Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Looking on the bright side

"It is an ill wind that does nobody any good," as they say.

As a result of not being so well, I am 6 kilos lighter than I was a week and a half ago (not including the 2 kilo fluid/glycogen store that will go back on the minute I start eating normally again). 6 kilos of fat--an almost noticeable amount on my hefty frame. Liz, I'm now about a kilo lighter than when you last saw me, just fyi.

Not that I can say I look alot different, although my daughter (aged 8) did come home Sunday night and said seriously, "Mum. You've got to look after yourself. You're losing weight too quickly."

I must say I agree with her, but I'm not exactly trying to drop weight. It's just happening as a side effect of my body regularly raising its temperature (and therefore, its metabolic rate), to try and counter this bloody infection.

And, as I said to her, it's for times like these our body stores the fat in the first place. For the first time in many years, it's actually doing what it's supposed to in a "crisis": it's utilising its stored resources instead of trying to out-source for more (ie, I am not overly hungry, except I'm craving fresh citrus, mandarines, in particular).

All in all, it's probably a Good thing that I can't go to EnV (even though doc says, so long as I'm rugged up, it'd probably do me some good). This is now purely bacterial, and the virus that started it all is going around (as in, everyone's had it), but I'd hate to pass it on. Last year, I had a gosh-awful cough as well, which actually wasn't the result of a cold at all but had to do with that heart thing I mentioned a while back, but just about everyone got sick afterwards, and guess who got the finger pointed at them? there were, in fact, others there who weren't well but they were quieter about it hehe.

I'm not actually on antibiotics at the moment, mostly because the "yllin" they wanted to give me rendered me practically incoherent the last time I took them and one of the known side effects is suicidal depression (strong medication, apparently). My doctor seems to think that would be too much of a risk in my case. I mean, hey! I'm not suicidal! I haven't even got to "depressed" yet! Well, no, doc concedes, but these things might just put you there, all things considered. Fair enough. Back when my ex had a major infection, he was given the same meds. He ended up breaking down--literally--at work on the things.

And the penicillan group not for me, either. They always give me a rash. Turns out, just like number 2 son, I'm mildly allergic. Who knew? And anything else is too mild and wouldn't work so would just add to the "superbug" problem. Despite the fact I've taken one batch of antibiotics on the last ten years (and that batch didn't work, anyway), its the fact that antibiotics used to be handed out like lollies that have rendered them majorly useless now. So I actually don't mind not taking them. I've never liked taking them, so it's nice to have a couple of "excuses" not to *big grin*

But back to my rapidly shrinking torso. I thought it was muscle mass, or at least partly, but it seems not. All three "usual" measurements (waist, hip, bust) are good points to check for weight loss because in very overweight people that is where most of the fat resides. I still can't "see" any loss, so I pulled out the tape measure. Well, at least I know, now, why my pants don't fit any more. The scales haven't lied. Since Saturday week ago, I have lost 5 cms off my hip measurement, 4 cms off my waist measurement and 1 cm off my bust measurement (which means, effectively, my body's been scavenging belly fat, I reckon. Not to mention that all this coughing is like doing constant tummy crunches. Ouch). I am now 29 kilos off my goal weight (and before anyone gasps at the "to go" amount, that would take me to a healthy, heaviest weight-for-height for someone of my bone structure, around size 14).

On clothing sizes, though, I do have a bone to pick. I mean, apart for the fact that there is very little good quality, inexpensive clothes for anyone over a size 16 around, never mind the fact that most of the female population in this country is a size 14 or higher, once you do get to the bigger sizes, there's an enormous (s'cuse the pun) gap between sizes. Down in the 12s, 14s, etc, there's a 5cm measurement jump between sizes, but when you get up to size 18, there's a 15cm difference betwen size 18 and size 20. What that means is, when you do lose weight, you're stuck with baggy clothes that are way too big or a size that looks like you're trying too hard because it's just that little bit too tight yet. I actually fit comfortably into those size 18 pants now. But they sure don't look comfortable on me, because they're still visually tight across the derrierre.

