outweighed by a plethora of positives (after all, what relatiionship is perfect anyways?). That's one reason I'm actually skeptical of "astro matches", especially ones that declare that, say, one element with the other will "never" mix, because if you go by Sun signs alone, well, you could be missing out.

I rather like Jon Cainer's approach, he matches the elements (fire, earth, air, water) and the attributes (cardinal, mutable, fixed) and points out the positives and potential negatives and lets you work it out.

Anyhow, whether you believe in it or not, it's certainly fun. :-D

New Note to Self

2005-05-18T09:32:00.000+10:00

Lugging 50 litre bag of potting mix up a flight of stairs while still in the tail end of a cold is not a good idea.

Urgh

2005-05-13T07:50:00.000+10:00

I have a cold ind my dose. (Hehe. My dose is blogged).

I'm supposed to be writing somethingg for EnVision but I'm having trouble concentrating. One disadvantage of beingg the caregiver, I tend to get colds, etc, last, becuase I've run myself down a bit looking after everyone else, and they tend to hit me hard. # 1 son has been home for a week now. My daughter seems to have missed it.

# 3 son picked it up from his father last weekend, who conveniently forgot to tell us he was sick. And I say he never gives us anything. Sheeeeesh---OOOOO. Eggscuse me. *sniff*

Happy Friday Thirteenth, btw.

I was going to write a small essay on where that came from, but I thingk I might try curling up on the lounge instead. Can't nap, smallest child is not sick. Fell asleep briefly yesterday, and despite oldest child being aware of it, smallest child ended up outside in the rain playing in the mud. Smallest child lucky he did not get chill (I'm either acclimatising or it's an effect of the virus, but it was cold yesterday).

It's times like this that being single tends to make things a wee bit saddish. When you're sick, it's rather nice to wallow a bit, you know, feel a little sorry for yourself. having to get your own chicken soup sort of spoils it a bit. ;-)

Not that the ex ever was very good at palliative care, but you know what I mean. It'd be nice to have someone tuck me in and read me stories, and it's not really appropriate to get the kids to do it (although the currently-not-ill kids have been good with coffee, Vit C tablets, vapour rub and trying to let me sleep in until past 6 am).

On top of the cold, I got to traumatise myself again yesterday. My DVD library sent me The Pirate Movie. For anyone too young to remember (och! I can't believe I'm getting old enough to say that), this was an early 80s spoof of Gilbert & Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance, starring Chris Atkins and Kristy McNichol and lashings of Australians (it was filmed entirely in Australia long before it was popular to do so).

The saddest part was I remembered all of the words, even of the non G&S songs.

Whimper. Why do I do that to myself??

"I'll Never Understand You"

2005-05-10T20:01:00.000+10:00

said a friend not that long ago. It was meant in a good way, I think.

Anyway, this is for him:

A while ago I took one of those Jung Personality tests. Topology, they call it, iirc.

Here are my results, and all my secrets. :-P

INTJ

Introverted Intuitive Thinking Judging
Strength of the preferences %
22 22 11 67

slightly expressed introvert
slightly expressed intuitive personality
slightly expressed thinking personality (borderline feeling)
distinctively expressed judging personality

Also known as "Mastermind"

Huh. Go figure.

It is in their abilities that Masterminds differ from the other Rationals, while in most of their attitudes they are just like the others. However there is one attitude that sets them apart from other Rationals: they tend to be much more self-confident than the rest, having, for obscure reasons, developed a very strong will. They are rather rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population. Being very judicious, decisions come naturally to them; indeed, they can hardly rest until they have things settled, decided, and set. They are the people who are able to formulate coherent and comprehensive contingency plans, hence contingency organizers or "entailers."

Hmm. I don't know about the self confidence thing, but the strong will certainly fits, much to the chagrin of my mum at times when I was young. ;-)

I think this version is more close to it:

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know. That bit's actually true. I'm always very aware of what I can't do LOL!