Hmm. I could get obsessive about this.

Warning...

mini-rant ahead....

I got desperate. I rang the ex's employer again (he'd previously said that the ex hadn't asked for leave... oh. Should mention that the reason the ex is giving for refusing to take the kids, at least to the kids, is that he "can't" get leave) and begged him to consider letting the ex have a few days off so he could see his kids. I should also mention that I know the ex's boss socially-ish, or I wouldn't do that. It's a measure of the desperation I felt at the time, as well, I guess. Well, the ex's boss said that they had, in fact, discussed it, and that he couldn't see his way clear to give the ex time off work. He just can't spare him right now.

I mean, huh????

Of course, it is true that men have trouble getting leave for their children: that's still considered "mum's job". Australia Post had an entrprise bargaining agreement not too long ago that scrapped paternity leave all together for some other useless thing (I think it was something for the games room). I think it sucks, myself. If we live in a truly equal society, how can we scrap paternity leave whilst extending maternity leave? It's sexist, that's what it is.

And ask any mother with half a brain and a good husband/partner what she would prefer: an extra 4 week's maternity leave on half pay or four weeks paternity leave for hubby to come home and help with the baby/other siblings/bond with his new kids/etc and what do you think we're going to answer? "Uh, yeah. I'd rather do this on my own on half-pay, thanks."

For the record, I hate the term "reverse sexism". It's "sexist" if we give preferential treatment to someone because they're male, but "reverse sexist" if we give preferential treatment to someone because they're female? Nope, you give preferential treatment to anyone because of their gender, no matter what that gender is, it's sexism. Just like "racism" applies to all races (yup, even if the target of that racism is white).

If women can get time off work because their kids are sick, etc (and granted, many women have a lot of difficulty with this, and I think it's partially because they're the ones that always have to take the time off, the hubby isn't), then men should be able to as well. Or at least make sure that they can't be fired if they take LWOP to assist a sick relative.

But... on another front: if it is true that the ex couldn't get time off work, why didn't he just say so? Something like, "Gee, Heather, I'm sorry about this, but I just can't get leave" would've been much less confrontational than "I'm not going to let you use me as a babysitter." (This same man who claims his role as "father" is being usurped by his bitch ex-wife relegates himself to that role of "forced babysitter" whenever it suits him to do so).

I'm not perfect, but I have to ask: what on earth did I do to that man so long ago that was so awful he not only singled me out to lie to, use and abuse, but that he uses up so much energy being so nasty? More than it would take to be pleasant? It doesn't make any sense. I have never deliberately tried to hurt him (and yes, that is honest. I never have). I have hurt him, no doubt (even in the most balanced, good relationships, couples will inadvertantly hurt each other), but not as a deliberate, vindictive act. I've been tempted to, believe me, but I just believe there are certain lines you don't cross, no matter what.

Oh, well. You get to a point where you go, "fine. *cough, hack* Enough already. *snort* You win. Broke me. *cough, cough* No can I please just get some time to get over my pneumonia on doctor's orders????"

But then, you get accused of being melodramatic.

Whatever.

Oh! The good news is... late last Friday, after I'd made my other post, my solicitor called.

"We have decided to accept your client's offer of $xx,xxx"

And in a sentence, it is finished. The property bit, anyhow. But there's an example of how he spent so much energy trying to make it hard on me that he made it more difficult on himself. That offer (and, hehe, MY offer??? See, I told you that letter they sent 3-ish weeks ago was familiar) was identical to the one that he should've taken 2 and a half months ago. He's spent that time trying to, basically, starve us out so he could get more--none of which (including what he will get) he is legally entitled to. All I can say is thank God for good friends, a helpful mother and bank errors in my favour, or it would've worked.

And do I feel triumphant? Vindicated? Even relieved? Nope. Just sad, as a whole. In any relationship where power games are the go, there's no such thing as a "win-lose" scenario.