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake. INTJ's are objective rationalists and rarely allow subjective opinion to get in the way of either business norms or interpersonal relationships.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications. Female INTJs tend to be more empathetic than men.

Masterminds will adopt ideas only if they are useful, which is to say if they work efficiently toward accomplishing the Mastermind's well-defined goals. Natural leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once in charge, however, Masterminds are the supreme pragmatists, seeing reality as a crucible for refining their strategies for goal-directed action. In a sense, Masterminds approach reality as they would a giant chess board, always seeking strategies that have a high payoff, and always devising contingency plans in case of error or adversity. On a personal level, this would fit. In business, not really. To the Mastermind, organizational structure and operational procedures are never arbitrary, never set in concrete, but are quite malleable and can be changed, improved, streamlined. Only if it's in my job description to do so *grin* In their drive for efficient action, Masterminds are the most open-minded of all the types. No idea is too far-fetched to be entertained-if it is useful. Masterminds are natural brainstormers, always open to new concepts and, in fact, aggressively seeking them. They are also alert to the consequences of applying new ideas or positions. Theories which cannot be made to work are quickly discarded by the Masterminds. On the other hand, Masterminds can be quite ruthless in implementing effective ideas, seldom counting personal cost in terms of time and energy.

Risk profile: I was moderate (normal) 10 - 60 %

Celebrities whose risk profile is similar to yours:

Leonardo da Vinci 79 % similar
Niels Bohr, physicist 75 % similar
JRR Tolkien, author of 'The Lord of The Rings' 70 % similar

Favorable for you spheres of activity

Science
Art
Literature

Cool. :-)

I have chairs!

2005-05-07T19:02:00.000+10:00

At least, I will on Monday.

:-D

Well, I have to celebrate something. The Saints lost to Geelong today, and also lost half the flippin' team to injury. :-(

You Never Expect The Spanish Inquisition

2005-05-06T21:25:00.000+10:00

And now for something completely different.

I love surprises. I especially love it when someone I haven't seen in a while drops by unexpectedly and then (even more unexpectedly) keeps ones amused with bat and ball. And didn't the kids love it. I even got the washing off the line before the rain hit. For once. :-D

But have you ever noticed this only ever happens on the one day you've had a terrible couple of days and therefore decided to take an afternoon off instead of doing the requisite cleaning up? Especially when only a day earlier the place was spotless, except for a couple of yet-to-be unpacked boxes?

'Twas good. 'Twas swell. 'Twas brillig. The house is, once again, as clean as I can make it without unpacking said boxes. May even get around to doing that this weekend. Yay. May even find a small lounge. Yay-er.

It could be worse. I was having some severely traumatising 80s moments last night. And under the influence of caffeine overload, at that. Hoi! Nik Kershaw, Van Halen (BADly traumatising!)... if Pat Benatar had come on the radio I would've doen a complete time flash back to when I was 14 or so and... well... the driver of the car I was in would've been more traumatised than I was. And you can make of that whatever you like, Scott. :-P

So, today, after doing the washing and the housework and studiously ignoring the two boxes, I did veggie gardening.

The house has a small veggie garden already pre-dug, with a couple of unhappy capsicum plants and some chinese cabbage-like plants, bok choy or pak choy or something choy, not sure which. Nicky bought me some PLANTS (does the dance of joy and veggieness) when I moved in and I picked up a few more so I now have some neat rows of shallot seedlings and carrots seeds, and a couple of parsley plants and lettuces. (I did say "small", right?). Oh, and I think I threw in a couple of silverbeet seeds, iirc.

I have another very small patch of dirt at the front door which I have thrown in some pavers as "stepping stones" so I can get to the tap without the whole mud thing. It's happily pushing up nasturtium volunteers and some mondo grass at the moment but I've got big plans. Well, little plans (small features again, right?).

Was thinking... a jasmine and gardenia at the front step, throw in some alyssum, keep some of the nasturs, primulas from Nicky and Damon in the shadier spot, sweet peas on the front fence (and a couple of hanging pots, probably with a creeping thyme variety and maybe pansies or something). I'll sow some forget-me-nots but don't much like my chances (not enough winter), have some grape hyacinth bulbs and a pot with 2 varieties of lavender (which hates wet feet, only way of growing it up here is with pot or very raised, well-drained beds and, frankly, the pot is easier. I have one which'll suit already). I'd like a rose but think it would be too much trouble right now, for the same reason. Wet. Black spot. Sigh. Mind you, I think there's a nice David Austin that is immune to black spot and rust, may try it if I can find it... will deifintely if it's pink, I'm missing a touch of deeper pink in that mix. I have a mini rose from my mum that needs potting, but I think I'll put it up on the verandah. Depending on the sweet peas. Should have a rosemary in there too, although I have plans to put one out the back.

A day's work to plant, if that. Cool. And now it's written here, I will have somewhere to come if I forget what I'd wanted to do. :-D

It was calming. Until, of course, I had an insane moment and said "yes" to my daughter for pizza and a movie. Movies. The Karate Kid. And sequels (plural intentional). Whimper. 80s flashbacks. Ralph Macchio. Peter Cetera songs (I suppose it's the wrong time to mention I have the KK soundtrack on LP. Hehe, no.. "This is the time. This is the moment...been waiting so long to see you standing here.... we had a dream, we made it happen..." Oops. Sorry. And KK2 on cassette. Thirteen year-old girl is my excuse, ok??). It's almost enough to make me want to watch Footloose again.

Almost.

Use By Dates

2005-05-02T20:20:00.000+10:00

My good friend Liz wrote a piece for her blog that speaks to my current situation, called Expiry Dates. It's good. It's true. It also got me thinking, mostly because thinking is the thing right now (when you feel you can't act, you think. You being generic, meaning "me", not you personally, you know, you the reader. English is a funny language). My patience has gone. Definitely expired. And not just to do with the whole ex situation, but in other factors as well. which leads me to patience, in a way that actually has nothing to do with Liz's piece.

I'm told I'm a patient person. I dispute that, actually. People tend to look at a single woman with six kids and presume that if she isn't actually being driven medically insane, she must be riddled with abject patience. I think I'm just pretty good at looking like I'm patient. I exude patience even when, inside, I'm seething with IMpatience. I do put an expiry date on just about everything, in some cases longer than others, of course. Certain people get more of it than others.

I wonder, sometimes what it even means to be "patient". Just because I don't explode at someone doesn't mean I haven't lost patience with them. If that makes sense? I can be completely calm and still have no patience with someone. For example, I've completely lost patience with a certain male friend who probably has no idea, and I've no inclination to let him know, either. Is a "why bother?" attitude a sign of not having patience with them? I'm not sure. I'd say not. But given my "issues", I've no real inclination to play nursemaid when it comes to friendships any more. If there's no give and take there, it's not a friendship. At least, not my definition of friendship anyway (as opposed to, say, people who are in your social circle and you like a lot but aren't your close friends). Friends don't stay mute while you suffer. They bother. I'm a very fortunate woman, actually. I have many such friends. Even if we don't talk for a year, they're still friends.

Is it selfish of me to only want to worry about investing regularly in relationships that aren't one-sided? Probably. Fact is, though, I'm just too tired, and probably guilty of taking more than I give, too, lately, being too wrapped up in my own stuff to notice other's. We all do it occasionally. It's when it's our modus operandii that I'm talking about. I'm not talking about every day aquaintances. I'm talking about being taken for granted. I hope I don't do that. if I do, I'm sorry. I hope I tell my close friends regularly how important they are to me. And I hope that doesn't come off all creepy-stalker-y. :-S

But back to the subject as Liz wrote it... I have lost all capacity to bother with the ex's crap. I don't need to do anything about it, except hold firm and take care of the issues at hand, I just don't need to play any more. It's done. I'm done. I believe firmly in the "Do No Harm" tenet, but I also believe that what goes around...