If both halves of a couple, marriage, friendship, business partnership, etc., aren't 100% committed to "win-win", then it's always "lose-lose".

Friday, June 17, 2005

Well, the active detox didn't last long

I think I left it too long to start. Unfortunately, I came down with a fever last weekend -- a new virus for this household, sigh -- it took 3 days to go away and now the last 6 months have caught up with me in a big way, as I now have low-grade pneumonia. Mind you, this also means I'm not able to keep much solid food down anyhows, and I'm still not drinking coffee or putting any other garbage into my mouth, for obvious reasons, so I guess I'm detoxing -- very quickly -- by default. I've lost 4 kilos this week (3kilos would be fluid).

Don't like to complain, but it's been a difficult week. Very close to hospitalisation this week. Very close to just throwing in the towel and moving to Tibet this week. But that would just be silly.

But, anyhow. Now, I shall go and castigate Number 2 son (again) for the comment "don't worry, mum, it can't get any worse". ;-)

Oh, and on the ex front, his "offer" -- is it 3 weeks ago now? -- well, can't accept it, reject it, or whatever. His solicitor won't even talk to mine. Why? *shrugs* Who knows.

And after sending a very rude letter demanding that he have the kids for a week in the school holidays, he's now refusing to take them at all. Why? Apparently, he found out I am... what is it? "taking advantage of him" -- by arranging to actually do something with myself (in this case, EnVision), while he has the kids. Apparently, I'm not supposed to "use" him as a babysitter. I'm supposed to "sit at home or go to work" when he has the kids, not "use" him "to develop my personal social life". Never mind the fact that I only decided to do EnV because he'd demanded to have the kids and I thought I'd be free, and it's a professional development course! (yes, those quotes are from him, directly).

Why am I not surprised???

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Awards all round

Been a productive weekend, really, awards-wise.

The Clarion South team (Rob H, Rob D, Kate and me) won a Ditmar at the NatCon for professional achievement. The Ditmars are the Australian equivalent of the Hugos, and it's a Big Deal. The only other really, really prestigious award in Australia for SF would be the Aurealis Awards, but to put it in movie parlance, the AA's would be like the AFI awards while the Ditmars would be sort of equivalent to the Logies.

Also, my uncle Bill was on the honours list for the Australian Queen's Birthday w/e. Pretty cool, really. Congrats, Bill!

Sunday, June 12, 2005

There is a reason you shouldn't detox after a cold

and I knew what I was getting into, but, sheesh. I didn't realise my body could produce so much phlegm. I feel like an ex-smoker, honestly.

Which is good, means the detox is working (and the headachey stuff is mostly gone today, thank goodness), but all this healthy stuff is making me feel like a worn-out rag. ;-) The good news about this is, I went to bed by 8.30 last night, and slept through. I think I needed that. I rarely sleep more than 6 hours a night, usually less. I'm glad this isn't an "extreme" detox though (ie, juice fast) because I'd be feeling very sick right now. Basically, all I've done is cut out the caffeine, sugar, wheat products and meat and added fresh fruit and veggie juice, upped the amount of vegetable material I'm eating (especially of the "superfood" variety: broccoli, spinach, beetroot, garlic, carrots, berries, papaya, etc) and some supplements. Note for anyone planning to do this: I know what I'm doing (I'm a qualified herbalist although I've only ever used that for myself), please don't try this unless you've done your research or under supervision of someone who has, get a full medical check up first, and don't try to detox if you're pregnant or breastfeeding, diabetic, or have kidney or liver disease, or recovering from a severe illness or operation, or if you're coming off alcoholism or drugs (without allowing some "clean" time to elapse first--at least 6 months clean). Just thought I'd mention that.

My laryngitis has cleared up, though. All that is left is the croakiness from the coughing.

Out of curiosity, I stood on the scales this morning: I've taken off about 2kgs of fluid all up, so my measured weight now matches the measured tape measure. Or something. Whatever.

Day 2 of detox is a "gentle" day, and I fully expect to maximise on the gentle. I had planned to spend the day writing, but my head is mush right now, I can't even concentrate enough to read (this is normal for a detox. Actually, it's normal for me).

Yesterday, I spent most of the afternoon on the phone, which was nice (right up until I had to rush off because I couldn't stop coughing on phone call # 2. I don't think I need to say any more about that. Urgh).

Got an SMS from Rob H, who is in in Tassie at the NatCon, last night -- Clarion South won a Ditmar. How cool is that. :-D

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Detox

I've spent the last couple of days coming down, as they say, from coffee. Got down to one cup in the am yesterday and having the first day without today. The headache's already starting, but I think that's mostly because I'm expecting one. hehe.

I figured, since I seem to be taking off a wee bit of hip, I might spend this Queen's birthday long weekend doing a detox. I definitely need a health boost: moving house (stirring up all sorts of dust and pathogens) and the whole swag of new virii you get when you move to a new area, as well as the stress of, well, the last 2 years, at least, has left me somewhat depleted. So, it's, get the housework done early today (almost done) and then spend the rest of the weekend bludging. The only other important thing I have to do this weekend is receive a phone call. :-D :-D

I was going to go down to Tassie for the national convention this weekend, but circumstances (less said...) didn't allow. Probably a Good Thing; spending the weekend boosting the health instead of going to a NatCon (famous for lack of sleep for varying different reasons) -- probably better for me. I've noticed the walking I've been doing has locked me up a bit, so I'll have to spend some time working on my flexibility from now on *grin*

I've finished the part of the ms I was writing for EnVision, I might spend the weekend getting stuck into the books Sean sent me. Whoot!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Funny how the collective unconscious works

One disadvantage of taking a long time to get a piece of work done (say, a novel) is that you keep seeing bits of what you've already written all over the place. I don't think this is because of plagiarism, conscious or unconscious, but simply because "there is nothing new under the sun." Jung's collective unconscious theorem states that there are certain mythical elements that tend to be repeated, especially in the heroic fantasy-type story, from Ancient Greek mythology to Viking religiosity to Tolkein, because they all had similar elements that resonate within the human unconscious, a consciouness we all share. This goes beyond the Cliche thing, where we repeat the same elements because we know they sell (although they probably sell because those tropes and cliches are so effective at tapping into that; I don't know).

The end result is, especially if you consciously try to tap into these unconscious elements, you often find someone else got there first.

I realised this morning why I liked the song Remember so much, when I googled up the lyrics. There are two passages that are very, very similar to something I wrote for the Beth books almost three years ago. The lyrics are:

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
Just remember me

I am the one star that keeps burning, so brightly,
It is the last light, to fade into the rising sun

I'm with you
Whenever you tell my story
For I am all I've done

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me, in your memory
Remember me

I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers
And if you listen, you'll hear me call across the sky


As long as I still can reach out, and touch you
Then I will never die

Remember, I'll never leave you
If you will only
Remember me

Remember me...

Remember, I will still be here
As long as you hold me
In your memory

Remember, when your dreams have ended
Time can be transcended
I live forever
Remember me

Remember me
Remember... me...


The passage I've bolded sounded so familiar I checked my Ballads file and found one of the Barethian songs I'd written as a song written in that world by the character Bethía Na'brithrien (yes, that Beth) that had a very similar theme (although it's more a song about her own darkness and loneliness than about remembrance of Achilles. Which would make sense, given that there is no Achilles in my story, but I suppose I didn't really need to say that). The English translation is (it's the second verse that was similar):

Shadows fill my soul
I hear twilight's call
My aching heart cries in darkness:
Banish my sorrow,
Ease this unending, eternal craving.

Shadows fill my dreams
I hear icy whispers
My voices cry between the winds:
Listen to me,
I call across the barren skies.