I'm not going into detail here, but I and some of the kids had a fairly ghastly day yesterday. Really awful. Apocalyptic-like, gruesome awful. So it's good to have friends who get that while I'm going through this, I'm not so out-of-my-head available, but when they need me, I'm there, if they ask. It's the first time in my life I've actually felt free to be blah, to just feel how I actually feel with (seemingly, yes someone is going to notice the caveat ;-) ) no repercussions. I don't have to be "nice Heather", "happy, perky Heather", "obedient Heather", "unemotional Heather", "do-as-you're-fucking-well-TOLD Heather, it's your own bloody fault." I can cry, feel insane, get angry, vengeful, explain-what-I-mean, weak, helpless, learn-to-breathe and then.... get a call back later that night asking how I'm doing? No, you're not a bad person, we're HAPPY you feel able to talk about this, welcome to the human race, guess what, you're not superwoman (no, really) and how's your stash of Rescue Remedy going? You're not alone, how are you? Yes, I know you feel bad but I'll ask anyway so that, even though I know, you know I care enough to ask?

Nice to know my LL-6 levels are down. :-)

See, I really appreciate that single poem, very much. It does what a poem should do. I'm thinking; I'm emoting.

I appreciate the comments as well. Emails, phone calls. Thanks to those friends who have actually asked, answered, and most of all, supported verbally (and in writing, which is the same thing in some cases). And I hopes youse knows... if there's ever anything I can do...

More on My Anti Lone Wolf Theory

2005-05-02T15:54:00.000+10:00

From news.com.au today:

Loneliness 'causes heart disease'
May 02, 2005

BEING the life and soul of the party could be good for the heart, according to a study linking loneliness with furred-up arteries.

Researchers found that men who were socially isolated had raised levels of a blood chemical linked to heart disease.

The cell signalling protein, interleukin-6 (LL-6), is known to promote the inflammation that helps artery walls to thicken and harden. This in turn can lead to heart attacks and strokes.

US scientists studied 3267 men in the Framingham Heart Study.

Men who socially networked had significantly less LL-6 than socially isolated men.

The link, if you can use it before it expires:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15150247-13762,00.html

A new slogan for the Heart Assoc:

"Up your LL-6. Get outta the house."

I can see that catching on. hehe. :-D

Dear Liz and Tessa

2005-04-29T16:00:00.000+10:00

Thanks guys. Times like these, a girl needs her friends' active encouragement. :-) xx

I had a "mediation" today on these issues, that I won't go into publically for legal reasons, but suffice to say the mediator (who is also a lawyer) was... ummm... perplexed... at both the ex's and the ex's solicitor's behaviour. He was also very kind to me.

It seems, no, the ex's not going to stop this sort of thing for the kids' sake, Liz. And this hasn't gone unnoticed to the Powers That Make These Decisions. Tessa, the benefit of the doubts have been given and the gloves are off. He'll get his. And I won't have had to do a thing to cause anything that will now befall him on these issues, he will have brought it all on himself with his own words and actions. I am not as kind as people think: if I or my kids are being taken advantage of (I think the mediator's exact words were "he's holding the kids to ransom here"), then I will do whatever's necessary. Think I'm angry? I'm not. But I do believe that consequences catch up with us eventually. They're catching up.

I'm also OK with the money thing, for a while, at least. And, let's just say, my offer to him is no longer on the table. He should've taken the money when he could. My lawyer is glad he didn't--she's rather angry, much angrier than I am, actually. Incensed, she said. I couldn't be bothered with anger, the ex is throwing around enough vindictive behaviour for the both of us.

He's a very, very silly boy.

Sinking to a New Low

2005-04-28T20:23:00.000+10:00

You know, I knew the ex was a bit scummy, especially when it comes to me, but I never thought he would be deliberately vindictive in a way that hurts the children.