I'm not sure if I like it much when that happens, because there's so much similarity to a popular song that if I ever do get it out, although it was written before the popular song (as far as I know), being accused of plagiarism is not fun.

Mind you, verse one of the song would appear in this form, if at all:

oretheh hafhíat
ahcadan valet
glaeoveh haf camhan
claithin ía

traeb hafhíat fhareh
dorae cadatha
threh hafhíat cahín
solath mar'cravtha


So I guess it doesn't really matter. But it's always annoying when something you've agonised over ends up almost effortlessly on the hit parade. Sigh. I'm not good at poetry, and making the form fit both languages is a bugger.

Example: the translation of the first four lines up there is:

"my spirit,
shadows fill
call of twilight
I hear."

but the literal translation is:
"spirit [lit. life spirit within] of-me
shadows [competely] fill.
[overwhelming] call of twilight
hear I."

Not exactly poetic, really.

So I go for:

Shadows fill my soul
I hear twilight's call


Which kind of carries the intent, if you marry it to the other lines (you know, "aching" and "darkness") while at least trying for some sort of English poetical form.

I suppose translaters throughout history have had the same problem. Some of the beautiful, beautiful Scots Gaelic songs completely lose all meaning and resonance when translated into English. The Bible reads better in Greek -- English, for all its wordiness, can take many words to say very little (you may have noticed that on this blog, hehe), whereas one Greek word can mean entire English sentences. An example would be the word translated "to perish" in some parts of the NT, when referring to punishment. It actually means, "to perish, and go on perishing, to always be perishing", I suppose, spiritually.

Another one would be the word translated "witch". It's actually the word we get "pharmaceutical" from, and literally means "poisoner" or "murdering drugger" and has nothing to do with "sorcery" or "magic", which, actually, Scripture only has a problem with when it is used to deceive, or pass off as a "miracle" (I guess the blokes who translated for James VI/I figured "witch" would do, given that hedge witches and midwives--most "witches" who were burned at the stake were midwives, never mind that Scripture itself is very supportive of feminine midwifery--used herbs as medication and birth aids. After all, you only had to look at his mother, Mary Queen of Scots, who was reviled at that time as a "witch" and traitor to James' own crown, through his predecessor Elizabeth. You could, logically, equally say "Thou shalt not suffer a pharmacist to live" as "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." Political translations. I wish people would actually check the veracity of their source material before quoting it. Sheesh. But I digress again).

Yet for all its ubiquity, our "emotional" words lack something. Take the word "love", for example. When you say "I love you" you can be talking to anyone or anything from pancakes to chocolate to your mum to your first lover. You say to someone "I like you," and you end up having this whole confusing conversation that goes something like,

"You like me? Do you mean like like or just, like?"

"I don't know. What do you mean by like like? Is that, like, like as a friend, like as more than a friend but less than in love yet or are we just best friends now? Or do you really mean you love me but you can't say it? Give me some perametres, here."

"No, I mean, I really like you."

"Really? So, does that mean we're just friends or is this going somewhere? Do you mean, 'you really like me, but...'?"

"No,I really, really like--oh, forget it."

Etc.

One of my friends and I had this conversation a couple of years ago, and we decided the best way to get around that is to say to someone, when you're getting to the "affectionate feelings for just a friend" thing (especially if of different genders, which can get awkward otherwise sometimes), you say "I am SO in friend with you." Then everything you say that involves the word "love" after that, both of you know means "just friends" and there's no misunderstandings of the crushy type. Of course, that also means being prepared to 'fess up if the circumstance changes, and isn't always effective. The (male) friend involved thought for quite some time I had a crush on him because I just went my merry "just friends but very affectionate" way. That was funny for a while, once I clued in. I teased him about it for months. He got very panicked there for a while. I'm the evil twin, really.