I've moved house. Oh yeah, I'm in! And back online (er, obviously). And that had its dramas, but not too bad, just involved some rain, mushy grass, spinning truck wheels, a tractor and a couple of near-missing cats, but they were more delays than true annoyances. Actually, didn't bother me too much. Gave me an hour to sit down. Yay. :-)

Oh, and St Kilda won again. By a huge landslide. Woohoo! Do the Dance of Joy (non Angel fans will not get that. Watch season 4. You'll understand me much better :-D ).

Anyway, I haven't mentioned why the house had to be sold, thus denying the bairns their home, too long and sordid a story to be told in public, really. I think I've mentioned the ex is trying to claim some of the proceeds, which he isn't legally entitled to, and despite that, I'm giving him some anyhow.

Well, he's managed to freeze the funds, but was supposed to release some so I could pay for moving expenses, new school uniforms, food, services, that sort of unimportant stuff. His solicitor had already OK'd it, so I went ahead borrowing bond and rent money from my mum (thanks mum!) on the presumption I could pay her back when the funds were released last Tuesday.

Which they weren't. Apparently he sent a letter saying he never had agreed to release the funds and never would. Despite the fact I'm sure his solicitor has (or should have!) told him by now he has no entitlement to any of the funds. Despite the fact the older 2 boys literally can't attend school without their (unfortunately) rather expensive uniforms. Despite the fact that without any funds, the kids will be without new school books and some services. Despite the fact that the only reason I have a full-ish pantry now is that a couple of friends are practical and kind and filled my freezer as a move-in present, even before they knew of his behaviour.

I expected the ex to be bitter. After all, he feels I took his family from him (never mind the fact that if he had just stopped hitting, it wouldn't have been necessary. I think 15 years of "second chances" are fair, eh?). I didn't, however, expect this level of vindictiveness aimed in the kids' direction, especially at a point where he is seeking MORE time with them, time the children don't want to spend with him. (I'm not sure if I am relieved or unhappy about that. I think neither. Everyone misses out there). For my part, I have no feelings for the man whatsoever, even when annoyed by his behaviour. I don't like him. I actually don't hate him either. I couldn't be bothered.

Chalk it up to yet another show of abject stupidity on my behalf. For some insane reason, despite my supposedly genuis-level IQ (no, really, hehe!) I really do expect the man to act reasonably when given the chance. I will keep expecting it even when faced with year after year of unreasonable behaviour, time after time after time. One day, he may just surprise me.

I look forward to that. It'll do the children good. :-)

Aaron Hamill

2005-04-21T07:26:00.000+10:00

This is a reprint from the saint's website, original URL, http://saints.com.au/default.asp?pg=news&spg=display&articleid=197500

Tough as nails
12:08:44 PM Wed 20 April, 2005
Luca Giacobello

When Aaron Hamill puts on his gear and crosses the white line, it is like a great Roman gladiator putting on his battle gear and entering an arena. Many would agree that Hamill is the muscle, the intimidator of the St Kilda side. This has been proven time after time, most recently in Round 1 when Mal Michael and Chris Scott continued to bump Nick Riewoldt’s injured shoulder. The skipper was wounded and it was Hamill, closest to the action, who remonstrated with the Lions defenders, not backing down an inch to defend the young champion.

Hamill was originally selected with the 79th pick in the 1994 National AFL Draft by Carlton. Hailing from the ACT, Hamill quickly became noticed in the Blues’ forward line, becoming the heir apparent to the retiring skipper and legend Stephen Kernahan. This was quickly recognised upon his retirement, when Hamill donned the #4 and became the key target up forward. Hamill displayed his true abilities and enjoyed great success with Carlton. In the thrilling Preliminary Final, Hamill was reported and subsquently suspended.

However, the important player Hamill was, the Blues moved heaven and earth to orchestrate an appeal and his suspension was later reversed, clearing him to play in the Grand Final. Hamill controversially left the club at the end of 2000 after fives years, 92 games and 114 goals.