Scots Gaelic has at least seven different words for love. They WAY outweigh the so-called "language of love", who have a similar problem to English: you say je t'aime (I like you) or je t'adore (I love you), whether you're speaking to your mother, your dog, or your life partner. Scots, on the other hand, has a word for lust, another one for love to a spouse, another one for love to a best friend, etc. I guess it makes sense, the Highlanders were perilinear (they counted descent from mum equally important to descent from dad: women kept their maiden names when they married, which I must admit can be a right pain when tryiong to track down family trees) so I guess more emotional nuances made their way into the language.

I think Scots Gaelic is more romantic than French (although admittedly harder to learn and bizarre to the English ear). "I love you" in Scots is Tha gaol agam ort, which, uh, sounds better than it reads using English phonetics (eg, the first word, "Tha" is pronounced approximately "ha"). That actually means, sort of, "Love is at me-on you." If you think about that for a while, it's quite profound.

Mind you, they don't have any straight words for a simple "yes" or "no", but you can't have everything.

I've done a similar thing with Barethian. I like emotional nuance, and that is an undercurrent of what the book is about, anyhow, and language is a very important plot point, as well as a catalyst for some of the events within the story. I mean, the first thing you do when trying to oppress a people, if actual genocide doesn't work, is to impose a cultural genocide, and that often starts with the language.

So, in Barethian, you can say "I love you" the following ways (using the verb conjugates differently for you, you (plural), they, we, he, she, it so I'm only giving the "I" example).

The í is a vowel used for a sound that approximates a short i sound (as in "his") with an exhaled breath at the front, not quite as strong as an h but stronger than nothing (I write it "hee" because "hi" has a long i sound in English). Vowels are always pronounced separately except the phoneme "ae" which is like "ay" except softer. Barethian is very soft. a is always sounded like "ah", (like, the "augh" in the Australian pronounciation of "laugh", and never like the a in "cat") except, softer.

tha grav ía [thah grahv hee.a] - to an object such as pancakes
tha horav ía [thah hor-ahv hee.a] - lit, worship, as in a deity
tha laean ía [thah lay-ahn hee.a] - to a lover or spouse ONLY, never used lightly
tha saerc ía [thah say-ehrc hee.a] - the verb "to love", referring to friends who are close, but not necessarily your "best" friend. Stronger than "like", but not intimate.

English-to-Barethian:

love 1. laean - (the emotion: ONLY as in "I love you" to a spouse, etc, or strong soul love for a bond partner)
2. saerc - love a person, friend, family only, stronger than "like", has affection for
3. grav - love an object, as in "I love pancakes"
4. inthlanan - to make love
5. nethria - love, honey pet name, to friends and family
6. horav - worship a deity
etc.

Pet names for those you love include:

annsa [ahn-sah] - dear, beloved, said to close friends and family only.
chíara [kh.hee-ah-rah] - best friend, close friend, love, mate (in a very strong platonic friendship).
laeannan [lay-ahn-ahn] - lover, sweetheart, only to spouse or lover.
nethria [neth-ree-ah] - to good friends (this is also the literal word for "honey", as in, the stuff the bees make).

That was your first Barethian lesson, too, folks. ;-)

I don't know why I do that to myself, but it's fun. Maybe I do it because it's fun.

Or maybe it's a form of procrastination. I don't know, but I reckon if I'm not having some fun with the writing thing, then I need to.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

I have a JB Hi-Fi near me

which could be considered a Good Thing or a Bad Thing, depending on the viewpoint.

The Good Thing is, like my DVD hire store, it's within walking distance (about 1 1/2 kms the other way), so I make a pact with myself to only go there if I walk (no buying anything allowed if I take the car). I have the same pact with myself when it comes to hiring DVDs. No hiring anything if I drive there, although returns obviously OK. ;-)

So the weekend was a good walk, actually. A film I had ordered came in, so I walked down to JB, up to Blockbusters, then home. Unfortunately, I felt sort of drained by the time I got home, as I'm having a second round of that cold we all had. Not as bad as the first time round, but enough that a 5km walk hurt a bit by the time I got home, you know, breathing-wise.

Bad Thing is, well, it's within walking distance. I could be bothered walking there but not taking the car. I'm not a shop-a-holic type: I'm not into "retail therapy" and am not big on shoes. If I need an item of clothing, I have a fair idea of what I need, go in, grab the closest to it if they have it, leave. Er, after paying for it. That's very important. My feet hate me because I tend to buy cheap shoes (fact is, I'd rather go barefoot most days). And this is not just because I'm not exactly a clothes-horse, either. I was the same when I was a size 10 (for about a week, before I fell pregnant with my first. I still have that dress. It will probably never fit again. I had to be almost anorexic-skinny to be size 10. I'm a comfortable 14 hip, 12 waist at my fittest without getting into scrawny realm). Thing is, I've never gotten the whole mad for clothes thing. Once you have enough to change your underwear every day, why do you need more?

I do have my weaknesses, though. Books, music, plants, candles. I can resist DVDs, unless it's something I'd really like. On the up side, I'm proud of the fact that I've managed to walk past the Lifeline bookstore almost every day without being pulled inside. On the down side, well, there was one of those on-table book sales in Lutwyche centro last week, and I had money in my pocket... yikes. In my defence, the prices were, like, one tenth of retail, and there was one book on the Byzantines that I really, really liked. Ok, maybe a third of retail.

I tend to indulge the first and last ones (within reason), because, books, you know, educational (hence my tendency to feel less guilty if I buy non fic). Candles, you know, nice soft environmental light and smelly calm smells. Sanity is very important. Music I will resist unless I have spare money (rarely) and plants I haven't been buying for a while, but now have a whole justification for it: the alternative is bare, weedy dirt at my front door.

On books, the wonderful, lovely Sean Williams sent me his "The Change" trilogy, comprised of the Stone Mage and the Sea, The Sky Warden and the Sun and The Storm Weaver and the Sand. Buy it, peoples. I tucked into the first one last night (although I really shouldn't have; I was supposed to be writing a synopsis), although I had to prise it out of the fingers of my 10 year-old first. He's also co-authored the evergence trilogy with Shane Dix, and has written in the Star Wars universe as well.

Music, I think I've mentioned I like soundtracks, partly because I enjoy instrumental music, and partly because soundtracks make an effective background noise to writing (listen to Gladiator or Last of the Mohicans if you want to write a fight scene. Trés effective. If I see a film and the music strikes me, I'll try and get a copy, if I remember, even if I don't like the film (easier if I do like the film because I remember what its name is, hehe). JB is in the middle of a sale, too. Sigh. So when I went down to pick up the movie I ordered, I ended up bringing home a copy of the Troy soundtrack as well. I love that song that plays in the credits: Remember, performed by Josh Grobin and Tania Tzarovska (who also does the female vocals throughout the score, if my ears are working correctly). I actualy didn't mind the film, but then I'm not pedantic with my Ancient Greek mythology (unlike, say my mediaeval history).

The first item on the score is called 3200 Years Ago but listening to it actually gives me a good picture of a scene I was writing for a sci-fi project I'm working on at the moment (yes, gasp and look shocked. I am writing a sci fi book. No unicorns in sight. It's not actually my fault, though. It's not actually, originally, my idea. Joint effort. Be afraid. Be very afraid).

Plants. Went to pick up the jasmine polyanthum I ordered from the nursery. Honestly, told my kids I would be in and out, just to pick up a single plant. I ended up with four, including the jasmine. I should know better. Well, I needed a bay tree. And I got 2 small pots of black mondo grass for the final touch on my front garden.

Which needs water. Excuse me. :-)

Monday, June 06, 2005

Email problems

Yeah, the title says it. I thought these had been fixed, but apparently not. It turns out that at least two people have sent rather important emails to me in the past couple of weeks that I haven't received, and this is a long, ongoing saga I have with froggy, who is about to be given the flick, hopefully for broadband, if it's not too $$$

What can I say, email hasn't been my highest priority lately. It's one of those things I've put off until after the divorce, moving, blah blah blah. Think I won't wait.