With St Kilda undergoing an extreme makeover, St Kilda wasted no time in snapping up Hamill, sacrificing the 4th pick in the draft and Sam Cranage to lure the key forward to the club. In his first season with the Saints, Hamill showed he was the great forward target and quickly became noticed as a ‘hard man’ with his intense tackling and ferociousness for the ball. Hamill’s career at the club couldn’t have gotten off to a better start and in 2002, his magnificent form continued. His leadership, skill and raw toughness did not go unnoticed and he was the first player to be captain under the new rotation policy.

He led the Saints into an exciting new era, showing glimpses of what was to come in the future with a string of massive wins late in the season and an apparent stronghold over the Telstra Dome. 2004 started off great for Hamill, playing in his second pre-season premiership and in the first ten rounds, kicking 20 goals. Along with Riewoldt and Fraser Gehrig, St Kilda had the most dominant and intimidating forward line in the league.

However, Hamill was struck down with a knee injury, one which hampered his ability to perform and keeping him out of the finals. He was sorely missed in a series that saw St Kilda so close to playing in the Grand Final.

2005 hasn’t exactly gone to plan for the Saints with a couple of losses and injuries to a handful of senior regulars. The game against the undefeated Melbourne was crucial if St Kilda wanted to kick start their season. With Brownlow favourite Cameron Bruce slammed to the turf by a ferocious Brent Guerra tackle in the early seconds, it was clear the Saints came to play. Being a key forward, Hamill was displaying his physical presence as well, running hard and presenting his teammates with a target.

Hamill finished the day with 16 touches, eight marks and 2.1 goals, another great effort. He helped the side slam on nine goals straight and capped off the game with a spectacular grab to cause a 47 point upset and reclaim the stronghold of the Telstra Dome, “Getting through the week, no one gave us a shot but in the end, a terrific effort by the boys with a 100% effort for all. It was great to see 22 consistent players having a real hot go and everyone playing their parts.”

Robert Harvey may be their spiritual captain, Gehrig their spearhead, Riewoldt their superstar but there is only one intimidator, one player who is tough as nails…

And he's cute, too. ;-)

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy comes out here on April 28. Looking forward to it. :-)

Really Bye this time.

Alluring? Nope

2005-04-21T06:52:00.000+10:00

No. No admirer messages for me yesterday. Darn MM, getting my hopes up and all.

I want my money back.

:-P

Be gone for a few days. Don't suppose I'll be missed /Eeyore voice off. ;-)

A Good day?

2005-04-20T07:07:00.000+10:00

From Mystic Medusa for me today:

La Luna in Virgo feels so good for Sea-Goats - you are inspired, artistic and mega-efficient all at the same time. Romance is similarly enhanced - someone finds you unbelievably alluring.

Well, I don't know about the alluring thing, I'm not exactly built for "alluring" (although, if true, that would make the "unbelievably qualifier make sense ho ho, oh, I crack myself up) hehe, but mega-efficint is good. Today I have to make about 100 phone calls (OK, slight exaggeration, but not by much), to power, phone companies, etc to swap residences, buy stuff, keep packing, get the car rego up to date (it expired on the 16th and I missed it! Yikes!), change my name & address on my rego and driver's licence, organise and pay for a storage unit for my stuff that won't fit in the house, rubbish, wash clothes, pack, clean out the fridge, get make sure I have the kids' stuff packed for their weekend jaunts, pack, get the mail forwarding organised, oh, and did I mention, pack? I should fit in a shower, too, I guess. Kids have to go to school.

Fortunately, my mum is coming up today to help. Yay mum!

And I actually do feel mega-efficient today. :-D

2 days to go until moving day.

Happy Birthday to...

2005-04-19T16:18:00.000+10:00

I'm not saying his name just in case he has security concerns. He knows who he is.

Old man. :-P

xxx