Basically, if you send me an email that needs an answer, and I haven't responded within, let's say, 2 days (at current answer rates), then please presume I'm not ignoring you: I didn't get it. I don't just ignore people, even if there's nothing to say, I'll often send a ":-)", mostly because this is a long-term problem. Alternatively, I did send you a response, but you didn't get mine. If you really need me, SMS or phone. The mobile's always on.

I am definitely receiving emails from the yahoo lists I'm on, as well as comments that come through this site. I have known problems with any ISP that is owned by IINET (who owns froggy), including whale-mail and their other subsidiaries. Optus can bounce back as spam from my ISP, as will some hotmail and yahoo addies (although, for some reason, not all of them and not all of the time). This has been a problem ever since the ISPs blanket-installed SpamCop. The trouble is, while most good ISPs allowed the end-user to regulate their own spam filter, froggy won't let you do that, so even the Qld Red Cross server mail won't get to me most of the time (I had at one time last year 2 different people sending from the same RC office, and I rarely received their emails).

The real problem is, that emails won't bounce back, usually. They just don't get delivered to me, and the sender doesn't get a "bounce", so we're all in the dark until someone casually asks, "did you get my email about...?" and I'm like, "no? Did you get mine?" "No?". I feel very unreliable because of it though. (What can I say, I'm female, I'm a mother, I've been a fundamentalist Christian and gome through that DV thing: I have guilt issues. Honestly, it's almost gotten to the point where I'm about to blame myself for the Crusades. I should never have gone to see Kingdome of Heaven).

This is a very on=off thing (the email problems, not the guilt), I have a friend in Finland who some emails come through, sometimes when they all do and then there are long periods where emails just don't get through either way. There seems to be a size correlation there, but not always (It's the "but not always" thing that always stumps me). I know I was having problems last week because I received a response to one of his emails (sent to a group of us) when I hadn't seen his email... although the email he originally sent that had already been answered and then that answer had been answered by me, arrived two days later.

On the up side, knowing that there is this problem can save a bit of heart wrench. I sent a long rambling email with to a friend a while back (no, not the one I sent you, Edi, don't worry :-D) that wasn't responded to, so I choose to think it was froggy's fault, not a symptom of impending non-friendness. ;-)

Froggy. Great in the garden. Sucky at computers.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Well, the roses are in

:-D

Very weird day yesterday. Got a call from my solicitor and it seems that my ex has withdrawn the very rude, unpleasant "offer" (which involved items such as him wanting more cash than he would be entitled to even if he'd contributed to the household over the last 2 years, oh, but only if I go out and get a job so he doesn't have to pay any child support first. So, he'll only consider taking my money off me if I get a job and put the 3 1/2 year-old in a non-existent daycare spot? Yeah, that's an incentive ;-) Sheesh, even the Federal govnt doean't expect me to do that until the youngest is 6 and in school). His replacement offer was, shall we say.... very familiar.

I decided to just go with it. *rolls eyes* No point keeping the vengeance demon occupied, even though I was tempted to just say, "screw him, he can fight for it," for about 3 seconds. It's only money.

So, basically, he's going to end up with exactly what I offered in the first place, minus the extra fees he'll have to pay his lawyer for mardi-fardling around for the last 2 months.

That is, of course, if the thinly veiled "this offer is only open if you submit to my demands regarding the children's issues" isn't in play (which it shouldn't be; that's unlawful, but then, that last letter that was sent by his solicitor contained unlawful demands as well, so his lawyer isn't the brightest spark in the AC/DC either). If that's the case, it could drag out for months. I may be cavalier with money, but I will keep my word to the kids until hell freezes over, if need be. And given that I have the full support of the objective mediator in that regard, it won't be difficult.